#I don’t hate those ships don’t get me wrong (before I start getting dog piled 💀)

[crestapex]

I absolutely love Mara and Ghost’s relationship, but nobody ever mentions or talks about it! I really went “😟” after seeing her die. And I was so sad after seeing him grieve her too, I felt so bad for him 🥲

OH THAT’S NOT-

why are you jealous of a fictional man AND LEAVE MARA ALONE AND GHOST YOU BITCH GET AWAY THAT’S MY TURN 🤬🤬🤬

[house-of-galathynius]

Only You ~ Rowaelin

A Rowaelin fanfic, set if Aelin’s parents had lived and she had met Rowan under normal circumstances, if Erawan and Maeve weren’t threats. Hope you enjoy!

@jesstargaryenqueen @sailorsassley @sjmships @tomtenadia @endlessdaydream @aflickeringsoul @tillyrubes10 @fredweasleyhasadhd @rowaelin-cressworth @cookiemonsterwholovesbooks @rowaelinismyotp @rosegoldannie @maryberry @viajandosinalas @becarefuloflove @allthebooksunderthemoon @sheharahu @swankii-art-teacher @superspiritfestival 

Chapter Fifteen ~ Bridges

Chapter Fourteen ~ Chapter Sixteen

The air was cold and the snow whipped around Aelin’s face as she made her way through the forest to the gate that lead to the city. She had debated using her old shortcut across the river, but it had felt too much like old habits. 

Rowan walked by her side, his body a solid presence beside her. He had not said a word since they had left, she had figured it was nothing to do with her but more to do with seeing Sam — who had not made a good first impression on the fae male. 

Their footsteps crunched in the snow and Aelin was thankful for her flame in times like these. Rowan seemed unfazed by the cold wind that blew around them— she supposed with his ice magic he was used to it. 

The gate had been left open, the wind banging it against the post. Rowan held it open for her and she slipped through. Rowan was a couple of steps behind her but she could feel his gaze on her. She twirled round and stopped. 

“You don’t have to do this. I can go alone.” 

He shook his head. “You’re not going alone.” He stepped around her and continued towards Orynth. 

Aelin jogged to catch up with him, pushing her hair from her face. “Nothing will happen. He’s not going to do anything. I can also protect myself.” 

“I’m not worried about that. I know you can protect yourself.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Then why are you coming? Sam is going to think—“ She paused. 

“What?” Rowan stopped in his tracks.

“You’re jealous.” Aelin made her way to stand in front of him. “You don’t want me to be alone with Sam.” 

“Can I not just accompany my mate somewhere without being questioned?” 

Aelin laughed. “Of course. But you don’t have to lie to me, I actually find it sweet.” 

He glared at her. “It’s not sweet and I’m not here because I’m jealous.” 

Aelin began walking ahead. “Whatever you say, Rowan.” 

He growled and grasped her arm to spin her around. “I’m not jealous. I just can’t stand the thought of you alone with him after how he made you feel and what he said.” 

Aelin tried not to smile at his protectiveness. 

“I don’t know why you look so happy about this.” 

She nudged his side. “Because I kind of like protective Rowan, it’s a new side to you.” Aelin wrapped her arm through his own. “But you don’t have to feel worried about Sam, he’s harmless. Our romantic ship has sailed and what he said to me… it was probably warranted — considering everything.” 

He let out a hmph but held her closer. “I still don’t like how he spoke to you. And I know nothing romantic is going on, but if it was me going to see someone I had been intimate with, would you be totally okay with it?”

Aelin didn’t have a response to that. He was right. She hated the thought of Rowan being with anyone else, or even being in the same room as a woman he had bedded before. 

“We’ve only been mated for a few weeks Aelin, the first years can be volatile for a male. So you have to be patient with me.” 

Aelin didn’t respond. Houses and small shops started to line the streets as they made their way further into Orynth. The snow was heavier than before, the flakes settling on the cobbled path, the sky dark with clouds. 

“Maybe you should wait outside whilst I go in.” 

They had stopped outside of the library, the familiar oak door, the sign above, it felt odd to be here during the day— Aelin had been so used to sneaking here in the dead of night, praying that no one would spot her as she crept through the streets of Orynth. Aelin tried not to dwell on the wave of sorrow that went through her. She hadn’t realised she missed it as much as she did. Sam knew her as well as anyone, and she hadn’t realised she missed talking and laughing with him. She lost a friend in the process and it tore at her. She stared at the door a moment longer before turning herself to Rowan. 

“I won’t be long.” She raised herself onto her tiptoes and planted a soft kiss on Rowan’s mouth. “I love you.” 

Rowan’s lips lingered on hers a moment longer before he pulled away. 

It was still early in the day and she knew the library would be quiet for a while longer. She hesitated slightly before stepping inside and she sighed at the familiar scent of old books, she took a moment to take it in. It was still one her favourite smells, it felt like a warm embrace. 

She couldn’t see anyone inside, the towering bookshelves obscured most of the space; the dark wooden shelves reaching almost to the ceiling, ladders lining those same shelves. It felt like years since she had been here, but it had been less than two months, the thought was jarring— it had been so little time since she had been here… and yet how fast things had changed. 

She heard the shuffling of feet somewhere further into the library and her heart began beating faster, her palms becoming sweaty as she anticipated the meeting. 

She hadn’t forgotten the last time they had spoken. The way he had looked at her, grovelling on the floor, Aelin begging him not to walk away, the look of utter disgust in his eyes. His parting words to her still stung, and yet there was a sense of anticipation in seeing him again. She took in a long breath and continued forward, stopping when Sam’s figure emerged from an aisle, his face obscured in the shadows. He didn’t see her straight away, his hands full of books as he scanned a different shelf. 

She hesitated momentarily. 

“Hey, Sam.”

He stilled, his head turning to observe her. His hair was messy and she could see small clumps of dust from where he’d been digging through piles of old books. She stepped closer to him, giving him a small smile as she did. 

“Do you have time to talk?” She brushed her hand down the spine of a book as she spoke.

Sam paused before placing the books on the trolley that had been sat to the side of him. 

“It won’t take long, but it’s important.” 

He looked out behind her, his eyes narrowing at what he saw outside. She turned to look as well. Rowan stood with his arms crossed against the pillar, his eyes locked on Sam. 

Sam cleared his throat once. “Have you come to finish what Aedion started?” 

Aelin felt her shoulders drop. “Of course not. I actually need your help.” 

He turned to walk away, Aelin trailing behind him. 

“I’m busy.” 

She scoffed. “You look it.” 

“I’m sorry if I don’t feel inclined to come to your rescue Aelin. Everything considered, I think I’m being polite.” 

Aelin caught his wrist before he walked away again. “Please Sam. Just five minutes.” 

He brought his other hand to where she held his wrist and pried her hand off, shoving it away. “I said no. Please just go.” 

“Sam…” 

“I said get out.” His voice rose as he spoke. His hand shaking slightly as he pointed to the door. “I don’t want to ever see you again, do you understand? Get out of my Gods-damned store and don’t ever think of coming here again.” 

The sound of the shop bell rang out in the quiet and heavy footsteps followed. 

“You dare speak to her like that?” Aelin didn’t have time to stop Rowan as he stormed toward Sam. “I’ve told you once before and I will say it again. Watch how you speak to your future queen.” 

“Rowan.” Aelin hissed. 

“So you came to rub it in my face?” Sam scoffed. “I never took you as the type to do such a thing. But I guess there were a lot of things I was wrong about with you.”

Rowan let out a growl. “You are out of line.” 

Aelin tried to shove Rowan away, but he stayed firmly where he was. His eyes never leaving Sam’s. 

“Sam listen to me. It’s Lysandra.” Sam briefly looked to her, his brows rising slightly. “She’s the one that needs your help. But she couldn’t be here to ask herself.” 

Sam backed off slightly, his posture relaxing ever so slightly. “Send your guard dog home and I’ll consider listening to what you have to say.” 

Aelin glanced at Rowan, giving a brief nod of her head. She wasn’t in danger, and having Rowan here was making everyone more tense than necessary. 

“I won’t be far.” 

Sam gave a sarcastic smile. “I’m sure you won’t.” 

Aelin gave Rowan another weary look, trying to hasten his exit. When the door slammed closed she let out a breath. She could see Sam assessing the situation once more, he watched intently as Rowan walked down the street and then disappearing into the alley. 

“Can we sit?” Aelin asked hopefully.

“No. You can talk to me here.” 

Aelin let out a huff and found a stool to perch on anyway whilst Sam stood leaning against a wall, his arms crossed and looking anywhere but at her. She didn’t have the energy to argue with him— it was not why she had come. 

“Why does Lysandra need help?” 

Aelin hesitated slightly before coming out with it. “She’s pregnant. And she doesn’t want anyone in the palace knowing about it, and there’s nowhere else she can go where it can be kept a secret.” 

“And why would it be any better here? Surely the same problems arise no matter where she goes.” He shifted his arms to his side and stood up straighter. “Can’t she just marry whoever the father is?” 

Aelin shrugged. “Maybe. But you know Lysandra, she doesn’t want to burden anyone and I don’t think she feels like she is good enough for them.” 

Sam gave her a curious look. “Who’s the father, Aelin?” 

“I’m sure it comes as no surprise to you. But Aedion is the father.” 

Sam let out a short laugh. “Not a surprise at all.” He slid down the wall and sat on the floor, stretching out his legs. “I don’t see why they couldn’t just get married. Lysandra is basically your sister, everyone loves her.” 

“Not everyone loves her. There are a lot of people who would be opposed to the marriage— especially now…” She trailed off, not sure how to continue. 

“You can say it.” 

She thought for a moment. “Especially now that I can be of no use to marry for an alliance. A lot of the lords are hoping Aedion will marry a foreign princess and make alliances instead. Convincing them to give Aedion and Lysandra their blessing will be hard.” 

“I still fail to see where I come into this.” 

“Lysandra just wants somewhere to lay low for a while. But we need her to be within reach of healers and we need to be able to see her without suspicion… and you were the best idea we came up with. Or actually, the best idea Rowan came up with.” 

Sam shook his head. “He probably just wants to keep a closer eye on me. Make sure I don’t start moving in on you.” 

Aelin couldn’t help the redness in her cheeks. “You wouldn’t do that. You’re too good of a man to try and steal someone away.”

“Or not enough of a man to keep them in the first place.” 

Aelin was silent for a moment. “You know that’s not true.” 

He ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t have you anymore, so I’d say it is.” 

“You were the last person I wanted to hurt.” Her voice somber. 

He shrugged. “I think we both knew things were coming to an end anyway. I couldn’t be what you needed. I was making you give up too much to be with me, and it was unfair to do that.” 

Aelin slid off the stool and onto the floor next to him. “You have no idea how much I wanted the life you told me about. To travel the world and have a family, live on a little farm with our animals, living completely free. I wanted it all.” She played with the hem of her sleeves. “I had so many arguments with my parents about not wanting to be the heir, begging them to give it to Aedion or to Elide. I was so in love with you, Sam, and it pains me that I couldn’t give you the life you wanted either.”  She glanced to the side, Sam was already staring back at her. His eyes turning watery. “I wanted to tell you about Rowan. I had planned a whole speech and was going to explain everything to you.” 

He wiped at his eyes. “I didn’t mean to be so cruel that night. I was angry because I’d foolishly thought I could come to you and convince you that we were it, that it didn’t matter about ranks or thrones or any of that— I was going to try and sweep you off your feet and hope you would change your mind.” Sam closed his eyes, rubbing a hand down his face. “I think we were doomed from the start, weren’t we?” 

She gave him a half smile. “Maybe,” she leant forward. “But if I could go back… I would never change any of it. You made me very happy Sam, and I will be grateful that I was able to be loved by you.”

Sam looked at her then, studying her face for a moment. “It was an honour to be loved by you, too. It really was.” He smiled at her, a smile she hadn’t seen in a long time. “He better treat you right. Or I’ll have no choice but to beat him.” 

Aelin laughed, a deep hearty laugh. “He’s certainly no match for you Sam.” 

Sam laughed too and the two of them laughed together, just like they had before. And when they managed their composure, their laughs giving way to silence, Sam stood and offered his hand to Aelin; she took it gladly, savouring the touch, remembering the feel of his hand in hers. 

“Lysandra can stay here for as long as she likes. You and Aedion are welcome to visit whenever you want. But maybe you can leave Rowan behind… I’m not sure I’m ready for that just yet.” 

Aelin nodded in understanding. “Thank you, Sam.” She didn’t give him time to stop her as she wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace. Nuzzling her head into his neck like she used to, breathing in his scent. “You don’t know how much it means to me.” 

Sam wrapped his arms around her, squeezing gently. “I would do anything for you, Aelin.” 

She pulled away. “I know. And if there’s ever anything you need…” 

Sam smiled in reply. “I guess you better get going,” he nodded in the vague direction of Rowan. “Don’t want to keep him waiting.” 

Aelin snorted. “I’m sure he’ll survive.”

“Should I expect Lys this evening?” 

“She’ll be here before dinner I imagine. I’ll stop by tomorrow and let you know the details of what will happen.” She paused before the door. “You just have to say the word and we’ll figure something else out. I know this is a huge imposition on you.” 

Sam just shook his head. “It’s fine. It’ll be nice to have some company around here for once.” 

Aelin pulled the door open and the cold winter air wrapped itself around her. The snow was falling faster and the streets were covered in a thick blanket of white now. “I’ll see you soon.” She lifted a hand in farewell and stepped into the frigid winter air. 

She paused a moment, composing herself before finding Rowan. She was relieved that Sam was okay. That he wasn’t angry at her, and that they were able to be civil. Perhaps in time they’d find their way back to friends— but she wouldn’t push it. 

She found Rowan waiting in an alley a couple of streets down from the library. She had followed his scent, finding him leaning against a brick wall, inspecting a dagger she had not realised he had been carrying. 

“I hope you put that away when people come past.” 

He twirled the dagger between his fingers before slipping it into the inside of his jacket. “I know how to behave in front of people, Aelin.” He pushed off the wall and ran his gaze over her. “You’re okay?” 

Aelin rolled her eyes. “I told you he wouldn’t hurt me.” She still slipped her hand into his own and pulled them toward the street. “Everything is fine. Lysandra can stay there as long as she likes. I’ll inform my healer that she’ll be needing to make a trip into the city every couple of weeks, and come up with something to tell Orlon and the other court members.”

Rowan looked skeptical. “This plan works fine until she actually has the child. How do you explain then?” 

“By the time she has the baby we will have thought of something. Perhaps they’ll get married and then it won’t be a problem.” 

“I thought you said the lords would never approve a marriage between them?”

“I can be quite persuasive.” 

Rowan didn’t say anything as they walked through the streets of Orynth. Aelin stopped at one shop to pick up Lysandra’s favourite chocolates and snuck some for herself into the purchase. 

The streets were quiet as they meandered through. The snow enough to keep people away and inside their homes, huddling by the fires, if the smoke from the chimneys was anything to go by. 

Just as they were reaching the edge of the city, Rowan let go of her hand and exclaimed there was something he had to do, telling her to go ahead and he would see her at the palace. Aelin had narrowed her eyes at him and reluctantly agreed. Giving him a chaste kiss before returning. 

Even with her flame she was thankful for the warmth of the palace. The hallways were cast in a soft orange glow, the curtains drawn to reduce the cold that seeped in through the windows. The halls were unusually empty, much like the streets of Orynth, but she supposed on a day like today guests would be huddled in their rooms or in the many drawing rooms that dotted the palace. 

She shook off her damp cloak as she entered Lysandra’s rooms; hanging it by the fire in the hopes it would dry. The room was vastly different to her own, the colours more subdued, the windows smaller, hidden behind shorter cream curtains. Touches of Lysandra were thrown in here and there — a blanket that her mother had made when she was a baby was thrown across the end of the bed, a rug of dark red lay across almost the entire floor and the trinkets she had collected from various cities, lined along the mantel.

“Did it go okay?” Sat on the two chairs near the flames were Aedion and Lysandra. Her cousin was holding Lysandra’s hands in his own, his thumb rubbing soothing circles. 

Aelin took a seat on the couch, tucking her feet beneath her. “Everything is good. He was happy to have you stay as long as you pleased.” 

They both let out a sigh of relief at the news. “Thank you.” Aedion was helping Lysandra to her feet. “We’ll head there now. I’ll try to be back for supper.” 

Aelin stood with them, her eyes going to Lysandra who’s face was pale, a thin sheen of sweat lining her forehead. 

“Lys? Are you okay?” 

She nodded. “Probably just morning sickness.” She turned to Aedion who had a bag in one and her cloak in the other. “Can you give us a moment?” 

“I’ll be outside.” 

Lysandra moved to the edge of the bed, placing herself down. Aelin wordlessly joined her, the two of them sitting and watching as the snow floated down outside. 

“You don’t have to go Lys. We can figure it all out here… You won’t show for a while yet.” 

Lysandra just shook her head. “It’s easier if I’m not here. I don’t want people talking, and I don’t want to have to deal with the looks of pity I’ll get.” 

Aelin scoffed. “If anyone did that, they’d have me to contend with.” 

Lysandra managed a small smile. 

“Sam will take good care of you. He was happy for the company.” 

“Thank you for going. I know how things were left…” 

“It’s all good now Lys. We talked a little and I think we have accepted how things are.” 

Lysandra fiddled with her sleeves, the silence stretching a little too long before she began to speak. “I know you must think I’m being difficult or crazy for not just marrying Aedion and that I’m making a fuss about not wanting people to find out,” she took a breath. “But I see the way people look at me. The way they whisper as I walk past. It doesn’t matter that I’m friends with you or if Aedion and I are together, they’ll still only look at me as the orphaned servant girl who got lucky.” 

“Lys—“ 

“I could marry a king and they would still look at me like I am nothing. All I can think of is if it’s like this now, then what will they say when I start showing? When I have the baby? Not only that, but the Lords of Terrasen would never agree to let me marry Aedion anyway— so it’s never been about whether I want to or not. I know I am not good enough for him, and it’s easier if I just go somewhere else for a while and make this whole thing easier.” 

“Do you think Aedion gives a shit what everyone else says? Do you think I give a shit what they say?” When Lysandra didn’t respond, Aelin continued. “You worry about what people will think, how Terrasen will be if you married him but I can promise you, it will survive. Do you think Orlon would’ve married Darrow if he knew that it would ruin Terrasen?” 

“That’s different.” 

“Maybe so. But you have to know that you have people on your side. If you change your mind about this all, we’ll do our best to support you.” 

“Thank you.” Lysandra paused a moment. “You can tell Orlon. He has always been kind to me, and I trust that he’ll do what’s best for everyone.” 

“Everything will work out, just wait and see.”

Aelin embraced Lysandra, lingering a few moments longer before exiting the room with her. Snuffing out the flames with her magic as they closed the door.

Aedion was waiting on a bench just down the hall and as they approached he wrapped the cloak around Lysandra. He turned to Aelin, nodding once in acknowledgment for what Aelin had done. That conversation would come later. But for now, Aelin watched as they walked away, eventually disappearing. 

[starcrossedyanderes]

A Yandere Among Us (Rygel ft. Mr. Mittens)

Is the Among Us trend over yet? No? Okay. Anyway Rygel is definitely the yandere in this and Mr. Mittens is just making a cameo guest star appearance.

Why is it when it is raining cats and dogs things don’t get cancelled meanwhile if a single flake of snow is seen everything comes to a screeching halt? This situation was slightly different you supposed but the point still stands.

Despite security warnings about pirates and invaders here you were with a bunch of other teenagers on a spaceship by yourselves. 

Most of you were making the Summer commute over to the colony on Europa as part of the colonization program for juveniles. A large portion of you actually had family on the colony long time and as an experiment on juveniles you would all spend Summer there. Or so it was planned. But fate obviously had different plans for you.

~|~

“Green’s dead and you guys are bickering if someone can even fit in a vent!?”

You spoke up this time.

“I just find it somewhat hard to believe that a person can fit in one of those small vents!”

Yellow narrowed his eyes a blue, the one who asked about the bickering. 

“I don’t know blue, you are acting kind of sus right now.”

Blue gained an appalled look from what you could all tell from the helmet.

“What does sus even mean!? Why would I kill Green when I am his BEST FRIEND?!”

Green leaned back a bit in his chair before stating in an overly calm voice,

“Alright if you say so man but just to make sure let’s put it up to a vote.”

You let out a sigh as you sat next to one of the people you actually slightly knew, purple or as you knew him, Rygel. You were already 2 deaths in and 1 person has been thrown out of the ship. In other words it was pure chaos. You merely pressed the skip button and watched hopelessly as blue was eventually put to pasture.

~|~

Murder #3; Green

Unlike the other murders this one seemed to involve a knife based off the puncture wounds. Meaning that anyone could have done it. And with only 5 people left it was harder to point fingers and have more conclusive evidence. So people did what they usually did and winged it.

Cyan made accusations this time. 

“Okay so since this is becoming way too much like a horror movie lets act as if it is a horror movie. Since this is a case of an imposter sort of situation that means this is more of a twist villain sort of movie. Now twist villains tend to be the most plain and average characters. Not to hot, not the poor ugly person, and their personality seems to generally be ‘nice’. Now based off of that I think the person who fits that category the best would be pink- er, I mean (Y/n).”

You let out a gasp at the audacity of such a statement with such a lack of evidence. And did he just call you the most average!?

“What do you mean it was me? You have no evidence in the slightest!”

Cyan turned to you with a sneer.

“And do you have any evidence that you weren’t the culprit? If not then you how can we know you didn’t do it with such a lack of evidence?”

It was during this stalemate an imposing figure decided to speak up.

“Cyan, enough.”

The words of her crush speaking immediately shut her up.

“If you are wanting evidence (Y/n) and I were in reactor together. Also, last I checked, Cyan you are by far the most basic person I have ever met. Now I personally find it suspicious for you to start accusing a person out of nowhere like that as if you were trying to cover up something you did, hmm?”

Cyan was left gapping like a fish as she was sent out.

~|~

Seeing the telltale purple suit you quickened your pace to meet your friends long strides.  “Hey Rygel, thanks a lot for helping me back there. If it wasn’t for you I would probably have taken cyan’s place.”

Rygel simply nodded his head.

“Of course. I couldn’t just have an innocent acquaintance of mine thrown under the rug for something so idiotic.”

You rubbed the back of your neck as best as you could.

“Yeah, I’m just worried that I may be next. Our numbers are getting smaller after all.”

Rygel decided in your moment of panic to remove his helmet to free his long purple locks and grace you with his gorgeous mocha skin.

“If it helps remember that there’s 3 of us remaining. If you are that worried about you being the next on the chopping block you’re more than welcome to stay in my quarters for now.”

A small blush appeared on your skin.

“Oh, now I don’t know about that-”

Rygel merely shrugged as he turned away.

“If you say so. Just know, the offer will still exist.”

~|~

You hated walking down hallways by yourself. Even more so during these times. Also when it’s dark, and quiet, and also there may be a serial killer after you-

Okay (Y/n). You’re just trying to psych yourself out.

As much as you hated it sometimes you get abhorrently thirsty in the middle of the night. 

So here you were in a dimly lit hall, by yourself, in your pajamas, and still rather sleepy.

Where could this ever go wrong?

Yet a death was not what you were face with in the dim light.

Against the stark black of the floor and in the rather low mood lightning you saw a stark flash of white. 

Okay, make that multiple.

Upon closer inspection they looked like little paw prints. 

And they all lead in the same direction.

Now on the ship no animals or pets were allowed for various safety reasons. So why in the world would there be white footprints?

Of course like the stupid person you were you followed the flour path (as you had now determined it to be) down various hallways.

It was met you that you were more so expecting.

In electrical you were met with the dead body of yellow along with the end of the flour pawprints.

A scream was strangled out of your lips as your eyes also landed on the very much alive 2 bodies of black and purple, or as you know him, Rygel.

And both of them were absolutely covered in blood.

“Wha-how? Why? WHO?”

The two of them turned slowly to look at you. Rygel’s eyes widened before a pained sigh left him.

“Oops. Mittens, was it? Your services seem to no longer be needed.”

“Mittens?! What is going on!?”

Rygel rolled his eyes.

“Well, as you can see, yellow is dead.”

“ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh-”

Rygel merely strolled over to your side as he started to chuckle.

“My apologies, moonlight. I suppose you should get a bit of an explanation before you get fully relocated.”

“What the heck are you even talking ab-”

Rygel made a single swipe of his hand and your lips were immediately shut close. They wouldn’t open.

“This ship is being used to transport me to, and well us now I suppose, my home planet. My chauffeur here has been killing off your crewmates to ensure our safe and successful travels. If they were still present we would have been forced to stop at Europa.”

His long arms wrapped around your shoulders as black started to shake vigorously.

“It’s just much easier and quicker this way isn’t it?”

As you squirmed against his grip black’s shaking suddenly stopped and his clothing dropped into a pile.

Did he dissapear?

Then the pile started to wiggle until a two colored small head popped out.

Black seemed to have become a cat..

Wait.. Mittens..

Oh.

“Mittens here caused those footprints you saw as he used them to lure your peers. As you can see he is a shape shifter. This is also the answer to your question of how someone could ever fit into a vent. Now come dear, it’s gotten late and I desire to retire for the night.”

Rygel was saddened that you stood stock still.

“Moonlight, you’re my mate and shall suffer much worse. Now come before I have to leave you to sleep with yellow.”

[adiwriting]

(gif by the lovely @darlingnotso)

PSA: As I’ve stated before, I will be putting money towards the Navajo Nation COVID-19 Relief Fund every time that I post Malex fic. 

********Please don’t reblog*********** 

This is going to be the last Sunday Morning fic for awhile. Leaving it untagged with the hopes that it remains just for my followers and doesn’t attract more harassment. If you want to comment, reply or DM me please instead of reblogging.

Week 16

When the puppies start barking at their usual 6:30am time, Alex instantly regrets all of his life choices. His head is pounding, his leg aches, and his stomach is a mess. It doesn’t help in the slightest that Michael is plastered to his side, hot as hell, and making Alex sweat. 

“Why did we get a dog?” Michael grumbles, nuzzling his nose into Alex’s neck and making him feel even worse. 

“Why did you let us get four?” he asks, pushing at Michael’s body. “And why the hell are you so hot?” 

“‘s cold,” Michael says, throwing his arm over Alex’s stomach. 

Alex pushes him away. “You’re a thousand degrees and I already want to die. Roll over or something.” 

Michael groans and Alex swears he hears him curse under his breath, but he thankfully rolls over and Alex feels like he can breathe a bit as cool air hits his overly heated skin. The relief he feels is only temporary though as his mind then zeroes in on how much his stomach is swirling and twisting. 

The puppies continue to bark. It’s too loud and the sun streaming in through the window is too bright. Everything is just too much right now and Alex needs it to stop. The mattress shifts as Bell jumps up onto the bed, making the world spin and Alex’s stomach does a dangerous tilt. He’s not even sure if he could make it to the bathroom fast enough to throw up if he had to, and so he prays he doesn’t need to. 

Michael loves him, but he doubts Michael would love it if Alex threw up in their bed. 

Bell pushes her head against his shoulder, demanding cuddles. Any other day, Alex would be more than willing to give into her demands. He loves cuddling with Bell in the mornings. But right now, he can’t focus on anything aside from not vomiting. She gives up and moves to do the same to Michael, who lifts his arm up and allows her to crawl on top of him and lay down. 

“Please tell me you’re as hungover as I am,” he complains, closing his eyes against the sun and willing the world to stop. He regrets not springing for blackout curtains when Michael was redoing their bedroom.  

Michael chuckles and it makes the bed shake, causing Alex to groan. “No, but I had about five beers and six shots less than you did,” he says. 

Alex cracks his eyes open just enough to give him a doubtful look. 

“Hey, I’m not the town drunk everyone thinks I am,” Michael protests. “And somebody had to make sure that everyone got home okay. Liz and Max were a mess. Only one of you guys who held their liquor with any dignity was Maria.” 

That’s probably fair. Alex doesn’t remember a lot of last night after the first two hours. Isobel had challenged him to a drinking game that he outright refused to lose on principle. But even the first two hours, he could tell that it was going to be one of those nights. He can’t blame his friends. It’s been a long few weeks of one alien drama after another but yesterday had been a surprisingly drama free Halloween night for them and they’d all just let loose. What he can remember of Michael though, is that he’d taken things slow most of the night, taking on the role of caretaker for everyone. 

“You had fun though, right?” he asks, worried that Michael had perhaps seen it as his duty to take care of everyone else instead of partaking in the fun himself. Part of the argument for having the party at their place was so that they could both enjoy the party rather than having to worry about getting home or taking care of the dogs. 

“Yeah, it was nice,” Michael says with a smile, running his hands over Bell, who looks perfectly content. Alex is jealous. He knows that there are few places more comfortable than Michael’s chest, but right now the thought of being anywhere near the furnace that is Michael sounds awful. 

“Don’t tell Isobel I said that,” Michael adds. “I already told her we are not having Thanksgiving here under any circumstance… Which probably means I should start working on making that table I’ve been wanting to build for out back, because I’m pretty sure my protest means that we’re having Thanksgiving here.”

Alex laughs before it causes his head to pound even more and whines. “Don’t make me laugh. It hurts.” 

“I bet,” he says. “I’m not sure why you thought you could out drink my sister. On her lightest days she polishes off two bottles of wine a night.” 

“Because she gets annoying and smug when she wins and I refuse to put up with it,” Alex says and Michael just laughs. “Is Bell still wearing her wings?” 

Michael runs his hands over the fairy wings that Bell had worn yesterday as part of her Tinkerbell costume. They’d dressed all the dogs up in Peter Pan costumes to match their namesakes. It had been adorable, if Alex does say so himself.

“She didn’t want to take them off,” Michael says with a shrug. 

“Oh yeah? She tell you that herself?” he teases. 

“As a matter of fact, I tried to take them off last night and she whined and moved away, so yes she did,” Michael says. “And the puppies were asleep when I came back inside so I left their costumes on as well.” 

Alex reaches over tentatively, careful not to move too much of his body so that he doesn’t reignite the nausea, and pets Bell. “She does make a really cute fairy.” 

“Of course she does. She’s the most beautiful fairy in the world,” he agrees, lifting his head to kiss Bell’s nose. She licks his face in return. Michael turns to look at him, “Look at what Rosa taught her yesterday when they were both hiding out in here.” Michael looks back at Bell and says, “I do believe in fairies.” 

Bell howls twice as if to say, ‘I do, I do.’ 

Alex smiles, holding back his laugh for fear of making his stomach twist even more. Bell’s howl causes the puppies to go crazy from their spot in the kitchen though and suddenly everything is far less cute. Alex’s head pounds and he’s back to hating the world and wanting to curl up and die. 

“I guess I should go walk them since you’re clearly useless today,” Michael says. 

Alex throws his arm over his eyes and doesn’t bother arguing. 

He hears Bell protest before the bed shifts again, making Alex suck in a breath as he fights against his body’s urge to hurl. “Why don’t you try and shower? I’ll bring you breakfast in bed when I get back from walking them.” 

“Can we spend the entire day in bed?” Alex asks, hopefully. 

“I’ll even let you pick the movies we watch today,” he promises, placing a kiss to Alex’s forehead. 

“You smell like a distillery,” Michael says. 

Alex has a flash of Isobel breaking out a bottle of whiskey as they played Two Truths and a Lie with Maria. He’s sure that he’s got liquor coming out of his pores at this point. He doesn’t even remember the last time he drank this much. Perhaps the one time he’d gotten plastered before shipping off to Iraq the last time? The time they’d gotten into that nasty fight over Alex’s decision not to tell Michael he was being deployed again. Michael had had to hear it from Maria and had been none too pleased. 

Michael flips on the light and Alex whines. “I regret all of my life choices.” 

“Surely not all of them,” he teases. 

“Why didn’t you stop me last night?” Alex asks. 

Michael snorts. “Oh, I tried. Several times. You told me that you were a grown ass man who didn’t need a babysitter.” 

Alex grimaces, he doesn’t remember saying that, but he’s sure he probably did. “Sorry.” 

“You’re fine,” he says. “Max was way worse and far less cute while telling me to back off. You’re good.”

“It doesn’t sound like you had a good night,” Alex says, pushing Michael despite his earlier words, wanting to make sure that he truly did enjoy himself and wasn’t miserable.

“I promise, I enjoyed myself,” he says. “Rosa and I had a nice long talk. She’s gonna start working at the junkyard for me. I wouldn’t mind having somebody help run the office side of things. She loves her dad but needs some independence.” 

“That’s understandable,” Alex says. 

“Yeah, then Liz and I nerded out over science before Max stole her away. Kyle, Maria, and I played poker and I won $150. And I ended up watching Hocus Pocus for the first time and making cookies with Rosa once everyone got too shitfaced to form coherent sentences.” 

“You’ve never seen Hocus Pocus?” Alex asks, shocked. 

“Okay, first of all, why does everyone react like that when I say that? I watched it last night with Rosa and it was cute but it does not deserve that reaction out of people,” he says, grumpily. “And second of all, you know that I didn’t have any of that shit growing up.” 

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Alex says, kicking himself for always doing that. Always reacting to experiences Michael says he didn’t have growing up with shock. Alex knows better. He himself grew up in a home void of normal childhood experiences. But he had the Ortechos and the DeLucas to help give him happy holiday memories. He always assumes that Michael had that in the Evans family, but he’s regularly proven wrong. 

“Hey, listen, go walk the dogs,” Alex says. “I’ll hop in the shower. After breakfast we can watch all the holiday movies you never got to see growing up.” 

“Can we start with Home Alone?” he asks, that light, happy tone back in his voice. 

“Of course, followed up by A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving,” Alex promises. 

Forty-Five minutes later, the entire family is piled in their bed, warm and comfortable. Alex is slowly eating the pancakes that Michael prepared him, keeping his plate away from Peter’s thieving paws as best he can. His stomach is starting to settle and his headache is muted thanks to the ibuprofen that Michael left for him before he took the dogs on their walk. Home Alone is playing on the TV screen and Michael is curled up with a sleeping Bell and John, smiling soft and content. 

And right here, in this exact moment? Life feels utterly perfect.

[thelastspeecher]

Spirit Touched - Chapter 3: Little Warrior

Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5   Chapter 6   AO3

Holy heck, look at this.  A regular update TWICE in a row!  Here’s some more smol Zuko for you all.  Some smol Zuko and a bit of the Northern Water Tribe.

Again, this fic is inspired by @muffinlance‘s fic Salvage and fanart that @agent-jaselin did of it.

——————————————————————————————

              “I hate laundry again,” Toklo muttered as he scrubbed a dirty shirt.

              “It was nice to have hot water,” Panuk agreed.  Enough time had passed that Toklo was no longer giving Panuk the cold shoulder for not telling him about his brother.  Panuk had tried to hide how relieved he was when Toklo finally started up a conversation with him again.

              Zuko hadn’t bothered to hide his relief.  He’d been the only person Toklo would talk to for a while.  Given that most of Toklo’s interactions with him had changed due to his young age, it was obvious the firebender wanted someone, anyone else to be the subject of Toklo’s attention.  Panuk looked over at the toddler in question.

              Since becoming four years old, Zuko had been unable to heat water or dry clothes.  Apparently, those tricks required more skill than someone his age had.  He had been relegated to scrubbing again, but after falling into the washtub three times, demoted further.  Now, he handed Toklo dirty clothes and Panuk clean clothes.

              At least, that’s what Zuko was supposed to be doing.  At the moment, his arms were out before him, a tiny flame hovering above his cupped hands.

              “I’m working,” Zuko said quickly, noticing Panuk’s eyes on him.  The flame disappeared, his arms fell to his side, and he stood.  He toddled over to Toklo, took the clean shirt from him, and brought it over to Panuk.

              “Why have you been doing that so much?” Panuk asked as he inspected the shirt for holes.

              “I’m a firebender.  I’m supposed to firebend,” Zuko said in a sulky tone.  He went over to the pile of dirty clothes and brought a pair of pants to Toklo.

              “Aw, don’t get upset, Zuko,” Toklo said.  He patted Zuko’s head, wetting his hair.  “We’re just not used to you doing that particular kind of firebending all the time.  Is it like meditating?”

              “Not really.”  Zuko sat down again.  He kicked the backs of his heels against the floorboards, seemingly without realizing he was fidgeting.  “It’s an exercise in control.  One of the first that firebenders learn.  I need to make sure I maintain control of my inner fire, even while I’m stuck like this.”

              “What sort of other things do little firebenders learn?” Panuk asked curiously.  Discovering the shirt to have no holes, he hung it up to dry.

              “If you’re a regular firebender, some easy forms to generate fire, but mostly just manipulating fire that already exists.”  Zuko scowled.  “If you’re Azula, forms used in combat,” he muttered, crossing his arms.  Toklo handed him the cleaned shirt.  Zuko took it and brought it over to Panuk.

              “I wonder if the Chief would let you do any of those forms,” Toklo remarked as Zuko handed him a pair of socks.  “I mean, you can’t cause as much damage as you could when you were bigger. Right?”

              “I…don’t know,” Zuko said after a moment.  He crossed his arms again, his lower lip jutting out in a pout.  “I’m certainly not coordinated enough right now to do advanced or intermediate forms.  But even beginner forms can produce a lot of flames.  Especially if the firebender lacks control.”

              “But you have control,” Panuk said.

              “Yes.”  Zuko looked at his feet.  “…For the most part.”

              “If you do the forms you mentioned that just involve controlling fire, not making it-” Toklo began.  Zuko’s head whipped up.  He scowled at both crewmen.

              “Why do you want me to do actual firebending forms so badly?” he snapped.

              “Watching a baby firebender dancing around the deck would be adorable,” Toklo said.  Panuk nodded. Zuko’s scowl deepened.

              “But the Chief probably won’t let you practice,” Panuk said.  “You’re a little kid now, but we’re still on a very flammable ship.”  He thumped the wooden boards with a booted foot for emphasis.

              “I’m not a little kid,” Zuko mumbled.  His fingers twitched.

              “Go run around the deck for a bit,” Panuk instructed.

              “No.  Why?”

              “You’re fidgeting again.  The Chief said that you need to run off your extra energy, remember?”

              “But-” Zuko started.

              “Seal Jerky could use the exercise, too,” Toklo put in.  Zuko sighed, but stomped away.

              “Smart,” Panuk said with a nod.  “Turning into a kid made him even more attached to the dog.”  Toklo grinned.

              “I have my moments.”

----- 

              Zuko sat on the deck, idly playing with Seal Jerky as the members of the crew did actual work around him.  He’d prefer to join in, but according to Hakoda, none of the tasks were ones he was allowed to do.

              “Ahoy, the boat!” a voice called.  Zuko’s head jerked up.  That voice didn’t come from anyone on the Akhlut.  He got to his feet and hurried to the side of the boat.  Unfortunately, he was too short to see anything.

              “I got you, little prince,” Ranalok said, lifting Zuko and propping him on his hip. Zuko’s instinct to argue angrily against the humiliating moniker was wiped away by what he now saw.  A ship, also Water Tribe by the looks of it, approaching.

              “Is that…?” Tuluk asked, joining Ranalok and Zuko.  Bato came over as well.

              “It is,” said Bato.  “That’s a ship from the Northern Tribe.”  He glanced at Zuko.  “Wonder if they’ll have any healers.”  He cleared his throat.  “Ahoy!” he called back in response.  Faint cheering echoed across the water, as the sister tribes rejoiced at reunion.

              Hakoda was fetched, and the Akhlut waited eagerly until the ship from their sister tribe was close enough for the boarding planks to be laid across.  Zuko got Ranalok to put him down, then hid behind Bato’s legs.  He didn’t enjoy giving into childish urges, but at the moment, he didn’t want to draw attention to himself.

              The first person to board the Akhlut was an elderly man with a severe face. Zuko peered around Bato’s legs curiously.

              “My name is Master Pakku,” the man said, bowing to Hakoda.  “Myself and some other members of the Northern Tribe set off to assist in the rebuilding of the South Pole.”

              “Chief Hakoda,” Hakoda replied, inclining his head in return.  Pakku nodded.

              “Your children told me of you.”

              “My…”

              “Sokka and Katara.”

              “You met my son and daughter?” Hakoda asked.  Pakku nodded again.

              “As well as the Avatar.  I’m more than happy to tell you about their stay at the North Pole.”

              “Please,” Hakoda said.

              “Do you have a cabin where we can speak in private?”

              “Yes.  Follow me.” Pakku followed Hakoda only a few steps before he caught sight of Zuko watching from behind Bato’s legs.  Zuko quickly hid again, but it was too late.

              “You have a child on board?” Pakku asked, aghast.  “This is a warship, is it not?”

              “Nuktuk is a special case,” Hakoda said.  Zuko fought back the instinctive scowl at the fake name.

              “We found him in a Southern village that had been completely destroyed by the Fire Nation,” Hakoda continued.  The lie had been spoken so many times by now, it came out without hesitation.  “He was the only survivor.  Whatever soldier found him chose not to outright kill him, just wound him.  Most likely because he’s, well…”  Hakoda turned to Zuko.  “Nuktuk, come say hello to Master Pakku.”  Reluctantly, Zuko emerged from his hiding spot.  He walked over to Pakku and bowed.  Pakku crouched down to look more closely at him.  Sympathy and understanding sparked in his ice-cold blue eyes.

              “Ah.  We have some children sired by the Fire Nation brutes, as well,” Pakku said after a moment.  He stood. “Why have you not dropped him off at a village to be cared for?”

              “We were unable to return to our own villages to have him be cared for by Water Tribe.  And given his trauma, we thought it best to not leave him in some Earth Kingdom town.”

              “You’re probably right,” Pakku said after a moment.  He smiled at Zuko.  The smile felt forced and cold.  “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Nuktuk.  We have women aboard our fleet who will be more than happy to take care of you.”

              “Do you have healers?” Hakoda asked.  Pakku nodded.  “Excellent. While I speak with Pakku, could someone bring Nuktuk to be looked at by a healer?”

              “I think someone would be willing to wrangle the kid,” Bato drawled, eyeing Panuk and Toklo, who just now had come to the deck to see what the commotion was about.  Panuk strode over to Zuko and picked him up.

              “Of course, Chief,” he said.  Hakoda and Pakku disappeared into the chief’s cabin.  “Come on, Nuktuk.”

----- 

              The healers Zuko was brought to were all women, something that befuddled him. Didn’t the Northern Water Tribe have male healers?  The Southern Water Tribe did.

              Zuko was instructed to remove his outer clothes and then gently placed in a tub of water.  He laid back, keeping his breathing steady, hoping against hope that they might find out what was wrong with him.  Being a toddler wasn’t something he enjoyed.

              “Hmm,” said the woman bending the glowing water in the tub.  She’d introduced herself as Yugoda.  “Nuktuk, you’re a bender, aren’t you?”

              “Yes,” Zuko said.  Responding to the fake name was humiliating, but he’d become resigned to it at this point.

              “You don’t seem to be a waterbender…”

              “He’s a firebender,” Panuk said.  Yugoda stopped bending.  She stared at Panuk.  “He’s a, um…” Panuk leaned in to whisper.  “War bastard.”

              “I figured that out just by looking at him,” Yugoda said dismissively. “We have some at the North Pole as well. But none of them firebenders.  They all pass away before their first birthday, once the dark winter starts.”

              “…Oh.”  Panuk cleared his throat.  “Well, Nuktuk’s special.”

              “Evidently.”  Yugoda resumed bending.  Being surrounded by water was harrowing, but somehow, Zuko felt his eyes beginning to close. “Ooh, looks like someone’s due for a nap.  Don’t worry, I can finish checking him over while he’s sleeping.”  Zuko snapped his eyes open, only for them to drift shut again as he dozed off.

----- 

              “I’ve never been so glad to pack more than I need,” a voice said.  Zuko’s eyes opened.  He sat up.  “Oh! Hello, Nuktuk!”  A young woman entered Zuko’s field of vision.  She beamed at him.

              “It’s about time you woke up,” said Bato’s voice.  Zuko looked over.  Bato was sitting nearby, cross-legged.  “You slept during the healing session and being carried off the boat and everyone pitching tents and dinner.”  Zuko looked around.  As he slowly woke up, he could now tell he was in a tent.

              “Yugoda said that the healing session might have caused you to sleep deeper and longer than normal,” said the woman.  She smiled apologetically.  “Sorry.” Zuko’s stomach rumbled.  “I’ll go get you something to eat!”  The woman dropped the clothes she was holding and left the tent.

              “That’s Yuka.  She’s got a kid your age back at the North Pole,” Bato explained.  “The second she saw you, she insisted on watching you.” Bato nodded at the clothes Yuka had dropped.  “And adjusting some of her kid’s clothes to fit you.  Just before you woke up, she was telling me how she packed clothes for her kid, only to realize she didn’t need them, since he was staying behind.”

              “…I’m getting more clothes?” Zuko asked, deciding to respond to the last thing Bato mentioned.

              “Yep.  Water Tribe clothes, not the Earth Kingdom stuff we bought.”  Bato leaned back.  “Hakoda had me watch you, just to make sure Yuka didn’t try to steal you or anything.”

              “Would she do that?” Zuko asked quietly.  After a moment to think, Bato shook his head.

              “Probably not.  But better safe than sorry.”

              “What were the results of the healing session?” Zuko asked.

              “Yugoda’s talking to Hakoda about that right now.  Oh, and he wanted me to remind you to be on your best behavior.”

              “I always am!” Zuko protested.  Bato snorted.

              “Sure.  But in this case, best behavior means acting like a regular toddler, okay?  Don’t say or do anything that would make anyone think you’re something other than a Water Tribe four-year-old,” Bato said.  Zuko looked down at his lap.  “Not saying anything is an option, if you have no idea how someone your age talks.”  Zuko nodded silently.

              “I heard you like sea prunes,” Yuka said, entering the tent again with a plate of the aforementioned food.  She handed it to Zuko.  “Eat up! A growing boy like you needs a full tummy!”  Bristling at the cloying and condescending tone, Zuko nevertheless did as he was told.

----- 

              Yuka worked fast.  By the time Zuko finished his dinner, she had finished altering an entire outfit to fit him.

              “I can dress him, if you’d like,” she offered.  Bato shook his head.

              “Nuktuk can dress himself.”

              “…Oh.”  Yuka deflated.  She recovered quickly, beaming at Zuko.  “You’re such a smart boy!”

              “Would you mind turning away?” Bato asked.  “He likes privacy.”

              “Oh, of course.”  Yuka and Bato turned away, allowing Zuko to dress himself without being watched.

              “Done,” Zuko said, once he had pulled on the last article of clothing. Yuka squealed.

              “You look so much like my little boy, Kota.  Except for your hair…”  Yuka patted her lap.  “Come here, Nuktuk.”  Zuko looked at Bato, who shrugged.  Reluctantly, Zuko walked over and sat in Yuka’s lap.  “A young warrior like yourself can’t have such messy hair,” Yuka said.

              Zuko’s hair had been getting long lately.

              “It’ll only take me a second to fix that up for you,” she continued, pulling Zuko’s hair back.  “And…done! Now you’ve got a proper warrior’s wolf tail.”  Yuka patted Zuko’s head.  “No one would be able to tell you weren’t full Water Tribe.”

              Something uncomfortable uncurled in Zuko’s stomach.  Hakoda popped his head into the tent.  He did a double-take at the sight of Zuko in Water Tribe clothes and with a Water Tribe hairstyle, but masked his surprise quickly.

              “Bato, Nuktuk, come with me.”  Zuko hopped off Yuka’s lap.

              “Nuktuk, what do we say?” Bato said, stopping him from leaving the tent. With a soft sigh, Zuko turned to Yuka and bowed.

              “Thank you,” he said.  Yuka beamed.

              “No problem.”

              “Now, let’s see what the chief has to say,” Bato said.  He took Zuko’s hand and led him out of the tent.  The two walked through the sea of tents that had been pitched for the night, allowing the sister tribes to spend time together.  The women from the Northern Water Tribe cooed at Zuko as he walked past, commenting on the “little warrior”.

              Zuko wasn’t sure whether he preferred “little warrior” or “little prince”.

              He and Bato arrived at Hakoda’s tent and entered.  Hakoda and Kustaa were waiting for them.  Kustaa raised an eyebrow at Zuko.

              “I like this new look for you, nephew,” he commented.  Zuko flushed.  Kustaa patted a spot next to him.  Zuko walked over and sat.  Bato sat next to Hakoda.  “Healer Yugoda told us what she was able to determine from her healing session, as well as what all she healed in you.”  Zuko swallowed nervously.

              “And?” he asked.  Before he could get a response, someone entered the tent.  All heads turned to the man stepping inside, Pakku.

              “Master Pakku, we were going to talk with Nuktuk in private,” Hakoda said. Pakku sat across from Zuko.

              “I know.”  His eyes bored into Zuko.  Zuko met Pakku’s steely gaze in return.  “I wanted to speak with Nuktuk as well.  Yugoda just told me that he is spirit touched.”

              “We were hoping to tell Nuktuk this ourselves,” Hakoda said firmly. Pakku raised an eyebrow.

              “I think he knew he was spirit touched without me saying so.”

              “Master Pakku-”

              “I received word from an old friend some time ago,” Pakku said, talking over Hakoda.  “He informed me that he had lost his nephew at sea.”  A chill passed through Zuko.  “He was hopeful that his nephew may have been able to save himself; the boy was very stubborn and strong, after all.  Though every day that passed, he felt less and less certain.  All he could do was pray to the spirits.”  Pakku placed his hands in his lap and leaned forward. Zuko sat straight, fighting the instinct to lean back.  “He’ll be pleased to find that they stepped in.”

              “What are you trying to say?” Hakoda asked.  Pakku continued to stare at Zuko.

              “You need to contact Iroh, Prince Zuko.”  A stark silence fell.

              “Master Pakku, this is incredibly-” Hakoda started.  Zuko leapt to his feet.  His hands, clenched in fists, burst into flame.  The fire in the lamp lighting the room surged.  Pakku merely straightened, satisfied to have been proven correct.

              “How do you know my uncle?” Zuko snarled.  He heard Hakoda and Kustaa sigh.

              “It’s a very long story, Your Highness.”

              “Don’t call me that.”

              “If you insist, Prince Zuko.”          

              “Just- just Zuko,” Zuko said quietly.  The flames wreathing his hands faded.  The lamp dimmed, returning to normal.  He sat down.  “I’m not a prince anymore.”

              “Hmm.”  Pakku looked Zuko over thoughtfully.  “Then what are you?”  Zuko looked away.  “The women in the camp are calling you a ‘little warrior’.  That seems an apt enough description.”  Zuko felt his face turn red.  “Regardless of your title, you need to write to your uncle.”

              “…No,” Zuko whispered.  Pakku’s eyes narrowed.

              “He is beside himself with grief, boy.  He has the right to know you’ve survived, regardless of your own embarrassment over your current situation.”

              “I can’t.”

              “Either you tell him or I do,” Pakku said firmly.  Tears sprung to the corners of Zuko’s eyes.  He hurriedly wiped them away, trying desperately to feign a casual air.  “Will you write to your uncle, telling him you’ve survived with the help of the spirits?” Zuko shook his head. “Really?  You won’t tell your beloved, grieving uncle that you are alive?” Pakku snarled.  Hakoda stood.

              “Master Pakku.  It’s his decision to make, and his decision alone.  You may contact his uncle if you feel you can do so without risking lives or safety.”  Hakoda gestured for Pakku to stand.  Pakku got up. “Please.  Let us have our conversation with Zuko in private.” Pakku reluctantly bowed.

              “I will write Iroh for you, then, little warrior.”  He exited the tent.

----- 

              “Bato…” Hakoda started.

              “I can keep an eye on him,” Bato confirmed.  He followed Pakku out.  Hakoda turned to Zuko.

              “I can’t write to Uncle!” Zuko burst out.  The tears he’d been holding back began to stream down his face. Hakoda strode over to the young boy and sat in front of him.

              “I understand,” he said softly.  Kustaa was patting Zuko on the back, but the gesture wasn’t calming him whatsoever.

              “No, you don’t!”  Zuko covered his face with his hands.  “I- I want to.  I miss Uncle. And if I write the letter, then I can cut out the humiliating details.  But I can’t write to him.  I can’t- I can’t write to anyone!”  Kustaa’s gentle pats stopped.  He and Hakoda exchanged an uncertain look.

              “What do you mean?” Hakoda asked, keeping his voice calm.  Zuko pulled his legs to his chest and buried his face in his knees.

              “I can write.  But only- only some things.  And I can’t write it very well.  I physically can’t write to Uncle and explain what’s happened to me.”  Hakoda nodded slightly, feigning an unperturbed air. This wasn’t good news.  It was the opposite.  But it was in line with what Yugoda had told him.

              “Yugoda told me that the way the spirits touched you disrupted your chi.  She felt that it might reduce certain capabilities of yours until you are balanced again.”

              “How do I get balanced?” Zuko asked, his voice choked with tears.

              “I don’t know.  Yugoda could only do so much.”  Hakoda thought back to the very first thing the healer had said.

              “Maybe if I had been there when he was first burned, I could have done something,” Yugoda said, visibly distraught.  “But when one heals, the body is set in that way.  It can only be righted by reinjury.”

              “What are you referring to?” Hakoda asked.

              “The damage caused by his burn.  I cannot rid him of that scar, nor restore all abilities of his ear and eye. Nuktuk will have to learn to adapt to his handicap.  I’m sorry.”

              Hakoda hadn’t realized until then that some part of him hoped a waterbending healer could do something for Zuko’s burn.  He had never seen waterbending healing in action; it seemed magical. How could magic like that fail?

              But it was for the best.  It would only serve to distress Zuko further if he woke up to an unblemished face and unencumbered sight and hearing.  Yugoda’s failed attempt to heal the old wound would be kept a secret from the boy.

              For now.

              “Great.”  Zuko raised his head.  He wiped away the tears spread across his face.  “I was put in water again for no good reason.”  Guilt twanged in Hakoda’s heart.  Of course the boy was hesitant to be submerged.  An adult that barely survived drowning in the ocean would avoid the sea.  To a child, it might feel torturous to be submerged in even a small pool for healing. Hakoda hadn’t considered that.

              He should have.

              “Not quite.  She did heal a few injuries that you apparently still had from going overboard,” Kustaa said.  “As well as some scrapes and bruises from your time on the Akhlut.  The most prominent injury she healed was what she called ‘a rather stubborn concussion’.  Once you’ve gotten a full night’s sleep, you should feel much better.”

              “…I suppose that’s good,” Zuko said begrudgingly.  He rubbed his eyes, stifling a yawn.

              “You should probably go to bed,” Hakoda said.  Zuko yawned.  “Little warrior.”

              “Don’t call me that,” Zuko muttered.

              “Why not?  It’s what you are.”  Hiding his serious thoughts behind a playful smile, Hakoda flicked the short wolf’s tail Zuko’s hair had been put into.  Zuko scowled at him.  “You’ll be sleeping in this tent with me tonight.”  Hakoda nodded at a corner, where he had put the pile of furs that had become Zuko’s bed while he was a toddler.

              “Okay, Chief,” Zuko mumbled.  He yawned again.  Kustaa stood and pulled Zuko to his feet.

              “Come with me.  Let’s have you hit the latrines before bed,” the healer said.  Zuko nodded.  Kustaa exited the tent, Zuko toddling alongside him.

              Hakoda let out a tired sigh.

------ 

              Iroh,

              I know how you desperately hope that the spirits intervened when your nephew was lost at sea.  As such, I am glad to share the news that they did.

              During our journey to our sister tribe, we came across a Southern ship. On board was a boy, clearly Fire Nation, with a large burn on the side of his face.  Our healer informed me the boy was spirit touched.  As a leader of my Tribe, I take care to interact with spirit touched individuals and determine why the spirits intervened in their lives. After speaking with the boy, my suspicions about his identity were confirmed.

              Your nephew, Zuko, is alive.  The crew of our sister tribe’s ship has taken care of him as though he were their own, and he seems pleased enough to be with them.

              Our sister tribe asked that I not give you their location, for their safety. I must acquiesce to their request for the sake of tribal unity.  But you may know that they have been traveling along the Earth Kingdom coast. The same coast you were traveling along when Zuko went overboard.

              The boy seems very invested in maintaining his dignity.  That may be something to keep in mind, should you cross paths with him.

              Best,

              Pakku

                The letter trembled in Iroh’s hands.  He stared down at the loosely elegant handwriting of his old friend, unable to believe what he had just read.  Zuko…was alive?

              “Thank you, spirits,” Iroh whispered, his head bowed.  He had been ridden with guilt since the events at the North Pole, when his inaction had resulted in a young woman giving her life to save the Moon Spirit.  That guilt, combined with the grief over losing Zuko, had caused him to part ways with the Wani, its crew, and the Fire Nation as a whole.  The knowledge that the spirits hadn’t held the incident against his family was humbling.

              Starting my own tea shop will have to wait.  Iroh tucked the letter into a pocket.  …But that doesn’t mean I can’t visit someone else’s.  Tracking down Zuko will require the kind of planning I can only get while enjoying a nice ginseng.

[bestillmyslashyheart]

The Red Name pt 7 *Complete*

Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || On Ao3

Alex didn’t bother with coffee this time. He didn’t need it. As tired as he was a minute ago, he was wide awake now. In front of him Michael crouched in his living room, playing with his dog. His bags were piled neatly inside the front door.

He was here.

“I’m confused,” he finally said. Michael looked up at him and slowly rose to his feet.

“You said if we wanted this to work, to be real, we had to work through our issues and we couldn’t do that from opposite sides of the country,” Michael reminded him. He was taking slow steps towards Alex. “We agreed that our biggest problem was that I was in Roswell and you were here,” he added. “Well now I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere. At least, not anywhere without you.”

“You can’t just-” Alex stuttered. “You can’t just show up on my doorstep at 5 o’clock in the morning and- what time was your flight?!”

Michael laughed. “Flew out last night. Took a cab from the airport.”

“You’re insane,” Alex commented mildly. “What about Max and Isobel?”

“They bought me the plane ticket,” Michael explained. He was much closer now. “They promised me that Roswell would always be my hometown and they would always be my family but-”

“But what?” Alex breathed. 

“But it isn’t home. Not anymore. Not since the day you left.”

“You’re really moving here?”

“I already did. Just need to find a place to live and a garage to work at and I’m set.”

“You just picked up and moved across the country without telling me?” Alex raised an eyebrow. “Without asking me if I want this? If I’m okay with this?”

Michael didn’t even hesitate. “Yes. Because I know you, Alex Manes, and you want this as much as I do. You have been asking me to come with you since we were 21 and I’m sorry I took so long but yeah, I’m here. If you don’t want this, that’s fine, I’ll respect it. But I’m not going back to Roswell. I will be here until you do want this.”

“You’re that sure of yourself, huh?” Alex hated the waver he heard in his own voice. He was trying to be strong and stoic but it was impossible with Michael this close and this earnest.

“No,” he replied instantly. “I’m that sure of us. The biggest issue is already taken care of. Now we just need to make it work. And I know you,” he gave him that tiny head shake and smile Alex would forever associate with the words ‘I never look away’, “and you won’t let us fail. Not now. Not with both of us fighting for it.”

Alex swallowed. “Both of us fighting, huh? You’re going to pull your weight in this relationship?”

“I don’t look away, Alex. And I’m not walking away. Not ever again,” he promised as he brought their foreheads together. 

“I hate you,” Alex groaned. Michael, to his credit, just chuckled. “I have to go to work and no I can’t call out sick. You have the worst timing, I swear to god.”

“Oh yeah?” Michael smiled. “Why’s that?”

Alex kissed him. Hell, he was fairly certain some part of his subconscious was actively trying to fuse his body to Michael’s. It was only when Buffy’s barking reached obnoxious levels that they pulled apart. But even then they didn’t go very far. “I have to take her out,” Alex panted, more than a little out of breath. “And then I have to take a shower, alone, and get ready for work.”

“What time do you get off?”

Alex groaned and kissed him again. “Do not ask me that. I can’t be thinking of that all day.”

“I think that ship has sailed,” Michael laughed.

“What will you do?” 

“Today? Look for a job, find a place to live.” He shrugged. “As much as I would love to move right in-”

“We should go slow,” Alex finished for him. “Date first. Then live together.”

“Agreed.” Buffy whined from the front door. “Look, I’ll take her out, you take your shower and get ready.”

Alex followed him to the door and pushed him to the wall for one last kiss before finally letting him go. Once they were gone, he leaned against the door, his forehead braced against it as he took deep breaths to calm down. He went to sleep last night convinced he’d probably never see Michael again and now he’s here, and he’s staying, and they’re going to date. 

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: max.evans@ccsd.gov

You can’t just put him on a plane and send him to me Maxwell. He’s not a gift.

And you couldn’t even give me a head’s up??

A

From: max.evans@ccsd.gov

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

No returns.

You’re welcome.

Max Evans

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: max.evans@ccsd.gov

Thank you

 A

---

“I take it you worked things out,” Jenna was immensely gratified to see Max jump as she slid onto the side of his desk. He was too busy checking out Kyle’s ass to notice so she figured he deserved it. 

“Uh, what?” 

She nodded at Kyle’s retreating back. “With Valenti. And Liz, I guess but Valenti was the source of the freak out right?”

Max looked like a fish, his mouth opening and closing. “How did you know-”

Jenna raised an eyebrow. “C’mon Evans. I know you,” she nudged him with her knee. “You sleep with him without Liz yet?”

“What? No! That’s not-!”

“Uhuh,” she grinned. “Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.” She winked at him and left him sputtering in her wake.

From: jenna.cameron@ccsd.gov

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

You’re going to keep me posted on all things Max and Kyle right? I need more information if I’m going to keep up this all knowing pretense

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: jenna.cameron@ccsd.gov

You could just spy on them the old fashioned way

A

From: jenna.cameron@ccsd.gov

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

Too much work. You’re faster

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: jenna.cameron@ccsd.gov

Was that an actual compliment, Sgt Cameron?

A

From: jenna.cameron@ccsd.gov

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

Don’t let it go to your head, Captain

---

From: maria.deluca@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

How did you deal with your bisexual awakening? Asking for a friend

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: maria.deluca@gmail.com

First of all, I don’t think our friendship has quite reached the point where we can talk about your sex life with my sister

Second of all, I am the wrong person to ask. I didn’t have a sexuality crisis. I just knew. I figured it was an alien thing until I realized Max and Isobel weren’t bi. And given recent events, I’m back to thinking it’s an alien thing. You puny humans and your outdated sexual binary tsk tsk

Third, find a hot chick and hook up with her. See if it’s women or just Isobel. Also, you need to get laid.

M

From: maria.deluca@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

First, I wasn’t talking about our sex life but once we get to that point I’ll be sure to fill you in

Second, you are literally useless with this aren’t you?

Third, been there done that, it was fun but nothing to write home about?

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: maria.deluca@gmail.com

Talk to Max. Or Kyle. Maybe they can commiserate on your latent bisexuality?

M

P.S. please for the love of god do not give me details about my sister’s sex life. I’m begging you. (but like, go have one with her? If you want?)

“Maria,” Max called from the other end of the bar. He and Kyle waved when she looked over but she just spared them a nod in greeting while she helped a customer.

Gabrielle passed by her to help them and Maria reached out and grabbed her arm lightly. “I’ll take the guys if you can help these folks?” She nodded at the customer she’d just been talking to.

“Sure thing,” Gabrielle agreed easily. Maria smiled in thanks and stepped neatly past her.

“Hey guys,” she greeted as she leaned across the bar. “Thanks for coming over.”

“Any time,” Kyle assured her.

“What’s up?” Max asked.

“I need someone to talk to about this whole I might actually be bi thing and Michael was absolutely no help but then I thought you two might be able to commiserate,” she explained brightly. They exchanged glances, their cheeks flushed, before both started shaking their heads.

“That’s not-”

“We’re not-”

“Uhuh,” she brushed them off. “Anyway, Liz is tragically straight, Rosa and Michael are completely unhelpful, and I can’t talk to Isobel about this, so that leaves you two.”

“What about Alex?” Kyle was quick to offer. Maria raised an eyebrow. “I thought you two were getting along better now?”

“We are,” she agreed. It was even mostly true. “But I’m not sure how a man who’s been out as gay since we were 13 can really sympathize with a sexuality crisis in my 30s.”

“You turned 30 two weeks ago,” Kyle leveled her with an unimpressed look.

“Like I said, in my 30s.”

“Ok fine,” Kyle sighed heavily. “I’m not sure how much help I’ll be but if you want to talk, I’m here.”

They both looked at Max. He looked mildly uncomfortable until Kyle elbowed him in the ribs. “Yeah, me too. If you want to talk. About you.”

Maria laughed. “Go find a table, I’ll send over some beers until I can join you.”

“You’re a queen, Maria!” Kyle leaned over and kissed her cheek. “A queen!”

“And don’t you forget it!”

---

From: max.evans@ccsd.gov

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

I might be more into Kyle than I thought

Max Evans

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: max.evans@ccsd.gov

Well do I have good news for you. You’re already dating the guy! Just kiss him

Side note: welcome to the party, it’s a real bisexual alien blast. See Isobel for your welcome packet

M

From: max.evans@ccsd.gov

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

You’re not nearly as funny as you think you are.

Max Evans

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: max.evans@ccsd.gov

I’m hilarious

M

From: max.evans@ccsd.gov

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

Thanks

Max Evans

From: max.evans@ccsd.gov

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

For not making a big deal out of it I mean

Max Evans

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: max.evans@ccsd.gov

Wouldn’t dream of it

M

---

From: isobelevans@evansevents.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

3 attachments

If you tell anyone about this I will send Buffy one of those dog toys with a million pieces that you’ll never find again.

It’s my official first date (actually really official this time) with Maria and I have no idea what to wear.

I like the first one but she won’t tell me where we’re going or what we’re doing so I don’t want to be overdressed. The second one might be too casual. And the third’s a little uncomfortable but I look amazing in it

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: isobelevans@evansevents.com

Don’t ever threaten my dog with toys again, I swear she perked up as soon as I read your message. I mean the puppy eyes were out in full force and I don’t need that kind of pressure from her

Congrats on the date. I’m glad it’s working out and everyone’s on the same page this time.

Go with #2. Maria’s not going to take you anywhere super fancy so you won’t need the first one and as hot as you look in the last one, she’ll know if you’re uncomfortable and that’ll just put her on edge. Plus, you look the most like yourself in that one and Maria’s looking to date you not the fancy dress

From: isobelevans@evansevents.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

Should I threaten to ship the Airstream then? I can fill it with the files out of his bunker?

And thank you.

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: isobelevans@evansevents.com

Don’t even think about it. My apartment is not big enough for all of that research

From: isobelevans@evansevents.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

Your apartment? I thought he had his own? Something you two forgot to share with the class?

“Wow,” was all Maria could say when Isobel opened the door. She sent up a silent thank you to Alex for the suggestion.

“You look amazing,” she replied. And Maria did. She was wearing her favorite peasant skirt with a crop top and a denim jacket and she looked so very Maria it was breathtaking.

Maria smiled and leaned up and kissed her lightly on the lips. She pulled away almost before Isobel realized what had happened and smiled shyly. “Sorry. I was going to wait for the end of the night but-”

Isobel cupped her face and kissed her slowly. She didn’t push, she couldn’t, but she let it linger as she savored the feeling.

“Wow,” Maria breathed. Her eyes were still closed. “I really want to take you out but I’m suddenly okay with just doing that all night.”

“We can do that later,” Isobel promised. “I want you to take me out.”

Maria smiled and took her hand. “Well, then, Ms. Evans, let’s go.”

---

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: isobelevans@evansevents.com; max.evans@ccsd.gov

HANDPRINT PLUS MARK

YOU WILL THANK ME

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: isobelevans@evansevents.com; max.evans@ccsd.gov

HANDPRINT ON THEM WHILE THEY TOUCH THE MARK + SEX = NEVERENDING ORGASM

From: isobelevans@evansevents.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com; max.evans@ccsd.gov

These are our work emails, Michael! And I don’t need details on your sex life, ew

From: max.evans@ccsd.gov

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

Holy shit

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: max.evans@ccsd.gov

You’re welcome

From: isobelevans@evansevents.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

Oh my god

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: isobelevans@evansevents.com

Exactly

---

Liz was surprised for about half a second, she’ll freely admit that. This was not something she had expected to come home to tonight but she was definitely not going to complain. 

In the kitchen, Max had Kyle pressed into a counter as they kissed. “Jesus, how does Liz do this?” Kyle pushed at Max a little bit. “My neck already hurts.” Liz hid her smile. She definitely did get neck cramps occasionally. But she and Max had worked out a way around that, usually entailing Liz up on a-

Max pushed up under Kyle’s armpits and lifted him onto the counter. “Holy shit,” Kyle gasped.

“We make it work.” Liz could hear the smirk in his voice as they fell back into each other. 

From: lizortecho@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

Max and Kyle are making out in our kitchen right now. I don’t know whether I should feel left out or really turned on

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: lizortecho@gmail.com

Both?

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: lizortecho@gmail.com

1 attachment

Oh by the way…

Who’s the genius now Lizzie??

Liz rolled her eyes at the new moniker and opened the attachment. Her keys fell out of her hand as it flew to her mouth to stifle her gasp. The top of the page had the MIT logo and the first line read, “Congratulations Mr. Michael Guerin.”

She slipped out the front door and called him.

“Better than CU Boulder?”

“Holy shit Mikey, that’s amazing!” She yelled. “You’re seriously going to MIT?”

“That’s what the paper said.”

“Oh my god I’m so happy for you!”

“Thanks,” he suddenly sounded sheepish.

Liz rolled her eyes. “You deserve it, Michael, seriously. Or did you think we were all blowing smoke up your ass when we called you a genius?”

“Nah, I figured there had to be some truth to it all.”

Liz leaned against the closed front door. “What about Alex?”

“He’s happier than you are. I got a very nice congratulations present from him already.”

“Ew,” she laughed. “I meant, I thought you two weren’t splitting up? How’s it going to work if you’re at MIT and he’s at Andrews?”

“Yeah, I guess that would be an issue if he was staying here.”

Liz straightened. “He’s being relocated? I thought he’d be there until his service was up.”

Michael hummed. “I don’t pretend to understand the specifics-”

“Bullshit, you just don’t want to tell me.”

“That too,” he agreed. “But yes, he’s moving with me. We’ve realized we don’t do well with long distance so we’re just not going to.”

“Look at you two acting like two mature adults in a relationship,” she teased. “I’m really happy for you, Michael. For both of you.”

“Thanks, Liz.” He sobered. “Serious question.”

It was never a serious question when Michael said it like that. “Hit me.”

“Why the fuck are you talking to me when your boyfriends are making out with each other in your kitchen?”

“That is an excellent question,” Liz realized. “I will talk to you later.”

Michael laughed. “Bye. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“That’s not saying much.”

“Have fun with your boy toys.”

---

She did. They had fun too, before and after she joined them.

---

From: isobelevans@evansevents.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com; alex.manes@gmail.com

2 attachments

You are not missing our birthday again this year if I have to fly up there and drag you back here myself. I already bought your tickets and Maria and Rosa are going to fix up the cabin so it’s not all dusty.

See you on the 7th.

Isobel

Michael wasn’t sure where it went wrong. He wasn’t even sure what went wrong. The air hummed with the remnants of their shouts. 

Four days. They’d been back in Roswell four days and they were at each other’s throats. 

“What are we fighting about?” Alex asked wearily. His shoulders were tense and his hair was in a disarray from where he’d been running his fingers through it. The last time Michael had seen him like this he’d had a bad day at work. A really bad day. He’d walked through the door like the world was weighing him down, his shoulders tense but bowed, his hair a mess, and Michael had wanted to fight everyone who’d even spoken to Alex that day because they’d all contributed to it. And right now, it was him. He was the one who made Alex look like that. 

“Pack your bags,” he ordered.

Alex balked. “What?”

“Pack up. We’re leaving.”

“And going where?” Alex sighed.

“Home,” Michael said simply. “I don’t know what it is about this place that makes us so miserable for each other but I’m sick of it. Let’s go home.”

“Isobel’s going to be pissed,” Alex warned. 

Michael shrugged. “Let her be pissed. I’m not going to fight with you, not over,” he waved a hand at their general vicinity, “I don’t even know what, honestly. You weren’t kidding when you said you couldn’t come back here. I didn’t really take you seriously and I’m sorry about that but now I understand so let’s leave. Go home, go back to being us.”

“Your family’s here, Michael,” Alex sounded exhausted. “We can’t just leave and never come back.”

“They can come to us.” Michael walked over and carded his fingers through the fine hairs at the back of Alex’s neck. “Maybe one day we can come back and be okay but that day isn’t today so let’s go. I’ve seen Max and Izzy, I’ve had drinks with Liz and Rosa and Maria and Jenna, I’ve kicked Kyle’s ass at pool, and watched the sunset in the desert. I am quite literally good to go. And even if I wasn’t, you are. So let’s leave. Just pack our stuff and go. We can get a hotel in Albuquerque and fly home in the morning.”

“And everyone else?”

Michael smiled. “I’ll send them an email.”

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: isobelevans@evansevents.com; max.evans@ccsd.gov; kyle.valenti@roswellhospital.org; maria.deluca@gmail.com; lizortecho@gmail.com; ghostortecho@gmail.com; jenna.cameron@ccsd.gov

Sorry to cut and run but we decided it was better if we just went home. Thanks for the birthday party, Iz.

It was great to see everyone but next time, why don’t you all come to us?

1832 Lexington Ave

Medford, MA 02155

M&A

From: lizortecho@gmail.com

To: isobelevans@evansevents.com; max.evans@ccsd.gov; kyle.valenti@roswellhospital.org; maria.deluca@gmail.com; ghostortecho@gmail.com; jenna.cameron@ccsd.gov; m.guerin47@gmail.com

Holy shit you’re actually giving us your address??

Also, you two owe me some hugs next time I see you. I will collect interest

Travel safe

Liz

From: isobelevans@evansevents.com

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Everything okay?

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: isobelevans@evansevents.com; m.guerin47@gmail.com

It will be. We might not be back in Roswell for a while, though.

A

From: isobelevans@evansevents.com

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As long as we get to come to you I can live with that

Isobel

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com 

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Always, Izzy

M

From: max.evans@ccsd.gov 

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Fly safe. Call me when you get home

Max Evans

From: maria.deluca@gmail.com 

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Prepare yourselves for lots of care packages. You will regret giving us your address.

Maria

---

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

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cc: alex.manes@gmail.com

Boston City Hall 

August 14th

4:00pm

Consider this your formal invitation.

M&A

From: isobelevans@evansevents.com

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cc: alex.manes@gmail.com

YOU ASSHOLES

This is not how you tell someone you’re getting married!

From: lizortecho@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com; max.evans@ccsd.gov; kyle.valenti@roswellhospital.org; maria.deluca@gmail.com; isobelevans@evansevents.com; ghostortecho@gmail.com; jenna.cameron@ccsd.gov

cc: alex.manes@gmail.com

Isobel’s just upset you stole her and Maria’s thunder. Congratulations you two! We’ll be there!

(A little more notice wouldn’t have killed you by the way)

Liz

From: maria.deluca@gmail.com

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cc: alex.manes@gmail.com

ELIZABETH

From: maria.deluca@gmail.com

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But yes, of course, Isobel and I will be there too. Congratulations!

Love,

Maria

From: ghostortecho@gmail.com

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cc: alex.manes@gmail.com

I’ll be there. Jenna’s my +1

From: lizortecho@gmail.com

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cc: alex.manes@gmail.com

WHAT?

From: maria.deluca@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com; max.evans@ccsd.gov; kyle.valenti@roswellhospital.org; lizortecho@gmail.com; isobelevans@evansevents.com; ghostortecho@gmail.com; jenna.cameron@ccsd.gov

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What?

From: isobelevans@evansevents.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com; max.evans@ccsd.gov; kyle.valenti@roswellhospital.org; maria.deluca@gmail.com; lizortecho@gmail.com; ghostortecho@gmail.com; jenna.cameron@ccsd.gov

cc: alex.manes@gmail.com

...Did we not know about this? I thought we knew about this?

From: jenna.cameron@ccsd.gov

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cc: alex.manes@gmail.com

You knew about this

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com; max.evans@ccsd.gov; kyle.valenti@roswellhospital.org; lizortecho@gmail.com; isobelevans@evansevents.com; ghostortecho@gmail.com; maria.deluca@gmail.com; jenna.cameron@ccsd.gov 

We knew about this

P.S. Michael’s graduating from MIT on the 17th if you want to stay an extra couple of days

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: isobelevans@evansevents.com; max.evans@ccsd.gov; kyle.valenti@roswellhospital.org; maria.deluca@gmail.com; lizortecho@gmail.com; ghostortecho@gmail.com; jenna.cameron@ccsd.gov

cc: alex.manes@gmail.com

ALEX

From: max.evans@ccsd.gov

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Wait, what? Since when is Michael at MIT?

From: ghostortecho@gmail.com

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cc: alex.manes@gmail.com

Since they moved to Boston so he could go? Keep up, Max

From: kyle.valenti@roswellhospital.org

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com; max.evans@ccsd.gov; ghostortecho@gmail.com; lizortecho@gmail.com; isobelevans@evansevents.com; maria.deluca@gmail.com; jenna.cameron@ccsd.gov

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I thought you guys were getting better at the whole communication thing?

Michael, congrats on graduating and congrats to you both on getting engaged. I will try my best to be there but I’m not sure if I can get the time off with such short notice.

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com; max.evans@ccsd.gov; kyle.valenti@roswellhospital.org; lizortecho@gmail.com; isobelevans@evansevents.com; ghostortecho@gmail.com; maria.deluca@gmail.com; jenna.cameron@ccsd.gov 

Isobel?

From: isobelevans@evansevents.com

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cc: alex.manes@gmail.com

I’ll take care of it. He’ll be there

From: kyle.valenti@roswellhospital.org

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Should I be worried?

From: isobelevans@evansevents.com

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No

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: isobelevans@evansevents.com; max.evans@ccsd.gov; kyle.valenti@roswellhospital.org; maria.deluca@gmail.com; lizortecho@gmail.com; ghostortecho@gmail.com; jenna.cameron@ccsd.gov

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No

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com; max.evans@ccsd.gov; kyle.valenti@roswellhospital.org; lizortecho@gmail.com; isobelevans@evansevents.com; ghostortecho@gmail.com; maria.deluca@gmail.com; jenna.cameron@ccsd.gov 

No

From: kyle.valenti@roswellhospital.org

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com; max.evans@ccsd.gov; ghostortecho@gmail.com; lizortecho@gmail.com; isobelevans@evansevents.com; maria.deluca@gmail.com; jenna.cameron@ccsd.gov

cc: alex.manes@gmail.com

I’m officially worried

---

“Look at you,” Maria moseyed up next to him. Michael raised an eyebrow in question. “I was right.”

“About what?”

“I’ve finally seen you smile for real.” She kissed his cheek. “It’s a thing of beauty.” She reached up and played with his tassel. “Congratulations, Michael. You deserve this.” She tapped his new ring. “And this.”

“Thank you,” he replied sincerely, meaning more than just the compliment. Her expression sobered slightly as she picked up on it. “You were a lot stronger than me when I needed it the most. I wouldn’t have any of this if it hadn’t been for you.”

“Eh,” she nudged his shoulder. “I think you would have figured it out in the end.”

“I’m not so sure,” he mused.

She sighed heavily, a laugh clearly on the tip of her tongue. “Well, fine, if you insist. I guess I’ll have to take all the credit for everything good that happens to you.”

“What, don’t I get some credit?” Alex came up on her other side.

“Nope,” Maria shook her head. “I broke up with him so all of the credit for Michael’s success in life and in love is mine.”

Alex nodded solemnly. “I see your point. Yes, this is all thanks to you.” He held the stoic expression for a beat more then broke into a brilliant smile and kissed her cheek. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.” 

Someone, probably Isobel, called her name just then and slipped away from them. Michael hardly noticed, his attention already fixed on his husband. “Hey,” he greeted softly. Alex’s smile softened as he came over and wound his arms around Michael’s waist and kissed him lightly. 

“Hey,” he returned. “I tell you lately how proud I am of you?”

“You might have mentioned it once or twice.”

“Well, I am. And you should be proud of yourself.”

“Thank you for believing in me. Especially when I didn’t believe in myself,” Michael pressed their foreheads together.

“Always.”

“Oi, lovebirds! This ain’t your honeymoon yet!” Trust Rosa Ortecho to ruin a moment. They both started laughing and turned around to face their friends. As they did, they saw that every single one of them had their phones up and were taking pictures of them. 

“Oh that’s perfect,” Isobel declared. “Thank you, Rosa.”

Rosa shrugged. “Happy to help.”

“What?” Michael laughed. 

“I wanted natural smiles!” Isobel explained. “You looked so stiff in the pictures we took earlier.”

Alex exchanged a look with Jenna and before Michael knew it, his cap was gone and his cowboy hat was in its place. “Much better,” Alex grinned. “Come here, cowboy.” Alex grabbed the front of his graduation robe and pulled him into a kiss that Michael was helpless to resist. Even if they were both smiling too wide for it to be a good kiss.

The click of fake shutters echoed around them.

From: isobelevans@evansevents.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

2 attachments

Happiness looks good on you

[popculturebuffet]

The Loud House Reviews: Schooled!

Season 5, and regular coverage begin! The loud house finally moves into a new year chronologically: Lincoln and Co move up to Middle School but find themselves seperated when LIncoln accidently signs up for the wrong class and ends up with a mean teacher and frienemy chandler, and then ends up commuting to a Canadian school instead. The Canada part is more believable than a middle school not having multiple teachers for multiple subjects frankly but more ranting on that later. Meanwhile in order to get Lori moves on to college only to find every dorm is a comedic set piece, and Lynn Sr and Rita try to get Lily ready for pre school by potty training her. Finally in all this chaos Leni ends up attending pre school. Again still more believable than the single class thing. Ramblings about well guess, how amazing it is the show has lasted this long in this day and age, my thoughts on Lynn Jr being kind a obnoxious. 50% chad and my lessened hatred for rusty. Which again I assure you is more believable than the single class nonsense. Back to School, under the cut.

Welcome readers new and old to regular coverage of The Loud House! Couple of reasons for that. The first is, like amphibia, so I don’t fall behind as I tend to procastinate and let episodes of shows pile up, and i’m tired of it. The second is that I feel we need more Loud House content on this site that’s not loudcest, people shipping sam and lincoln soley to try and get back at the show for having a gay couple, and some weird stuff I can’t quite unwrap because i’m old. And keep in mind I understand 50% chad just fine.. look at him. 

So yeah I have a feeling young or old, i’m not the only one scared to go int here and hopefully I can give ya’ll something fun to look forward to or worth sifting through it. 

Now i’ve covered the show before.. 4 times in fact, having covered Brave the last dance as a one off way back and having covered ALL THREE SALUNA episodes during pride month. So check those out if you want my previous thoughts on the show as a whole, my faviorite character and her special lady, and me ranting about rusty/.. and we’ll get to him. But i’ve got a lot to talk about, some of it not directly about the episode so pitter pat er let’s get at eer.  The first thing I want to talk about is.. how big an occasion the show is. It’s not only at 5 seasons but it recently got renewed for a 6th and still has a movie on the way.. as I hope so does rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles.. please don’t let that movie have been canceled, that show went from okay to leaving me wanting more of my mad dogs... but yeah getting back on track they’ve offically reached... 

And that’s.. incredibly rare ESPECIALLY for nick. I mean yes spongebob will never die, and the fairly oddparents died way after it should’ve, but for the most part nick is a giant tire fire of dickheads when it comes to running a network. They have an absolutley ghastly habit of canceling a show as soon as possible, and if they already commissioned season 2 shuttling it to sister network nicktoons to die a quite death. They expect every show to become an overnight sucess, or else and it’s a freaking disgusting practice. And it’s still going: I mean just to bookend it, around the same time loud house started, we got the utter classic Harvey Beaks. The show had a sizeable audiences and what kids I showed it to loved it but because it wasn’t doing spongebob numbers Nick shuttled it to nicktoons then yelled at it’s creator for daring to be upset they you know.. moved his show to their designated graveyard without telling him and ended the show without giving them notice to change the ending. The final episode still WORKS as a final episode, but it wasn’t INTENDED to end on a bittersweet note and I blanme that on nick.  The bookend part comes from the fact that about a month before this Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turltes ended it’s run.. on Nicktoons, with no fanfare and like Harvey fans likely only knowing thanks to scheduling, had it’s final season cut in half so they had to rush the pacing of the final few episodes to wrap up as much as they could, AND the cancelation reason was the always reliably stupid “low toy sales” excuse.  The odds of a show surviving on nick, nevermind thriving are very slim and even outside the nightmare factory that is my once beloved childhood network, most animated shows last around 3 seasons. Disney channel usually cuts htem off around 4, and cartoon network around 3 if their that nice, with utter classic OK KO being one of the latest victims of the cancelation bug, and steven unvierse only got a 6th season after essentially being canceled and having to rush the ending, only THEN getting to go back and fill in the cracks with Future and the Movie.  And unlike fellow network loved show that’s gone on for a while, Teen Titans Go, the Loud House is still a pretty good show. It has it’s bumps, we’ll talk about some of them here and i’ve talked about em before, especially the “”With the casagrandes mini” which could’ve easily hurt said show but thankfully didn’t. It’s grown, going from being about the one boy among ten girls to being about all 11 kids, AND their parents and making earnest attempts to make once hated characters like Lori and Lola fully fleshed out.. it’s been more 50 50 with lynn, but more on that later. My point is the show’s tried to evolve, to grow out of having a simple status quo and actually let things change and it’s refreshing when a lot of comedy shows refuse to. The show CAN be hit ore miss in quality, but hte misses have become less cruel and the hits have become that much more impactful. 

Not only that but the show surivived the seeming impossible of it’s creator being revealed to be a sexual harassing creepy asshole who hopefully gets his dick sanded off for all eternity when he invetibly ends up in hell or whatevers next. Screw him but good on Nick for firing him swiftly, one of the few times in the last few years i could really say that about them and not be sarcastic, and good on the crew for carrying on easily without him. 

My point is.. it’s nice to not be attending another show’s funeral. After rise and then venture bros, it’s NICE to have a show surivive and carry on and decide NOT to rest at this stage and stay in it’s comfort zone but shake things up a bit. It’s nice in this stinkhole of a year to have something to celebrate, and yes i’m aware a back to school specail is ill timed, for obvious reasons, but it was likely in production long before covid and I can’t fault the writers for wanting to give kids an escape, nor for doing the quarntine special earlier to help them talk through it. So congrats loud house you earned it.  Now that’s out of the way, the not resting thing.. the thing that has me covering the show, and had me exxcited for this episode.. is that they decided to shake things up a lot by moving all the kids up an age and moving Lori up to college. And what makes this work.. is this wasn’t something they just sprung on the audience. it would’ve worked with that after 4 years of the same age and general stuff.. but season 3 started setting it up with Lincoln and Clyde’s middle school visit and Lori’s college interview, both things i’ll likely cover ventually, while Season 4, after the mini series, had most Lori episodes focus on getting her ready for it: From her senior year, to Leni realizing she’d be gone and being panicky over it, to her working to get a car, which she rides off in this episode. The show dedicated one of it’s few arcs, and probably the only non-romantic one outside of Ronnie Anne and Bobby moving to their spinoff, to this. 

They were all in on this and there was no turning back, and shaking up the status quo like this is a risk as some viewers fear change and run from it like cowards> Me.. I loved it. I loved the idea of taking Lincoln to a new school, giving him and his friends new stuff to do and new challenges to face,  having Lori move away, have Luna learn to drive, have Lisa enter kindergarten, Lily say more etc. And there’s even things I didn’t think of that two upcoming episode synposis suprised me with: birthday episodes, though it’d be best to spread them out but i’m hoping strife of the party isn’t the only one, and the power vacum: Can Leni take over for Lori.. should she? Should Luna or Luaan try instead. Do they even want to? it’s all good questions. It’s a simple but small change that helps change up the show for the better, opens up new avenues while not salting the earth for the old as demonstrated by half of the upcoming episdoes for the next two weeks being ones that could’ve been done at any point in the show. 

So yeah my hype was at maxium, helped by the fact I love one hour specials of shows: “Change Your Mind” “Reign Storm”, all three ducktales have done so far with “Let’s Get Dangeorus” likely adding to that list.. it’s usually a great time for shows to go all out, show waht they got and tell deeper stories. So the big question all this has been leading up to: what did loud house, 5 seasons in,k with a clean slate and tone sof potetial do with their premiere? Well let’s take a look shall we?  This episode is divided into 4 plots, one of which is really a plot inside a plot but still technically 4, all centered around school starting: Lincoln and Co have their first day of middle school, Lori is moving to college after all that setup, and Lily is finally old enough for daycare. And Lynn Sr is having a slow motion breakdown at first, he gets out of it quickly, because understandably he’s feeling mealcholy about not only having all his kids in school but having his first leave him. Sure he still has a full hosue but it’s still rough having one of the few constants in  your life , a chaotic life at that go. So each one focuses on one of them. THe fourht if your curious has Leni accidently end up in Lily’s pre school and is comedy gold. More on that in a minute.  This is actually one of the episodes problems as only Lincoln’s plot and Lori’s plot feel like they naturally dovetail, while Lily’s plot feels like an eleven minute episode that was bootstrapped to this one either to get her into daycare faster or to pad it out to an hour along with parts of the Lincoln plot. It’s till not a BAD episode, but it dosen’t feel quite as cohesive as it should, or as big in scope being an hour long, with most of the loud kids outside the four with plots not getting more than a cameo, though Lisa gets to be the best part of LIly’s plot, and Lynn.. we’ll get to her. It’s not great. I do GET why they did this, as trying to focus on ALL of them at once is nigh impossible and it let the stories breathe better, but it still feels weird that none of them have a reaction to lori being gone and frankly I think the stronger story would be to have had lily potty train LAST season, and then focus this on Lori leaving, the family adjusting, and have Lincoln’s middle school woes be the b plot. Now granted we have a full season to rumninate on her absence, and how it effects the others, so it’s not the hugest lost, but i feels like a waste of the extra time to just pile three episodes into one when a half hour could’ve done the same and saved you two half hours for later. It’s not terrible, but it could’ve been better. Now i’m done moping about the special as a whole for a second let’s break down each plot one at a time. 

The A-Plot: Lincoln Took off to Canada the Other Dayyyyyyyyy The plot is very simple and the adds and summary sadly telegraphed it.. which didn’t help because it’s very clear from the episode Lincoln getting sent to canada is a wacky twist and not supposed to be in the adds. I mean I can’t blame them it’s in half the episode, but it still would’ve been funnier if they kept it as a suprise. And yes if you didn’t know about this episode LIncoln gets sent to canada which is somehow not too weird for the show.  So Lincoln and Co are starting high school. And now’s as good a review as any to TALK about Lincoln’s supporting cast. I did a bit during my review of Brave the Last Dance but feel it’s a good time to talk about them again update opinons and what not. I do feel like they sometimes blend into each other a bit much and shine best when one of them is given the spotlight to play off the others instead of all playing a supporitng role. It’s why I like “Pasture Bedtime” and “brave the last dance” so much: They let the characters breathe while still giving one some extra focus. As for each indivdiually. 

Clyde as I said there i’ve come around on: Early on how tolerable he was was a coin flip: he could be an adorable, somewhat awkard, sheltered kid but one eager to help his friend with his various schemes, as he is now only with a love of baking which is even better. But he could ALSO be a creepy little bugger who either had a freaking anime nose bleed and fainted when Lori was around, or tried to break her and Bobby up, Bobby who is not only the nicest character on BOTH shows in general but was extra nice to Clyde despite all this. Granted I think my boy was too dense to realize Clyde was being a one man asshole parade, but still. It dosen’t help that with Savino’s later ousting for doing the same shit but as a grown ass man. Thankfully he has done a complete recovery and the Lori bit was thankfully dropped and with Bobby gone, he couldn’t hurt my baby boy anymore, so they moved on to other parts of him. Plus I love his dad’s not just for the obvious being gay dads but for being good characters in their own right. 

Stella is easily my favorite of the group, i’ve gone on about her before and Haley Tju does a wonderful job with her, and she feels a bit more three dimensional than the rest of the non-clyde members of the group. Not fully, but still a bit more than the one trait they get and hopefully like our next one up and clyde, she actually gets to start showing up outside of lincoln’s friend squad team episodes. 

Liam is easily my second faviorite. I”m aware he’s not the most complex boy: He’s a farmer, and he knows how to tame animals.. that’s about what he’s used for.. but he’s a sweet enoguh kid he makes it work. And frankly said trait works for him because shockingly, out of all of lincoln’s non clyde friends he’s shown up the MOST in stories not involving Lincoln, and even in one of those lately not involving hte rest of his friends. No really, he popped up in racing hearts in season 3, and Senior Moment and Snoops On Last season. It’s not a TON of episodes overall but compared to the rest of them it’s very noticable and I love it. More please. 

Moving on to the ones i’ve bitched about... Zach. Yeah.. my thoughts can best be summed up as this. 

I mean.. Lincoln’s friends, even the more cheerful ones are capable of feeling defeat and pesimsim, if you want one to downtalk people you have rusty, and “has a tatoo , likes antqiues and belives in cryptids” aren’t really great quirks. If they did more with them or used them OUTSIDE of his episodes sure, but otherwise .. why is he here other than not wanting to explain his absence? Sure he plays off rusty.. but Stella could easily do his role as that and even then they don’t use him for that enough to really justify being him around. Either have a point with him or quitely write him out.. Star Vs, for all it’s flaws, leanred this as far back as season 2 with alphonso and ferguson, AND when people qutestioned where they are actually brought them back to properly write them off and gave them closure in the episode they gave the rest of the echo creek cast the same. Just pick one. And if you want him to knock rusty down a peg fine, just do so.  And now Rusty.. my old nemisis.... and things have changed. Do I still LIKE Rusty? nope. Just.. nope. I don’t. He’s still a skeezy little idiot.. but I realized that unlike LIam he at least has a purpose in the group: He’s the Micheal Kelso. Granted UNLIKE kelso, they don’t go the extra mile and have his friends poke fun at him, but this isn’t that kind of friendship, and with Lynn now around more and Chandler now likely going to be the same, there’s more opprotunites for someone outside the group to rightfully insult the little moron. And if their not going to.. I realized I could. I realized I ENJOY insulting him, taking the piss out of his unjusitfied ego, and just having fun making fun fo the little goober. And more than that.. I realized he DOES have redeeming qualities. He’s a genuinely good friend, he loves his friends dearly and has no trouble showing affection despite his misplaced swagger. I may mock the kid, and I will again.. but he’s not a bad person and will likely grow out of being a dipweasel, just not on screen. I realized having a deep abiding hatred of him just wasn’t good for me when simply mocking him constantly does the trick. There are other, more important things to get pissed about. Rusty isn’t that important. But he is good joke fodder and unlike the show with Zach I refuse to pass up an opportunity. 

But yeah now that’s out of the way, the basic setup here infuraties me. It’s for mildly stupid reasons, but ones i’m going to go to bat for: Lincoln dosen’t get into the same class as his friends. As in their still treating this like elementary school and having everyone in the same class for every subject. That.. that’s not how middle school works. that’s not how any of this works. They don’t lump groups of the same kids into one tract of classes, even electives like cooking or forced ones like PE, which thanks to my autisim I was allowed to attend a diffrent kind of PE that wasn’t an utter fucking nightmare. And you may say “Well Jake your a near 30 blobby shell of a man and things change” which is accurate but they haven’t changed that much. Girl Meets World was only 6 years ago. And while they DID have Cory as the only real teacher they USED, he was still shown to be their history teacher and it was lampshaded sometimes how he wasn’t their only class. And yes I know a lot can change in 6 years, the hellscape we’re in proves that, but just simply ASKING my middle schooler nephew if this is still how that works.. and yup it is. Now it could be diffrent by region, but for the most part the conseus seems to be on diffrent teachers for diffrent subjects. And again as Girl Meets World shows, it’s not THAT complicated. Just have one teacher you use for everything or have a home room. Why do this, why. Just why exactly. Why. You barely used actually in school classes for plots anyway and mostly did stuff around the edges like crushes or lunch or dodge ball. Speaking of which where is Girl Jordan. Where IS she? Anyways, my point is this, especailly as a ned’s declassified school surivvial guide on this very network,f fan really annoys me and takes me out of things..  And the thing is they COULD’VE still done this plot just had the gang all adjust, not just lincoln, to not being in the same class togehter. Have them have to do various classes WITHOUT having each other to rely on. You could even have chandler and mr. bohlmer show up. But the way they do this just..d osen’t really make sense and just feels lazy. And if there were good jokes i’d be fine with his but their aren’t. IT’s just a mean teacher and Lincoln being picked on by a moron for the first half while his friends struggle to function without him. It’s just sad and not in the well written, well thought out way.  Then we get to “This needs to be an hour” portion of the plot as again the above could’ve EASILY worked for the full hour but because they instead went with this, they had to think of something else... and went with something bonkers that at the very least is entertaining: Lincoln, after convincing his teacher for a transfer, which I did like as he uses his head: He sees his teacher wants something diffrent for lunch and paper airplaners her a cupon for his dad’s restraunt then talks himself into an off campus lunch to talk her into a new class.. and winds up transfered to canada as she well meaningly  did so he can’t get out of. And while I thought this was just wacky exageration having him commute.. turns out .. nope. While I don’t know if any school would actually have a student commute to Canada rather than jsut stay there turns out Royal Woods is in michigan and Michigan is across a lake from Ontario.. so yeah.. they did their geography research but not their middle school one. Weird ain’t it?  Anywho, I ended up liking this portion... and not just because it has canada gooses, which means i can use this. 

And if you have a problem with Letterkenny you got a problem with me and I suggest you let that one marinate. But yeah we get an ENTIRE number playing into canadian stereotypes and it’s clear this show is rather than using them for a cheap laugh just exagerating things for fun and a slight nudge to canadians, who I clearly love. It feels less like “oh ha ha canada” and more like if the great white north was stretched over 15 minutes but still worked. 

It’s just good fun. And they also again have an entire musical number full of canadian sterotypes and expressing love of this great country which I hope to visit some day.. and possibly live if this country countinues to get worse. It just feels nice and more creative than the first half. It’s still not FANTASTIC, but it works somehow and Ic an’t explain why. Eventually LIncoln tries to get kicked out, fails then plans to blow the hockey game for everyone and calls on his friends to help, sending them all to canada wh ere they get lost in the wilderness. There is a funny bit where Stella’s gps literally freezes over and zach acidently smashes it as well as Rusty’s “Moustache�� one pathetic hair because why should his moustache be anything else freezes off. and given even with me being less vitrolic his suffering is my catnip I enjoyed it. We also get a cute sequence of them runing the ice and rusty failing at anything because of course he does, while Liam both tames a moose and slathers them in grease to swim across because of COURSE he does. Of course he does. IT’s just a refreshing jolt of energy after the first half. But we do get a really damn good scene after htey fail.. besides the fact Rusty’s head is frozen, which would be funny even if it wasnt’ happenign to rusty, that just makes it go from chuckle worthy to giant uncomfortable laugh worthy, where Lincoln gives up: They’ll still be firends and he’ll still come visit but it’s best he just adapt to his new life instead of try and fight so hard against it and he’s starting to enjoy canada. It’s a well acted and sad scene that ends with a huge hug from clyde and another bit we’ll get to in a second.  But because having LIncoln in canada would be hard to maintain for a few seasons, and because as degrassi shows me the odds of him getting nearly beaten to death, caught in school shooting, stabbed in a parking lot or ending up in a kevin smith film which back then was a treat but now is a coin flip, are very high. Seriously he dosen’t want to end up in moose jaws, he instead gets banned from canada for three years for refusing maple syurp... which is also fucking hilarious just for it’s sheer rediculousness. Who dosen’t love canadian maple syrup?  So the ballance is restored, Liam has  moose now, and Lincoln actually gets the trailer heat turned down because he asked.. this plot was not very good as I made clear and drags the specail down and it’s in part because there were other joke and character opprotunites iwth ACTUAL middle school and instead it just comes off as another episode of “Smack lincoln around because tha’ts funny right” and wastes good opprotunity. It’s not all terrible, the canada jokes worked becuase they felt like they were in good fun and more a loving jab at canada instead of just using stereotypes for sterotypes sake, and given the loud sisters started as basic character achtypes it fits the shows tone. So canada part good the rest a huge disapointment. Also before we move onto Lori: Lynn.. was utterly terrible this episode. The girl one, obviously. Lynn Sr is usually a delight. Yeahhh while I don’t hate her like some do, I do find her to be REALLY hit and miss: she’s either an enjoyable additon to the episode, an intresting lead.. or an obnoxious nightmare who makes everyone around her suffer and is used for gross out gags.. which if nothing else it’s good their using a girl for it but it dosen’t make it actually funny? And here she’s Hall Monitor and a giant terror to everyone INCLUDING THE PRINCIPAL and it feels like a waste.. other episodes have had her be lincoln’s mentor when it comes to his shift to middle school and when the time comes where that would be utterly useful... she’s instead just a jackass because they coudln’t think of something better to do with her and it’s another disapointment.  The B-Plot: Lori Loud and the Infinite Comic Set Pieces This plot was better but likely would’ve worked better in a shorter episode to me if i’m being honest, but it’s grown on me the more i’ve thought about it.. plus it has Bobby! 

I haven’t really had a chance to mention it since most Loud Houses i’ve covered are after his exit and he only really shows up in lori episodes and I haven’t covered the Casagrandes yet.. but I love this idiot. He’s sweet, charming, kind, a good boyfriend, a good big brother, and a caring individual. Sure he’s dumb as a box of hammers, but he’s a good kid and post season 1 he and lori have good chemstiry. And he was easily one of hte biggest draws to the spinoff for me which has fleshed him out nicely with his work at the Mercado, showing he is good at something. He’s just a great character and i’m glad to see him back on the mothership, even if he doesn’t do much and at most just keeps coming back to help Lori move at a moment’s notice. But it feels less like her being selfish and more like him being selfless: Sure she’s asking a lot.. but he probably gets that moving away from home and into a strage place is hard for his lady and just wants to help her be happy and settle in. Because he’s the best. 

As for why Lori keeps moving part of it is the fact that the dorms at fair way are insane comic set pieces and I am here for it. She starts out at the silent dorm, which just.. no. No on that no. Then moves to the driving range dorm which is exactly what it sounds like and is a hilarious hurricane of balls. “Sigh” Archer if you would. 

And the sand trap dorm, which just has a giant bunch of sand in the closets for some reeason.. presumibly to keep darth vader away. And yes I get it’s supposed to mimic a sandtrap but theni t should be all around like the other dorms. It’s goofy, it’s dumb.. and I can’t help but laugh at it and the fact that Fairway apparently is so intense about golf they train students via having them live on certain hazards like this was an anime... and I would totally watch a spinoff about lori that was her undergoing anime golf battles. And I hate golf. Plus put bobby in there.. he can be on two shows. Make it a diffrent world but with dragon ball z golf battles. But eventually Lori comes crying home after breaking down, like any college student living away i’m told.. and that’s where the dovetail I mention comes into play. Lori overhears lincoln’s pep talk and decides to go back and face the exesntial nightmare that is her dorm life, giving her brother a sincre hug and thanking him for uknowingly helping her. It’s a really sweet moment. It’s why her plot works for me.. it has the emotinal weight that feels lacking from the main plot. It’s a bit repetitive, but frankly that’s the show’s bread and butter at this point and i’ts more a case of which repettition works better sometimes. That one moment saves the plot form being unwatchable and Lori moves into the water hazard floor of the dorms, and is finally ready. And while at first I thought the exagerated dorms lowered the punch of things.. it really dosen’t. From what i’ve heard Dorm life isn’t easy, and being away from home is even harder. My mentally anxious self would’ve broken down within days. Their just taking it up twenty notches because loud house. The real issue is lori being homesick, which I do feel could’ve been handled better, but for what hit is it’s okay. Not as good as it couldv’e been but still better than the a-plot. But it’s a nice bit of character stuff: it shows usually in control Lori out of her element and trying to adapt and hopefully we’ll see more of her this season in that context. And more of bobby, may he reign forever. Okay one more. 

The C and D plots: Leni and Lily Go to Preschool  This one won’t take long, thank god. Lily goes to preschool, the loud parents, after some empty nest.. enjoy having the house to themselves for the first time in years. They actually have TIME with no kids and just the two of them to goof off and, presumibly off screen, boink like rabbits.. granted that’s how they clearly usually do it given they have 11 kids but still. But Lily gets sent home for popping herself, and they have to teach her to go it’s eh aside from a few bits. As I said Lisa is the best part of this as Lynn Sr and Rita yank her out of school, with Lisa responding to Cheryls worries abotu her missing school with a dry “I think i’ll be fine without finger painting”. The resolution, or at least the start of it, is genuinelly clever. Turns out Lily KNOWS how to use the potty, she just dosen’t want to go to school yet, and the Loud Parents.. actually take this well, confronting her with it but gently, understanding she may not want to leave the nest and letting her stay. 

Meanwhile Leni ends up in preschool in the shuffle of not having Lori around to guide her one brain cell. Which is honestly hilarious and her outfit for the episode is fucking dope.. I honestly wish she’d wear her hair in a ponytail more often and the jacket is nice. I wish this was her new outfit.. like they could make it green so she’s not stepping on Lola wearing pink, but it’s a nice change of pace. But yeah it’s hilarious, especially since neither she nor the actual professionals notice and it has a nice bit of subtext on tumblr noted: She may be regressing, or simply enjoying little girl school because she misses her big sister and it’s easier than navigating a scary world without her best frined. To dig into it a bit myself we’ve seen in previous episodes that Lori is her rock, who she goes to when she has a problem in her solo episodes, who she relies on. Sure they fight over a closet but they depend on each other. We saw how worried Leni was about loosing her last season, and now she’s lost her and dosen’t know what to do without her. It’ll be intresting to see more of.  Or it’s because while she’s a capable young woman she’s also as dumb as a box of hammers like her future brother in law> you make the call. Eventually Leni gets sent back, and bemoans missing all the fun of preschool.. which gets Lily to go as she gets a trampoline, and the nest is finally empty.. also Leni goes back for a few more bounces. Yeah I love this kid. She’s sweet, kind, and hilariously moranic and voiced by LIliana Mumy who along with Carols is easliy part of my stable of voice actors. So yeah the family’s moving on, etc etc, and this review is finally over.  Final Thoughts: This episode was okay. It reaks of wasted potetial, but it’s a fine enough one hour, it jsut couldv’e been MORE with such a long run time and the lily and leni bits would’ve fit better in a seperate episode. It’s not TERRIBLE but it’s just an okay start to the season and a waste of good stories and good laughs in places. Still the show’s had worse, it’s just okay overall. Not TERRIBLE but it could’ve been FANTASTIC. Next week Leni deals with the lori power vaccum and Lincoln and Clyde snoop on the neighbors. Until then you can find other loud house reviews on my blog, hit me up iwth an ask for suggetsions or a dm to comission an episode you want to see me cover and until then, GO TEAM VENTURE. Play us out servo

[bobasheebaby]

125 Golden Girls Prompts

This time I have some hilarious prompts from some hilarious women. These help keep me sane, send in prompts or request a specific show. Long as hell, breaking at 15.

1 “Go to sleep, sweetheart. Pray for brains.” – Dorothy

2 “Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.” -Blanche

3 “They were all buying T-shirts, you know, the ones that say, ‘Today is the first day of the end of your life.’” — Dorothy

4 “People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass.” – Sophia

5 “Nobody ever believes me when I’m telling the truth. I guess it’s the curse of being a devastatingly beautiful woman.” – Blanche

6 “No! No, I will not have a nice day!” -Dorothy

7 “Excuse me NAME, have I given any indication at all that I care?” – Sophia

8 “No one in my family has ever seen a psychiatrist ... except of course, when they were institutionalized!” – Blanche

9 “Isn’t it amazing how I can feel so bad, and still look so good?” -Blanche

10 “Condoms, NAME! Condoms, condoms, condoms!” – Dorothy

11 “It’s like life is a giant weenie roast, and I’m the biggest weenie!” – Rose

12 “He’s/She’s really a very sweet man/woman. He/She just doesn’t like to show it.” — Dorothy

13 “I eat raw cookie dough. And occasionally, I run through the sprinklers and don’t wear a bathing cap. And at Christmas, I’ve been known to put away more than one eggnog.” – Rose

14 “I could get herpes listening to this story!” – Dorothy

15 “I’ve been having a good time, and there wasn’t even a man/woman in the room.” -Blanche

16 “Why don’t I just wear a sign, ‘too ugly to live’?” – Dorothy

17 “I though I was gonna die. I swear I have never felt such agony. I saw my entire life flash before my eyes and I thought, ‘What a shame if I die now, I’m too young…and I’m wearing the wrong underwear.’” — Blanche

18 “You’ll have to excuse NAME. HE/She suffered a slight stroke a few years ago which rendered him/her totally annoying.” – Dorothy

19 “Eat dirt and die, trash.” – Blanche

20 “[to NAME] You’re a furry little gnome and we feed you too much.” – Dorothy

21 When I was a child, I used to get overexcited and pet the cat too much.” – Rose

22 “I feel that you have backed me into a corner, and when I am backed into a corner, I come out fightin’ like a wildcat. Unless I’ve had too much to drink, in which case I slide down the wall and make mad passionate love on the carpet.” – Blanche

23 “NAME, you’re one chromosome away from being a potato.” – Dorothy

24 “If this sauce was a person, I’d get naked and make love to it.” – Sophia

25 “I hate to admit it but he/she melts my Haagen-Dazs.” – Rose

26 “Want a glass of water to wash down your foot?” – Sophia

27 “Like I’m the only person who ever mixed a margarita in a sailor’s mouth?” – Blanche

28 “I feel like crawling under the covers and eating a box of Velveeta.” – Rose

29 “When I say jump, you say ‘on who?'” – Blanche

30 “I’m jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo.” – Blanche

31 “How come whenever my ship comes in it’s leaking?” – Dorothy

32 “Tell me the truth: do these glasses make me look stupid?” – Rose

33 “If I had that money I could have moved into a swinging condo instead of living with—I better not say anything until I’ve had my coffee [sips coffee]—a slut and a moron!” – Dorothy

34 “Go hug a landmine!” – Dorothy

35 “Fasten your seatbelt, slut puppy. This ain’t gonna be no cakewalk!” – Sophia

36 “NAME? Hubba hubba zing zing, baby, he’s /she’s got everything.” – Rose

37 “I could vomit just looking at you!” – Dorothy

38 “There is a fine line between having a good time and being a wanton slut. I know. My toe has been on that line.” – Blanche

39 “It’s like you people don’t pay any attention to me whatsoever.” – Rose

40 “Why do blessings wear disguises? If I were a blessing, I’d run around naked.” – Sophia

41 “I hate Jell-O. If God wanted peaches suspended in midair, he would have filled them with helium.” – Sophia

42 “Oh, don’t give up, NAME. If the ancient Egyptians could move 20-ton stone blocks to build the pyramids, we can move a toilet.” – Rose

43 “NAME, honey… have you been washing the fruit off before you eat it?” – Dorothy

44 “Tell me, is it possible to love two men/women/people at the same time.” “Set the scene, have we been drinking?” — Rose & Blanche

45 “NAME, what are you listening to?” “A relaxation tape. The rain is supposed to relax me.” “Is it working?” “Not really. I keep worrying that I left my car windows down.” — Dorothy & Rose

46 “NAME, I have a feeling you’re lying.” “NAME, be positive.” “Okay, I’m positive you’re lying.” — Dorothy & Rose

47 “You are undoubtedly the meanest, sickest person I’ve ever met! Not to mention the most unattractive.” — Blanche

48 “Where are you going?” “To either get ice cream or commit a felony. I’ll decide in the car.” — Rose & Dorothy

49 “Let me tell you a story. Picture it, PLACE …” —Sophia

50 “NAME, wake up. My husband/wife/partner will be home any minute.” — Dorothy

51 “I’m NAME and I know it isn’t pertinent at the moment, but I’m double jointed.” — Blanche

52 “He’s/She's really a very sweet man/woman. He/She just doesn't like to show it.” — Dorothy

53 “You know, sometimes when people are under pressure, they sleep to escape.” — Rose

54 “Have you noticed that NAME has been acting peculiar?” “Yes, NAME, from the first day that I met him/her!” — Blanche & Dorothy

55 “Oh, NAME, how do you feel about performing in front of a video camera?” “I think it's okay as long as you've already had at least three dates.” — Rose & Blanche

56 “I never grew a beard!” “You never grew brains, either!” — Rose & Sophia

57 “It wasn't a rat! It was a cute little mouse.” “NAME, it doesn't wear white gloves and work at Disneyland! We're talking about a rodent!” — Rose & Dorothy

58 “My whole life is an open book.” “Your whole life is an open shirt/blouse!” — Blanche & Sophia

59 “Oh, you don't have to worry about me, honey. I never get sick. I take very good care of myself. I treat my body like a temple.” “Yeah, open to everyone, day or night.” — Blanche & Sophia

60 “Oh, NAME. Can I make a little suggestion when you go for your makeover?” “Sure. What is it?” “Don't expect a miracle.” — Sophia & Dorothy

61 “Why am I even discussing this with you?” “Beats the hell out of me!” — Dorothy & Sophia

62 “Well, what do you know? NAME has a past!” “That's right! But unlike yours, I didn't need penicillin to get through it.” — Blanche & Sophia

63 “I'm going to have to meet men/women lying down.” “I thought you did.” — Blanche & Sophia

64 “Here we are in the middle of a crisis and there’s no cheesecake.” — Blanche

65 “Can I ask a dumb question?” “Better than anyone I know.” — Rose & Dorothy

66 “NAME, ‘disdam’ is not a word. You made it up.” “It’s a word.” “Fine. Use it in a sentence.” “You’re no good at disdam game.” — Dorothy & Sophia

67 “He’s/She’s undressing me with his/her eyes.” “Do you wanna move tables?” “Not yet, he’s/she’s only half done.” — Blanche & Rose

68 “You know, there is nothing worse than being wide awake and scared and by yourself!” “Oh yea there is: being wide awake and scared and by yourself without a double-fudge chocolate cheesecake in the freezer.” — Dorothy & Rose

69 “You know what would go so good on this cheesecake is those chocolate sprinkles.” “We finished those an hour ago.” “We could crush some Oreos on top.” “We ran out of those two hours ago.” “How about some whipped cream?” “Mmm!” — Dorothy & Rose

70 “You bought a chocolate cheesecake?” “Just for an emergency.” — Dorothy & Rose

71 “I just need some cucumbers to put on my eyes. It’s very good. It reduces puffiness.” “Does it work on thighs?” — Blanche & Rose

72 “I have a date.” “With a man/woman?” “No, NAME. With a Venus fly trap.” — Dorothy & Blanche

73 “Do you know what your trouble is?” “Of course not.” — Dorothy & Blanche

74 “I think there’s a connection between your brain and wallpaper paste.” — Sophia

75 ““Forgive me, NAME, but I haven’t had sex in AMOUNT OF TIME and it’s starting to get on my nerves.” – Sophia

76 “Do you know what I hate doing most after a big party?” “Trying to find your underwear in the big pile?” — Blanche & Rose

77 “I've never been so humiliated in my life.” “What about the time you lost the key to your handcuffs and had to go with that guy/girl on his/her mail route?” — Blanche & Dorothy

78 “You are not gonna believe this. NAME, just called me.” “I didn't think the two of you were speaking.” “Well, we're not.” “Then how'd you know it was him/her on the other end of the line?” “NAME, you're bringing down the curve for the whole country.” — Blanche, Dorothy & Rose

79 “Oh, my goodness. Look what I found. Double-fudge cookies. I thought we agreed not to keep cookies in the house.” “Right, after this last box.” “You're not going to eat them, are you?” “No, NAME. We're going to go to some dumb country and try to use them as money.” — Rose, Blanche & Dorothy

80 “I can't believe you said that! Oh, if I weren't a lady I'd deck you.” “You try and I'll have you on your back so fast you'll think you're out on a date.” — Blanche & Dorothy

81 [NAME running after a dog] “Ha! Would you look at that: man's best friend, chasing man's best friend!” — Dorothy

82 “I won't stand for this!“[gets up and starts to walk out] “Take it, NAME!” “But I bet you'll lie down for it.” — Blanche, Sophia & Dorothy

83 “NAME, you should make us eat dirt, make us grovel, give us the silent treatment...” “NAME, if you give us the silent treatment, I will eat dirt.” — Rose & Dorothy

84 “Cooking, NAME?” “No, NAME, I'm developing pictures for the Magellan Space Program.” — Rose & Dorothy

85 “Do we have any orange juice left?” [person two pours the rest in their glass] “No, we’re all out.” — Rose & Dorothy

86 “Go hug a landmine.” — Dorothy

87 “Now, what’s wrong?” “I lost it, NAME!” “You never had it, NAME.” — Dorothy & Stanley

88 “You knew I wanted to spend tonight alone.” — Rose

89 “Darn it. I gotta kiss somebody at midnight.” — Blanche

90 “Pizza, dammit! Get pizza!” — Dorothy

91 “What the hell goes on at night in this house?!” — Dorothy

92 “Just drives you nuts, doesn’t it, NAME?” — Rose

93 “Can you believe that backstabbing slut?” — Rose

94 “I’m here if you wanna pick my brain.” “NAME, I think we should leave it alone and let it heal.” — Rose & Dorothy

95 “And the world heaves a collective sigh of relief.” — Sophia

96 "Must you always be so cheerful, you empty headed Mary Poppins knockoff?'—Blanche

97 "What? Are you out of what is left of your mind?!"—Blanche

98 “All I do is listen to your sexual problems. How about my sexual problems?” — Sophia

99 “Blow it out your ditty bag.” — Sophia

100 “Your heart's in the right place, but I don't know where the hell your brain is." — Sophia

101 “Think about it. You live alone. No one likes you." — Sophia

102 “You're moving. Too bad. This would be touching if I liked you more." — Sophia

103 “Go ahead. Stand up and say it. My name is NAME, and I am an idiot." — Sophia

104 “You're here because the rhythm method was very popular in the [insert decade of birth]." — Sophia

105 “Get to the part where they steal the brain out of the dead body and sew it into your head." — Sophia

106 "Exactly how close to the television are you sitting when you're watching TV SHOW.” — Sophia

107 “Boom! You've got a social life." — Sophia

108 “You drink out of a brown paper bag and suddenly everybody’s your friend.” — Sophia

109 “Remember NAME, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” “I think I crossed that line when I got a date!” — Dorothy & Sophia

110 “If you can’t count on family, who the hell can you count on?” — Sophia

111 “In this life, that’s all we have, is hope.” — Sophia

112 “Here’s a newsflash, witches can fly.” — Sophia

113 “It’s great bringing two idiots closer together.” — Sophia

114 “NAME, a man/woman called for you while you were out.” “Finally, now we can break out that bottle of champagne we’ve been saving.” — Rose & Sophia

115 “Gee, with only three hours sleep, I can be just as bitchy as you.” — Rose

116 “Gee, Sophia! You’re awfully cranky today.” — Rose

117 “The doctor says it’s the first time he’s ever been called because a baby was sleeping in the day. And then I think he called me an idiot.” — Rose

118 [astonished]  “You paying for something?” “What are you saying, I'm cheap?” “Well, of course he’s/she's saying you're cheap. You're the only man I know who owns a time-share dog!” — Rose, Stanley & Dorothy

119 “Hey, what is this? You're talking about me like I'm an animal. [sniffing NAME] You've been with a man, haven't you?” — Sophia

120 “I do love the rain so. It reminds me of my first kiss.” “Ah, your first kiss was in the rain?” “No, it was in the shower.” — Blanche & Dorothy

121 “You know, I've been thinking ...” “Oh, that would explain the beads of sweat.” — Rose & Blanche

122 “God, I hate morning people.” — Blanche

123 “He’s/She’s a lewd, horny, oversexed beast with five hands.” “You don’t have to build him/her up to me, honey. I like him/her just fine already.” — Rose & Blanche

124 “You ... you ... you rude person!” “Go easy on him/her, NAME.” — Rose & Dorothy

125 “This would be touching if I liked you more.” — Sophia

[jeontaeh]

ELEVEN¹¹

"Namjoon, I'm telling you- he threatened me and had a deeper voice than Taehyung- h-he's fucking evil! He's using us!"

"Jungkook he is a dog- no, a puppy. So shut it, and help the others." Namjoon said, as the boys piled on another box of resources onto the ship.

"Thank you so much for the food, Yeontannie. How could we repay you?" Jimin asked cutely, and Yeontan licked at his hand, making Jimin giggle.

"God, you're so cute!" Jimin said, and Yeontan barked cutely, put his paw on Jimin's hand, and then rushed off.

"There he goes. Look at his little feets." Jimin cooed, and Yoongi sighed, walking up to him. "Man, I love dogs."

Yeontan rushed back with a rolled up paper in his mouth, and rushed up to Taehyung and nudged his foot. Taehyung grabbed the paper and looked at it.

"It's a map.. a map to the planet Sunreese. What's there, Tannie?" Taehyung asked, and Yeontan pointed at Taehyung with his paw. Taehyung frowned. "Me? Humans, are there humans?"

Yeontan nodded his fluffy little head, and Taehyung looked at the others. "Guys, I think we should go here. We could get a guide to get us back to Earth," Taehyung said, and Namjoon rushed up to him, and grabbed the map.

"Hmm.. map's a little vague, but we can do it! I mean, if there's even the slightest chance of human existence here.." Namjoon said, and Taehyung nodded.

"Great! Wow, thanks a lot Yeontan! We'll miss you," Taehyung said, petting him with his big hand. Yeontan wagged his tail happily,and Taehyung waved at him and then walked off.

Jungkook watched the scene, and was about to follow the boys onto the ship, when Yeontan walked up to him. "Listen, fat."

"Please stop calling me names." Jungkook snapped, and Yeontan bit his ankle, and Jungkook groaned, because damn that tiny thing could bite.

Jungkook kneeled down, glaring. "What do you want?!"

"I told you what I want! Me, on that ship, along with y'all annoying asses. I need to get me to Sunreese." Yeontan snapped, and Jungkook sneered at the tiny dog.

"You think they'll let me bring a random dog along with me? Listen up, dog. I don't know if you get it- but we're kinda stuck in the middle of nowhere with no supplies, so-"

"Bitch did I ask?" Yeontan scoffed, and Jungkook pursed his lips, looking away.

"Jungkook, come on! We need to go." Hoseok called from the ship, and Jungkook put his hand up, signalling that he was coming.

"Okay, listen, just act cute, okay? I'll sneak you onto the ship." Jungkook mumbled, and Yeontan rolled his eyes.

"Bitch I'm always cute."

"Stop calling me a bitch!"

"Whore."

"Yeontan!" Jungkook snapped, and Hoseok frowned, looking back from the ship entrance. "Jungkook stop talking to the dog and get up here, jeez." Hoseok said, and then walked back in.

"Fuck you." Jungkook whispered, and then picked the dog up, and walked up the flight of stairs to the ship. Yeontan started biting at Jungkook's hand really hard, making him ow.

Once they got in, Jungkook dropped Yeontan on the floor kinda harsh, and Yeontan jumped up and bit Jungkook's leg, making Jungkook yelp.

"Kook, you okay?" Taehyung asked from the control center, as the ship doors closed. Jungkook walked to the control center, letting out a sigh.

"Hey guys." Jungkook said, and the boys were all looking out the window, too busy trying to get the ship to fly and get out of the planet. Once it started hovering, Jungkook cleared his throat.

"Oh golly would you look at that- Yeontan's on board." Jungkook said in a monotone voice, and all the boys snapped their heads to Jungkook.

"Yeontan! Jungkook, what's wrong with you? Why would you get this puppy on this ship? It's not safe for him!" Jin snapped, and Jungkook huffed.

Taehyung walked up to the dog, and picked him up, holding him in his arms. "Jungkook are you fucking serious? How did you not see him coming onto the ship with you??"

"Yeah, Cherry. You're acting weird today, snap out of it." Yoongi said, and Jungkook frowned to himself.

Taehyung turned around, and Yeontan looked at Jungkook and mouthed Whore, and Jungkook pouted. "Yeontan forced me."

Taehyung looked at him. "This tiny little thing forced you??"

"Yes!"

Taehyung sighed. "Cherry.."

"Taehyung, listen to me. Are you really trusting this stupid little creature over me, your bestest friend?" Jungkook snapped.

"Bestest friend? I don't even know you," Taehyung scoffed, and Namjoon sighed, and Jungkook saw that they were in space now. He didn't even realise.

"We might as well just keep the dog here, guys. We can't go back. We only have enough fuel to get to Sunreese. Hopefully there we can refuel." Namjoon said, and Taehyung let the dog down, and Yeontan rushed around the control room with his tiny dog legs.

"Y'know, Jungkook, you've already caused us enough problems as it is. Keeping a dog on here isn't exactly easy. So you go and put him in your room." Namjoon said, and Jungkook frowned.

"My room??"

"Yeah, he needs someplace to stay. He's not exactly a normal dog, Kook, we need to give him a proper place to stay." Namjoon explained, and Jungkook's mouth fell, eyes  growing wide.

"W-why my room? Where will I sleep? He's a stupid dog, can't he just sleep in the control room or something?" Jungkook said, and Yeontan growled at him.

Jungkook growled back, and Jimin furrowed his eyebrows. "Bro.. did you just growl at this dog?"

"Jungkook's lost it."

"No I haven't! Shut up! Fine, whatever. The stupid mutt can get my fucking room. I'll sleep on the fucking floor." Jungkook snapped, and then grabbed Yeontan roughly, and walked out the control room.

"You fucking bitch, I hate you!" Jungkook snapped, and Yeontan bit his hand.

"You- ugh- stop that!" Jungkook said, and then dropped the dog on the floor with a thud. Yeontan fell, and then got up on his feet, and leaned down a little, eyes going red, teeth coming out.

Jungkook's eyes widened. "Oh shit.." Jungkook mumbled, because Yeontan pounced.

The tiny dog began running after Jungkook, and Jungkook screamed and started running away. Yeontan was fucking fact with his tiny ass legs, and Jungkook kept running, afraid.

"Stop! Please" I'm sorry!" Jungkook cried, and then ran into the control room, Yeontan running after him.

Jungkook felt the dog jump up and bite into his romper, and Jungkook tried shaking him off, but he wouldn't budge. "Help! Help me!"

"Jesus Christ, Jungkook. What's wrong with you? How do you get a puppy to get this angry at you?" Hoseok snapped, and Taehyung walked over to him, pulling the dog off and holding him.

"B-because he's mean!" Jungkook said, and the boys rolled their eyes again and turned away, ignoring him.

Taehyung sighed. "C'mon, I'll go drop him at your room. What, you scared of dogs or something?" Taehyung asked Jungkook, who scoffed.

"Me? Scared of dogs? Please, Tae. I'm big and strong and manly, I'm not-" Jungkook started, but Yeontan growled at him again, so Jungkook jumped a little.

Taehyung laughed, and then pet Yeotan's fluffy hair while walking towards his room. Jungkook followed behind, and Taehyung walked into Jungkook's room, and then let the dog onto the floor.

Yeontan rushed to Jungkook's bed and jumped onto it, and then got himself all comfortable on the bed. "Aw, so cute." Taehyung said, and then turned to Jungkook, who was glaring at Yeontan.

"Dude, he's just a dog."

"Devil dog!"

"You need to calm down." Taehyung chuckled, and then placed his hand on Jungkook's waist. "Seriously, you're really tense." Taehyung said lowly, and Jungkook gulped.

"M'not- t-tense." Jungkook said, and felt Tehyung's hand brushing down his waist, down his thigh, back up his thigh.

"Hm. Gotta say, Cherry. Last night was fun." Taehyung said with a small smirk, and Jungkook bit his lip. "Especially with you. Like when you get all pretty and submissive, it suits you."

"Taehyung shut up." Jungkook said, glancing to the side. "Not in front of the dog."

Taehyung rose his eyebrow. "The.. dog?"

Jungkook nodded.

Taehyung looked at Yeontan, who was sleeping soundly, and then back at Jungkook. Taehyung stepped back.

"Right.. the dog. That's why." Taehyung said, and then sighed. "Cool. I'll see you later, dude." Taehyung said, giving Jungkook a hard manly slap on the back and then walked out.

Taehyung left, and Jungkook's shoulders dropped. Jungkook looked at Yeontan, who opened his eyes, clearly never slept.

"Y'all bone?"

Jungkook sighed. "Yeah. Sometimes. Twice, actually." Jungkook said, and Yeontan sat up.

"I like the silver dude. I could sleep on his hand, damn." Yeontan said, and Jungkook walked up to him, sitting down beside him.

"I kinda like him too. Not in a gay way, obviously. M'not gay. Like 3% bisexual. I think. I wouldn't get with gays- Taehyung's just.. different, I guess." Jungkook said, looking a little confused at his own words.

"I get it. It's like.. when you've never tried pork before. You only eat chicken. And when you try pork, it's like, damn. This shit slaps." Yeontan said, and Jungkook nodded, looking at him.

"Yeah, kind of. I mean, we're just hooking up because we're both horny.. Plus, we've only hooked up twice. So there's not much there anyways. On top of that, he's always flirting with Jimin, so I think Tae might like him-"

"Whom'st?"

"Pink haired short dude." Jungkook explained. "Whatever- why am I talking to you about this anyway? Sorry." Jungkook said, getting up.

"Nah, it's chill. I feel kinda bad, y'know. Your friends don't believe you an' shit. I know how that feels. Hurts like a buttcheek on a stick." Yeontan said.

Jungkook sighed. "I'm scared they're getting pissed at me and don't really like me. They always call me dumb." Jungkook said in a small voice.

"Uh, that's 'cause you are."

Jungkook looked away. "I know.. but not knowing stuff and- and being a careless guy, that's always what people liked me for!"

"Maybe you surrounded yourself around people who only like you for your outer qualities, and not who you truly are like inside. Perhaps this has forced you to believe those outer qualities which might be false to your true persona is how you should act." Yeontan said, and Jungkook looked at him with widened eyes.

"W-wow.. Yeontan... you're right. Damn.." Jungkook said, and Yeontan cleared his throat.

"Uhh.. I mean.. fuck bitches get money." Yeontan said, and Jungkook giggled, petting the small dog.

"You're actually nice, Tannie. We'll help you out. Let's not be mean to each other anymore, okay? Let's try to patch things up, because I don't want others thinking-"

"Jungkook are you talking to the dog?" A voice came, and Jungkook looked up and saw Taehyung. Jungkook blushed.

"...Yes." Jungkook mumbled, and Taehyung snickered. "Lemme guess, he talked back?"

Jungkook shyly looked down, petting Yeontan. "Yup." Jungkook said, seeing Yeontan doze into sleep.

"Nice. Now c'mon, come back to the control room. Help out." Taehyung said, and Jungkook got up, walking over to Taehyung.

"Yeah.." Jungkook said, and then grabbed Taehyung's hand and dragged him into his washroom. Taehyung stumbled behind him, and they both entered, and Jungkook closed the washroom door quickly.

"Jungkook, what're you-"

Jungkook just smiled shyly, brushing his hand up Taehyung's thigh. "Last night was fun, Tae. Especially when I fingered you-"

"Nah. It was more fun when you came from me touching your nipple."

"Shut up! I'm sensitive." Jungkook snapped, and then looked at him eagerly. "Now.. tell me something. We're both kinda.. horny.. and stuck on this ship. Let's say we.. start messing around a bit?"

Taehyung smirked. "Messing around?"

Jungkook blushed. "Y'know.. handjobs. Blowjobs. The sorts."

"No fucking?" Taehyung asked, and Jungkook sighed. "No, Taehyung. Because you won't admit to yourself that I'm a top."

"No Kookie, you won't admit to yourself that you're a bottom."

"Ugh- you're so annoying-"

"You're more annoying you stuck up brat-"

"Okay! See, this is why we can't have proper sex! Because we'll start fighting. And since neither of us want to bottom, let's just keep things simple. Deal?" Jungkook said, and Taehyung sighed.

"But I had plans on getting sucked off by Jimin tonight.." Taehyung mumbled, and Jungkook frowned.

He felt thins tiny pang in his stomach, something he'd never really felt before. Confusion, maybe? Jealousy? He's not sure, so he just stepped back, nodding quickly.

"Oh.. um. Sorry- I-I-" Jungkook stammered, and Taehyung laughed.

"I'm kidding, you dumbass! Jimin doesn't want a relationship, I think. Either way, I'm messing with you. Now fine, deal." Taehyung said, and Jungkook sighed, and grinned in relief.

"But tell me- if the time is right, will you let me fuck you?" Taehyung asked, and Jungkook booped his nose.

"The only top you'll be is when you'll be riding me, Tae." Jungkook smirked, and Taehyung reached his hand down, giving Jungkook's ass a little pat.

Jungkook's pretty red-pink hair was falling on his eyes, and Taehyung bit his lip, and then leaned forward. "You should really learn to shut your mouth, Cherry." Taehyung whispered, and then leaned in and pressed their lips together.

Jungkook gasped into his mouth, and then gripped onto Taehyung's sides, kissing him back softly. Taehyung took this acceptance as an opportunity to kiss him harder, both moving, Jungkook getting pressed against the wall.

Jungkook moved his hands up, gripping Taehyung's shirt and pressing his tongue inin. Taehyung hummed wilfully, letting Jungkook dominate the kiss which his hands squeezed Jungkook's ass.

After a few more seconds, Jungkook pulled away, blinking his lashes at Taehyung. His heart was beating rather fast for some reason.

Taehyung's cheeks were blue, silver eyes looking illusory like always. Jungkook's own cheeks were pink, and he felt almost inferior to Taehyung? With how handsome Taehyung was, and here Jungkook was with his stupid overtly red hair and slightly chubby cheeks which were pink like any other dumb human's.

"You're so pretty, Kookie." Taehyung whispered, pinching Jungkook's cheek, making the boy blush further.

"I-I'm not pretty," Jungkook let out in a small voice, and Taehyung smiled. "You're pretty. M'not." Jungkook insisted, and Taehyung laughed airily, rubbing the pad of his thumb over Jungkook's bottom lip.

"Hm. We're being really gay." Taehyung said, and Jungkook nodded his head, laughing a little when Taehyung did as well.

"You're being really gay, Tae. I'm straight-"

"Don't you dare fucking say it, Cherry." Taehyung snapped in fake anger, and Jungkook inhaled sharply.

"-straight up kinda attracted to men," Jungkook said, smirking cheekily at Taehyung, who rolled his eyes.

"Right. I might be fully bisexual, Kookie, but at least I didn't turn bisexual after seeing someone's dick." Taehyung said, and Jungkook's jaw fell when Taehyung moonwalked out of the washroom.

"Bitch." Jungkook grumbled under his breath, but couldn't help a warm glow arise to his cheeks.

✫  ✬  ✭  ✬  ✫

https://jeontaeh.tumblr.com/post/647227521662844928/twelve%C2%B9%C2%B2

[mandadoration]

hound - vii.

summary: You head to Canto Bight to gather more information about a bounty of yours when you’re ambushed and drugged. Your relationship with Mando is ever confusing.  

word count: 3, 200

pairing: mandalorian x mandalorian!reader

Warnings: non-consensual drug use, swearing, sexually suggestive content, canon-typical violence

a/n: I know I said I wouldn’t update this until next week... But are you complaining? If you follow this story on AO3, you will see that I predict that there will be 14 chapters total!

chapters: i | ii | iii | iv | v | vi | vii  

Read this on AO3

You vaguely remember Mando saying that Canto Bight was nice this time of year, back when you were bleeding all over the floor of the Razor Crest and half delirious. As you fly in, the bright lights of the city almost make your head hurt. You’ve been here once a long time ago, you remember, for an emergency landing that had cost you an arm and a leg just so that you could leave your rented ship overnight. 

It’s a bit of a rough landing about a mile or so away from the city, landing somewhere in an unlit, grassy area, scaring some fathiers away. You head to the back to suit up, Mando trailing after you. 

“We’re looking for someone by the name of Desdre,” he informs. “He was a part of the same intergalactic gang as the bounty. He says he’ll tell us where Jahjon is in exchange for our word that we won’t turn him in.” You tilt your head. It seems suspicious that he was willing to give such precious information in return for safety. There’s no doubt the same thought has crossed his mind. 

“Will we?” you ask. Mando scoffs and slings his rifle over his shoulder and tucks ammo away. 

“We’ll see,” he says curtly, and leaves the ship. You tuck in a few more medshots into your vambrace and check the fuel for your flamethrower and follow him like a shadow. 

--

You don’t feel underdressed, exactly, but in the glitz and glamour of the glitter and expensive fabrics, you and Mando stick out like a sore thumb with your scratched up beskar and arsenal. If Mando is affected by the stares and whispers that follow you, he doesn’t show it. He goes through the alleyways and backstreets of Canto Bight, past the drugged-out spice users and teens using deathsticks, past the couples and trios and straight up orgies on the streets. You’re not quite sure where he’s going, but you stick close to him, warily watching the rooftops. Eventually, he stops at an ornate wooden door, and knocks three times. 

“Who is it?” a singsongy voice calls out. The door swings open to reveal a very scantily dressed man, gold paint rimming his dark eyes, face flushed from drinking and eyes red from spice. He pushes his curly hair up and out of his face, the bangles on his wrist jingling, eyeing you and Mando up and down hungrily. “Oh hello there,” he purrs, and practically lounges against the doorframe. “Mandalorians? What brings you here to my humble abode?” You shift your eyes away from his searching gaze to look beyond him and into the room. Moans and giggles drift into the open air. Did Mando just bring you to drug den?

“We’re looking for Desdre,” Mando answers. “Urgent business.” The man raises a carefully plucked eyebrow and squints his eyes. 

“Like what?” he questions. There are hickies and bruises lining his throat.

“None of your business, that’s for sure,” Mando says, and you think that the man is about to refuse you entry, but his face breaks into a charming smile and motions for you two to come in. 

“Be my guest,” he drawls. He doesn’t move from his position, and forces you and Mando to brush past him, and you grit your teeth as you feel hands feel you up. Judging by the sudden tense shoulders, the same has happened to Mando. The man’s voice leans in close and you do your best to try not flinch from the sudden wave of perfume and musk. His grip on your wrist is hot. “If you and your friend ever decide to come back, not on business, just ask for Pretre, hm?” he whispers, voice low and wanton. You quickly pull yourself away from him, ignoring how he laughs, and follow Mando to the back. “I’ve always wanted to fuck a Mando!” his voice calls out after you. 

The further back into the room you go, the less clothes there are, and the more blissed out the people look. Eventually, you come to an area of the room blocked off by velveteen curtains. You push through it, and wince.

You didn’t think that people wore those gold metal bikinis willingly. 

Still, it’s better than nothing, and your gaze settles on a man, sitting in the center of the pile of blankets and soft pillows, covered by a thin robe, pulling his face from the neck of an attractive Twi’lek whose hands are tangled in his dark hair, and grinning when he sees you and Mando. A few men and women peel themselves off of the floor to prowl around you. It’s hazy in here from smoke and stifling from all the bodies. The lights from outside are barely trickling in, heavy curtains on every window, and your eyes strain to adjust.

“Desdre,” Mando says. You scowl under your helmet as you grab the wrist of someone who was feeling up your leg. 

“Mando!” Desdre crows. He flourishes his arm out. “Come sit! You and your friend- please, relax.” Neither of you move, and Desdre at least has the decency to look a little sheepish. “Well, can I offer you something to drink? Some spice? Or a girl?” he offers, waggling his eyebrows. 

“We’re not here to waste time,” Mando says. Desdre sighs and gets up, soothing the girls that whine and ruffling the hair of a boy that kisses his calf as he moves to stand in front of you and Mando, pipe dangling in his fingers.

“Always business, Mando, and no play,” he complains in a lilting accent. “Who’s your friend?” He trails a finger up your armor before tapping it a couple of times. “Another Mandalorian?” He takes a deep drag from his pipe and blows sickly sweet smoke in your face. Although your helmet filters out most of it, the smell still makes your head ring. 

“Yes.”

“Hm, interesting,” he hums. He stares intensely at you. 

“Jahjon. You said know where he is?” Mando asks. Desdre nods, and goes back to join his harem, leaning back languidly as they crawl over him again. He teasingly smacks the rear of someone you can’t quite see.

“I do, my friend,” he says. “But remember what I asked for? My safety guaranteed for information.” At that, more people slip in the room past the dividing curtains. You count in your head. There’s seven people in here now, all looking at you like you’re their next meal. 

“You have our word,” Mando says, but Desdre clicks his tongue and shakes his head. 

“I need to hear it from both of you,” he orders, his piercing gaze looking straight at you. You clench your jaw, and you want to smack the smug grin from his face. “I’ve heard about you, you know? The Dog? Loyal to your master and hunting together. I’ve heard you’re ruthless in the field.” All the heads in the room have turned to look at you in unison, and you would’ve found it unsettling if there wasn’t a cold weight settling in your stomach. “Especially how that poor Gran came back in pieces, body mangled like he’d been bashed in.” He’s playing you, you know it, and you shouldn’t let it affect you, but your temper is uncharacteristically short. “Your bite really is worse than your bark, huh? I wonder what you’re like in bed. If you fuck as brutally as you kill.”

“We don’t have time for this,” Mando finally says frustratedly. He steps forward. “If you won’t help us--”

“You have my word,” you grit out, interrupting Mando. You hate this. You hate how you’ve become notorious and people have started assuming, more bold and daring, pushing your buttons and bending you, expecting you to break. You hate that people have started twisting the facts about you to make you more vicious, more blood-thirsty and unforgiving when that’s not anywhere remotely close to the truth. You don’t know how it’s come to this. You haven’t really even done anything remotely interesting. As far as you’re concerned, you’re nobody. A Mandalore without a clan who doesn’t even know why there are people so curious about you. You think the world is against you, using your moment of weakness where your nightmares have been gnawing at you to try and knock you down, degrading you down to a feral animal. You want to prove them wrong. You’ve bled for Mando to know you're human, and you really don’t want to bleed again.

“And so she speaks,” Desdre says, looking pleasantly surprised, and Mando glances at you. “Mando finally took the muzzle off you?”

But you decide to play the part of that mangy mutt, and bare your teeth.

You don't know what it is that made you do it, what possessed you to make such a rash decision, but you pull the blaster from your holster and point it at Desdre. 

“Jahjon. Where is he?” you demand, voice low and dangerous. The people flocking on either side of Desdre scramble away. 

“Dog,” Mando hisses. “Put that down.” You ignore him and stalk closer, your blaster still carefully trained. Desdre doesn’t even look fazed. He looks at you curiously. Your heart is pounding in your ears. Something’s wrong. Your limbs feel too heavy and the room is spinning. It’s too bright in here, even in low-light. 

“Answer me,” you bark. Your grip wavers, and Desdre smiles. 

“I don’t know.” 

“What?”

Mando walks up to stand close to you and tries to pull your arm back, but you wrench it out his grip, and accidentally fire into the ceiling. 

The room descends into chaos. 

Desdre stumbles back, and his little harem get up, looking alert, drawing their own weapons, and as more people flood into the room, surrounding you, you know what this is. 

Desdre never had the intentions to tell you anything. 

And this was an ambush. 

You fire your blaster a few more times, hitting Desdre in the leg and another shot going through the chest of a half-naked humanoid that you can barely make out from your blurred vision before it’s knocked out of your hand. You lash out, your fist catching the jaw of some other poor soul, sending them flying back and taking two more down with them. Your vambrace shoots out a medshot, knocking the Twi’lek he was kissing before out, and your grappling line tangles around their ankle. Yanking on it, another harem girl stumbles over them. 

A staff knocks you over the head, increasing the ringing that’s building up in your ears. You whip around to see Mando shoot them with his own blaster, their body falling limp at your feet. He’s got blood smeared on his chestplate as he fights around the small room. It’s too cramped and too risky to use his amban rifle, but overall, most of the attackers are already dead or knocked out, too drugged up and sluggish to take down two Mandalorians. A tap on your shoulder distracts you. You turn around, fists raised, but a sharp pain twinges in your neck. It’s Pretre, and the gold paint in around his eyes sparkles as you raise a hand and pull out a syringe. Your chest feels tight as you drop it. It shatters on the ground, red liquid seeping out and soaking into the carpet. 

“I forgot that your helmet filters,” he says. Pretre’s voice sounds slow and deep as the room starts to tilt. “I was wondering why it took so long for this to happen. Luckily I had this. My brother is too incompetent. Ah, well, hindsight, you know?” A smile plays on his lips, and you wonder why you hadn’t seen the resemblance before. A wave of pleasure rides over you, but then it starts dragging you down, making your eyelids heavy.

“You… what?” you ask stupidly. Your tongue feels heavy in your mouth and fire is dancing across your skin. “What did you…?” Everything’s muffled. He puts a hand on your chest and gives the gentlest of pushes, but it topples you over as you collapse on the ground. He stands over you, a pitying smile on his face, showing the barest of white teeth. You vaguely register Mando’s voice calling out to you, but it’s cut off and there’s more blaster fire. 

“I do hope I didn’t give you too much,” Pretre sighs. He bends down and crouches next to you, running a single finger down the length of your helmet, dragging a finger across your neck, nails digging in. “Oh dear. Maybe just a smidge too much… Just ride it out, and you’ll be fine.” He hooks a finger under your helmet, and you cry out weakly, but you’re arms are too heavy and your mind is too light to stop him. Just as he finds the button to release your helmet, something catches his attention. His head snaps up and he pulls away. “Next time,” he promises, “and my offer still stands.” He leaves you on the floor, and your vision is swimming, the ceiling and tapestries on the wall swirling together as you feel sweat dripping down your neck. Whatever Pretre put in you was making you burn up and feel sickly. You hear panting next to your ear. You turn your head--

-- and there’s a strill snarling in your face. 

You reel back, away from its dripping jowls as it pads closer to you. It bays at your sudden reaction, and more hounds appear, surrounding you as you gasp in shallow breaths and scramble away, tripping over bodies and pillows in your effort to get away. They follow you, eyes red and glowing as they bare their sharp teeth at you. Their claws are tearing up the carpet underneath them. The strills come closer and closer, but your back is already up against the wall, and your blaster is too far out of your reach. The one in the front, the biggest and angriest of the pack, goes right to your face, nose touching your helmet, and you close your eyes and curl into yourself as howling echoes in your ears. 

“Dog!” 

Your head snaps up. The hounds are gone, and Mando is hovering over you. He holds out your blaster for you to take. 

“We have to go,” he says, out of breath as he looks around. “That stupid kid who met us at the door- he took Desdre and left. We have to leave before more come.” You stare at him blankly. Where had the dogs gone? When you look, the carpet in front of you is intact and whole, and there’s no slobber. You slowly reach up to take the blaster, holding it in your hand. You pull yourself up, head swiveling as the howling picks up again. 

“Did you hear that?” you choke out. You wave the blaster wildly as you spin to try and find the source. 

“Hey, calm down--” You jerk back as his hand rests on your shoulder. His voice is loud and booming in your ears. Spots dance in your vision as Mando grabs your hand and tugs you along, through the curtains, through the now-empty room, and into the alley ways of Canto Bight. The lights are bright and sends piercing pains up your head as you stumble along. 

“Mando,” you gasp out. It’s getting harder and harder to keep your feet under you. You think you hear dogs running behind you, but every glance back comes up empty. 

“What?” he grunts, pulling you into another winding backstreet. Bile rises up in your throat with each yank. 

“Mando,” you call out again. There are phantom hands against your throat and you can’t breathe. “Mando.” He finally stops and pulls you into an alcove. 

“What? What’s wrong?” he hisses, and then he takes in you heaving shoulders, your choked out pleas, and hold your head in his hands. He calls your name, your real name, soft and pleading, and that’s when it peaks. 

You faintly register how your eyes roll to the back of your head and you collapse like a puppet with its strings cut, Mando just barely managing to catch you before you can hit your head. But his hands add on to your discomfort as it feels like there are thousands upon thousands of hand pulling, tugging, and scratching you, around your throat and holding your arms and legs down. A panic swells in you and you struggle to get away and push the hands off you. It’s smothering, the suffocation in your lungs and your head making you dizzy. It feels like they’re trying to pry your helmet off, but as you go through the streets of Canto Bight, jostling in someone’s arms, you realize it feels like they’re trying to rip your head from your shoulders and tear you limb from limb.

You think you hear screaming, and as more and more things come into focus, you realize it’s you. You shoot up from your cot, gasping and Mando shushes you and calms you down. You flail around, trying to make sense of things. 

You can breath, finally, as the recycled air of the Razor Crest buzzes over you. And you realize it’s light outside. 

“How long--”

“Just a day,” Mando answers, and he sounds exhausted. You wonder if he stayed up to make sure you were okay. “What happened?”

“Drugged,” you say. “I… I don’t know what it was.”

“You were freaking out,” he starts, “horribly. You were screaming and trying to claw your own skin off, talking about dogs and strills.” He eyes you warily, taking in your hunched stance and bouncing knees. “You wanna talk about it?”

And although you know you should, that those hallucinations are fresh and feels as real as memories, the words die in your throat as you clam up. “I can’t,” you admit. “I’m sorry, it’s not that I don’t trust you, I just--” Mando abruptly stands up. 

“It’s fine,” he says, but his tone is short and you can tell he’s irritated. “I’ve located the last of the bounties. We’ll be there in a few hours.” He leaves to go back up the cockpit and you tamp down the urge to bang your head against the wall. The emotional stalemate is driving you up the wall. You can’t understand why Mando is upset you can’t confide in him when he himself is the most closed off person you’ve ever met. If anything, you’ve given him more than he has. After a moment, you go meet up with him. 

You see a red liquid shimmering in a vial in his pocket. He follows your gaze to see what you’re staring at, and he pulls it out and hands it to you. “Mnemiotic drug,” he says. “Imps used it all the time. That’s what they gave you. Modified, but the base is the same. Hallucinations, raised body temperature, heightened aggression, increased sensitivity. Brain damage in extreme cases.”

“What happened to Pretre and Desdre?” you ask him. He doesn’t need to describe the effects if you’ve lived through them. 

“They got what they deserved,” he says, and leaves it at that. 

--

Hound Tag List: @knockbeforeyouspeak​​ @gothtechie​ @killtherandomness​

[grrlinthefireplace]

Hey so I’ve been seeing you post a lot about La Casa de Papel recently. What exactly is it? It looks kinda interesting.

Thank you so much for asking!

I am delighted beyond reason to have the opportunity to tell you - and by extension the entire world - why this show has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and legitimately healed my soul after this particularly soul-crushing season of Grimdark White Man Television almost broke me as a human being.

I will attempt to keep this as spoiler-free as I possibly can, because this is a show that should be experienced in the moment, but in a nutshell, La Casa de Papel is a heist show set in present-day Madrid which follows both a found family of thieves who rob the Royal Mint of Spain, and the law enforcement officials on the outside who are chasing them.

If that is enough for you, go right to your TV or computer, fire up the ol’ Netflix, and don’t waste any more time.

If, however, you need a little more, here are the top five things I flail about to every single person in my life to convince them they need to start watching this show like immediately and then come back and tell me all about it.

For visual flair, we’ll intersperse them with some gifs of ladies, because I know my audience.

5. character driving plot > plot driving character.

You know that infuriating thing lazy TV writers do where, in order to to hurry up and get to the big explosion or battle scene or dragon attack or whatever, which is the only bit they really care about, they handwave away the whole concept of motivation and make some character do something that any halfway-attentive viewer will immediately clock that they would never actually do?

There is none of that bullshit here.

In its simplest form, the plot of La Casa de Papel is as follows: a brilliant criminal mastermind devises a heist which cannot possibly go wrong, and then we proceed to watch all the ways in which it goes wrong.

This is a fantastic setup for an action story, made even more breathlessly exciting by strategic use of my favorite heist movie plot device (as perfected by Ocean’s Eleven): namely, “scene where it looks like our crime heroes have been outsmarted and are now threatened by a completely unforeseen disaster” immediately followed by “flashback to the team prepping for the heist where we learn that of course they prepared for this exact scenario.”

But from time to time, things do actually go wrong (as they must, or else there would be no story); and, when they do, it is never because you can tell a writer just wanted to write a scene where bullets go flying, and didn’t care how he got there. These characters are so clear, their behavior so consistent, that when gasp-worthy plot twists happen, they happen because of course that character, in this exact scenario, would do that exact thing.

I’m telling you, I came to this show for a ship (more on that in a minute) and I stayed for a swooning, heart-eyes writer crush on the impeccably-designed plot structure and characterization.

4. High stakes, low gore.

Tone-wise, on a sliding scale of Heist Film Intensity where a really fluffy episode of Leverage is a 1, Reservoir Dogs is a 10, and the Ocean’s franchise is somewhere in the 3-4 range, I would place La Casa at a 5 or a 6, which is perfect for me. I love action, suspense, drama and adventure, but I hate gratuitous violence (especially when it’s pointless and masturbatory and doesn’t contribute anything to the plot) and have a very low tolerance for blood and gore. So I kept waiting for the story to eventually take a hard left turn into Tarantino Land, until eventually it was all just one huge pile of dead bodies, and was genuinely surprised when it didn’t.

This is how I learned just how badly my brain has been fucked up by lazy showrunners who think shock deaths are the only way to raise stakes. During the first season of this show, before I had figured out that it was a Flawless Gem of Television Which So Far Has Not Once Disappointed Me, there were probably a dozen moments where I was absolutely convinced that some character was about to be gruesomely killed for shock value … and I was wrong every single time.

Reader, it was fucking wild.

Every single time I was convinced that person A was going to shoot person B in the head because blah blah maximum angst over here in this part of the story and then it will motivate person C to do this other thing, the show did the hard work of finding a smarter, more unexpected direction to take that character’s story. That means that when deaths do come along - and there are a couple - they feel genuinely earned, and they matter deeply to the story and to us.

3. I would die for these women.

This show loves women. Like it truly, authentically, uncompromisingly loves women in all our fucked-up messy glorious complexity. There are no “types” or cliches here; no one is forced to be only one thing. Fuck your one-dimensional Strong Female Characters, lazy writers.

For one thing, on many shows you might be lucky if you get maybe one mom who is given a personality and a story outside of motherhood. Often, on shows written by men, the fact of her motherhood diminishes her strength or her agency. On this show, nearly every one of the central female characters is both a mom and an action hero simultaneously. Seriously. By season 3 there are four different battle moms. They’re all different, they’re not all on the same side, they have different perspectives, and their role as mother impacts the story differently, but that’s the joy of having a whole lot of different kinds of women - no one has to be everything to everyone.

These women are complicated. They laugh, they cry, they crack dirty jokes, they get laid, they have babies, they fight, they make mistakes, they fall in love, they grow. Men pull sexist shit and they shut it the fuck down. Some of them have love stories, some of them don’t, but they are never defined by or triangulated around relationships with men. They get to have relationships with each other. All of them are excellent at their jobs.

Tokyo is the kind of hot mess antihero protagonist we’ve been watching middle-aged white men play for decades.

Allison is such a realistic teenage girl it’s genuinely painful to watch.

Monica has one of the best arcs I’ve ever seen on television, this is not a drill.

Alicia is terrifying. (A pregnant black ops interrogator! ON WHAT OTHER FUCKING SHOW!?!??)

Nairobi is unlike any other character you’ve seen on TV before; she’s got a little bit of Parker from Leverage, a little bit of Raven Reyes from The 100, but she’s entirely her own creature and you will fall in love with her instantly.

And Raquel. Oh, my love, my angel, my hero, Inspector Raquel Murillo. Love of my goddamn life. A fierce, kickass hostage negotiator swimming upstream against a tide of workplace misogyny who sometimes has to make the frustrating little male-appeasing compromises we all have to make to get through the workday. A beautiful, sexy, powerful heroine over 40 whose femininity isn’t diminished based on some bullshit notion that, for example, pairing your tough-bitch suit and gun holster with red toenails and a lacy blouse detracts from your strength. A loving mom and daughter who has to juggle raising a small child and caring for an aging parent with the stress of, you know, trying to stop the biggest robbery in the history of Spain. A domestic violence survivor (TW for those who need it; nothing is ever shown onscreen, but it’s discussed several times) who is given the space to discuss the things that have happened to her and how she has worked through them with such dignity, accuracy and respect that you can tell the writers did their homework.

This is a show where you can tell there are women in the writers’ room.

2. The Professor and Raquel. I don’t want to spoil a single thing for you here except to say that I myself was lured into this show by the promise of electric sexual chemistry between a criminal mastermind and the police inspector hunting him down, and my God I was not disappointed.

1. Love.

This show came into my life at a period where I was so weary of cynicism on television - so fucking furious at showrunners who dangle hope in front of us and then crush it, who only care about building anything if they can tear it down later, who treat love and fun and joy and hope and family and happiness like they’re intellectually lesser than grimdark nihilism with no soul - that I was honestly kind of broken by it. I was just so. fucking. tired. Tired of “the way we show this heroine is strong is to kill off her love interest.” Tired of “sorry but all this rape and murder is NECESSARY because of REALISM” (particularly rich when coming from shows featuring evil A.I.’s or dragons and ice zombies). Tired of getting invested in relationships - whether ships or friends or found families - only to realize that the show I was watching was always going to sacrifice character to force plot mechanics into place, and those relationships were never going to get the kind of care and focus I wanted them to get.

But that is not this show.

The single most revolutionary thing, to me, about La Casa de Papel - the thing that sets it apart from every other rollercoaster action thrill ride on television - is that every single thread of the plot is tied to love.

Every.

Single.

One.

Love of all different shapes and sizes - parents and children, friendships, doomed crushes (straight and queer), toxic exes, blossoming romances, siblings - and over it all, a deep, deep love for humanity.

The thing I said before, about how when things go wrong they go wrong in character-driven ways? It’s this. Love is why everything on this show happens. Love is what makes children want to live up to their parents and what makes parents fight to leave a better world for their children. Love is why deaths have stakes. Love is why we spend so much screentime lingering on small moments another show might ignore, like all the thieves at heist camp sitting down every night to have dinner together and argue about paella techniques. Love is what causes chaos in the middle of the heist; when there’s one person in the room you care about more than the others, you can get distracted and take your eye off the ball. Love is how your enemies can get to you, by leveraging or blackmailing the people who matter most, knowing that you’ll crack if they’re in danger. Love, gone wrong, causes toxic men to develop possessive and controlling behavior towards women. Love is how the Professor gets the idea for the heist in the first place. The plan is flawless on paper, but it doesn’t account for the human variable, and over and over again we see that relationships and connection and sex and family and love cause people to behave in unpredictable ways and throw the whole plan into chaos, which is what makes for a dynamic and compelling story.

How refreshing to see a show simply refuse to grant the oft-repeated premise that a show cannot have both high-octane thrills, and a big soft squishy heart, at the same time.

ANYWAY, I’VE TAKEN UP ENOUGH OF YOUR VALUABLE TV-WATCHING TIME, GO JUMP ON BOARD THIS TRAIN AND COME SCREAM ABOUT IDEALISTIC SPANISH ROBIN HOODS WITH ME, AND LET THE GOOD SHIP SERQUEL INTO YOUR LIFE, YOU WON’T BE SORRY

THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK

[allnewalldifferentwildspider]

Why I Dumped...RWBY

If there’s one thing I’ve learned being in fandom is that the audience is not allowed to dictate creative changes to someone else’s work. That is not your place. The trade-off is that you don’t have to be a member of that audience. Once I learned that, I decided that if a series pissed me off one too many times, I would just straight up dump it. Adios, amigo. Go piss someone else off with your shit stories. There are a hundred other things I could be doing with my time. 

When I tell people this, they usually get defensive because sometimes the show I dumped happens to be a show they really like. Which is fine. If it works for you, great. Have fun. But we all have our tastes and personal preferences. 

Sometimes that just isn’t enough for people. They have to know why you would insult them (I’m not and neither are you) by not liking something they like. I doubt most care. Some people just want to be offended. However, there have been some people who are genuinely curious. Usually people who are neutral to whatever show I dumped. They have no dog in this fight; they just want to see my train of thought. 

So you asked for it and here it is. This is my new blog post series where I talk about why I dumped a series. Let’s see if my story and logic will help you see things from my perspective. Let me be clear, I’m not trying to convince you to change your mind. This is just the story of why I made this decision. If you like this series good for you. I don’t. It’s my opinion and I’m allowed to have one same as you.

 We’re going to start off big with RWBY.

For me, RWBY started off as one of those things I kinda heard about on the internet, but never really knew what it was. Then it was on Neftlix and I decided to check out what it actually was. It was a CGI webseries made by the same company that did Red VS Blue led by the guy who did those weird Dead Fantasy videos on YouTube. I watched the first two volumes (because they just can’t be called seasons. We have to be all special and shit) and I wasn’t sure what to think of it. I guess my brain needed time to process it. I watched it again with my brother and then I started volume three on my own. After the volume three finale, I stopped watching and just kept tabs on the show before losing interest completely. There are several reasons that just piled up together so let’s just start at the beginning.

I just don’t think the show is very good.

It was a fucking chore to watch volume one again with my brother. Like holy crap, why wasn’t the show this bad the first time I saw it? Was it going to suck this hard with every viewing? (SPOILER ALERT: The answer is yes.) A lot of the character models look really pale. The animation can be wonky or jittery. The voice acting goes from bad to passable. The pacing is wack. The story is barely told. We spend way too much time on Jaune even though we already have FOUR main characters we have to be tackling. And this is a pet peeve of mine, but they gave names to things that already have names.

semblance = super power

aura = energy

Grimm = monsters

Why won’t anyone just call super powers super powers?

Anyway, those were my initial thoughts. A recurring thought I have about RWBY is, “The idea is adequate but the execution is lacking.” Someone asked me what that meant. Really? Really? You don’t know what words mean? Google it. Your ideas are okay, but the way you’re doing them sucks.

So if I hated the show so much, why did I stick with it after volume one? I liked the characters. I fell in love with Yang. She’s all my favorite parts of female characters put together in one awesome package. A blonde busty badass babe that beats a bunch of baddies? Sign me the fuck up. (Alliteration is fun, kids.) Thanks to some really good fan art, I also started to ship Arkos, Renora, White Rose and Roman Ice Cream (or gelato or partners in crime or whatever it’s called). I wanted to see more Yang and I wanted to see if I would get a payoff after investing so much time. 

I didn’t.

The story goes all over the place. It introduces a bunch of new ideas but never sticks around to develop one. I’ve lost track of how the world works and what our goals are. They created side videos called, “The World of RWBY” that explains that shit. That’s another sign of bad writing. Supplemental material to understand what is going on in the story isn’t fun; it’s homework. More importantly, I shouldn’t have to. It should be organically in the story itself. But it wasn’t because this crew doesn’t know how to. It’s just not there.

Pyrrha’s Death

The main reason I stopped watching after the season three finale. I understand that everyone wants to do their own version of Empire Strikes Back or Avengers: Infinity War. The big battle where the good guys lose. I have several problems with this though. 

1. I agree with Linkara that the only reason you should kill a character is if you’ve ran out of stories to tell with that character. Cheap drama should not be your goal. The problem with shock value is that it only lasts for a second. 

2. You should never kill a fan favorite. That’s how you lose audiences i.e. money. You don’t sell your golden goose, and you don’t kill your cash cow.

I don’t believe that Pyrrha had ran out of stories to tell with her character. Pyrrha was killed just to further Jaune’s story arc which sucks because I barely liked Jaune. I shipped Arkos because I wanted good things for Pyrrha, and really, who doesn’t?

This unfortunately common trope is Stuffed into the Fridge, where female characters are killed for the sole purpose of a male character’s story. It doesn’t matter if Pyrrha was the best warrior in the class or had friends who could have helped her or she could have just ran away or anything really. Pyrrha, my second favorite character, was killed off to jump start Jaune’s character development. Fuck you, Rooster Teeth. And the worst part is, I heard that this was always the plan for Pyrrha. If you have to rely on a trope from 1994, you’re probably not a good writer.

I cancelled my Crunchyroll subscription, and a few people told me to get the fuck over it. 

No. My time. My money. Not interested.

Yang wasn’t ‘for me,’ apparently

This one has a little less to do with the show and more with the fandom (or FNDM, because we have to be all special here). Like I said earlier, I fell in love with Yang. She became my number one waifu instantly. She had everything I liked. Big boobs, long legs, blonde hair, fiery personality, loved to kick ass, loved martial arts, had a great zest for life. It’s like that song lyric, “You are everything I want ‘cause you’re everything I’m not.” I know it’s super embarrassing but I would fantasize about being a character in RWBY and being Yang’s boyfriend. Whenever I would work out I would say it was because I was training to be Yang’s husband. I know it’s lame, but that’s how enamored I was. 

Hell, Yang was the reason I even considered watching RWBY in the first place. I only discovered her thanks to that episode of Death Battle where she beat Tifa.

Then bumblebee happened. 

People on tumblr have this thing where they like to decide what someone else’s character’s sexuality and gender is regardless of the canon. Do whatever you want. The problem was that I am a straight, cis, heterosexual Hispanic male with a tumblr account who likes a character who mostly shipped with another female character. So whenever I try to get matchups or headcanons or imagines, I’m usually ignored. I’m a big boy. I can handle that. What does get under my skin is people going out of their way to tell me that Yang isn’t for me. Like I’m not allowed to like her. When you’ve already lived most of your life with other people telling you that the things you want were never really for you, that sorta thing kinda hits you in the wrong side of the feels. Yang is for bumblebee and bumblee shippers only. I’m over it, but still not cool.

Now I’m hearing that Rooster Teeth might make bumblebee canon to appease the fans. No artistic integrity. I guess I was wrong. The audience is allowed to dictate creative changes if you’re Rooster Teeth. It doesn’t help that Blake is my least favorite character in the series. 

I was upset when Adam cut off her arm in the end of volume three. It didn’t help that it was the same episode that Pyrrha died. Two birds with one stone and all that. I’m glad somebody made a supercut of Yang’s volume four story on YouTube. That was good to watch. It was kinda like Korra’s story in the beginning of Book Four (ugh, just call them seasons!) except with a fraction of the talent.

I haven’t watched anything beyond that, but I have heard of a few things. I’m glad Adam is dead, but that’s about it.

So that’s mostly why I dumped RWBY. Sorry if it was too much, but thanks for reading. Do I miss the show? Not really. I do miss Pyrrha, Yang, and the fan art. Will I ever go back to RWBY? Sorry but no. That’s not how that works. The damage has been done.

tl;dr version

I dumped RWBY because:

I didn’t think it was very good to begin with.

They killed my second favorite character for a shit reason.

My favorite character isn’t ‘for me’ according to everyone else.

[randomkposts]

Hello

I figured I should start with wall of quotes. Cause whynot

Quotes “It's hard to hate my prep team. They're such total idiots." - Katniss.”

“Here's some advice. Stay alive.” “The cat that Prim got hates me, I think partly because I tried to drown it.” “District 12: Where you can starve to death in safety.”“No. Now, shut up and eat your pears."

” It's lovely. If only you could frost someone to death." "Don't be so superior. You can never tell what you will find in the arena. Say it's a gigantic cake-”“Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying.”

“Technically, I am unarmed. But no one should ever underestimate the harm that fingernails can do. Especially if the target is unprepared.”

"Well, leprechauns. You know they're not real, don't you?""Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist and that I am not a gibbering moron."

"I majored in Ancient History. You have your own page in the 'Criminally Insane' section."

"Really, Butler, I must begin choosing my business associates more carefully. Hardly a day goes by when we aren't the victims of some plot.""The punching is not helping my concentration, by the way.""Oh, brilliant. I must write that one down in my witty retorts book."

"The pixie is crazy! Give me your gun, Holly. I'm going to shoot him.""Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?"

"This is a well. You might think that there is something to it... But in fact it is just an ordinary well."

Woman in Ur : Hey, where are you four brats off to now? What...? You're going to go save the world...? Did you get hit on the head or something!?

Gilgamesh : Enough expository banter. It's time we fight like men. And ladies. And ladies who dress like men. For Gilgamesh...IT IS MORPHING TIME! Galuf : Bartz! Stop that! Bartz : But it's fun! poke, poke, poke... Bartz : Jumping Christmas!

Edgar : "That's Shadow! He'd slit his mama's throat for a nickel!" Kefka : "This is sickening! You sound like chapters from a self-help booklet! Prepare yourselves!" Locke : "Hey! Call me a TREASURE HUNTER, or I'll rip your lungs out!" Edgar : "If something were to happen to me, all the world's women would grieve!" Setzer : "My life is a chip in your pile. Ante up."

Yuffie : So! I saved the great Vincent Valentine! Do I get any thanks?

Squall : Right and wrong are not what separate us and our enemies. It's our different standpoints, our perspectives that separate us. Both sides blame one another. There's no good or bad side. Just two sides holding different views. Squall : I dreamt I was a moron...

Seifer : Great, I have one chicken-wuss and one kid who just entered puberty in my team! Squall : ...Whatever.

Auron: The red carpet has teeth. Auron: Outside the dream world, life can be harsh, even cruel, but it is life.

Rikku: Memories are nice, but that's all they are.

Kimahri: Pick spot. Shut up. Wait.

Rikku: Do you think we need a password? Paine: How about 'Kick..it's..ass' Paine : The hardest person to know is one's self.

Raogrimm: People are capable of kindness beyond angels, yet we also commit sins that would put a demon to shame... Lonely Chocobo: Warkkkkk!!! Gweh!!!! Warkkkk

Naja Salaheem : (After Abquhbah faints when he realizes that he's speaking to the empress) Nothing to be concerned about, Your Magnificence. Mercenaries are trained to sleep anywhere, anytime if the opportunity presents itself.

Lightning: Worst birthday ever. Lightning: It's not a question of can or can't. There are some things in life you just do. Lightning: We live to make the impossible possible! That is our focus!

White Mage: Hi. I was just wondering if you knew how much we've suffered because of you. Good day. [after finding the Falcon Rydia : It's not yours. Edge : That's okay, it would be happy to be used by us!

...That's General Leo.. He could be my friend if he weren't my enemy.

You think a minor thing like the end of the world was gonna do me in?

"What a cute doggy!' "Leave us. The dog eats strangers...'

This should be fun. When do we leave?

Read my lips - mercy is for wimps! There's a reason "oppose" rhymes with "dispose"...If they get in your way, kill them!I don't care for the appearance of this pitiful little hamlet... So burn it!!

Figaro Guard : Kefka's "One shy of a six pack!" Imperial soldier : I oppose peace! Narshe resident : Narshe is a neutral city.! We want no war here, but that %#$@& Empire won't listen! South Figaro Resident : We may be thieves, but at least we have goals in life!

Cyan: This is the Phantom Train. It carries the departed to the other side. Sabin : Wait! I don't want to go THERE!

Strago: Go to your room! Relm : I will not! What a fussy old man! Strago : Relm! Is that you, my dear? You're alive! Relm : Idiot! Of course I'm alive! Strago : Oh, I'm so happy..." Relm : Did you think I was gonna check out before you, old man? Strago : You're as foul mouthed as ever, bless your heart!

Shadow: I know what friendship is... and family...

"It's not my problem."

"Don't fight here! You'll ruin the flowers!" "I think they believe I have what it takes to be in SOLDIER!" "Mine is special. It's good for absolutely nothing!"

Don't need no appointment... This is a 'mergency! Anyone who don't wanna get their face bashed in better git outta the way!! "I've got the wrong person."

W-wait a second. I won't run or hide. Yes, I was a spy. I was hired by the Shinra. I couldn't help it. How 'bout if we continue like nothing ever happened?

Shut up! Sit your ass down in that chair and DRINK YOUR GODDAMN TEA!

This's gonna be a big splash. Hold on to your drawers, an' don't piss in 'em!!

Maybe God'd forgive an ugly shit like you, but I won't!

I don't know what the hell it is, but it's falling from the sky. Hmpf! It's not even an omen.

Hey, do you know who I am? I'm Cid—that's who the hell I am! Now just let me handle it!

I don't want to regret not having done something later.

I always thought this planet was so huge. But lookin' at it from space, I realized it's so small. We're just floatin' in the dark. ...kinda makes you feel powerless. On top of that it's got Sephiroth festerin' inside it like a sickness. That's why I say this planet's still a kid. A little kid sick and trembling in the middle of this huge universe. Someone's gotta protect it. Ya follow me? That someone is us.

We're busy runnin' back and forth! Even my bikini goddess would be pantin' about now!

Oh, GAWD! If I knew this was gonna happen, I would've taken rope escape lessons more seriously!!

Escape from a world of illusions... Hmph... I wonder which is better.

I know you want my help because I'm so good!

Cloud, put me in your party, so I can get off this ship. Cloud...sign this. It's a contract that says when the war is over, all the materia will belong to me.

The stars shine so bright, like glowing materia... reach up and grab one. GROSSNESS! Don't mess with me old man! You don't even have any Materia!

Citizens, unite! Come to the light, Mako energy. Power is truth. Shinra is the future. Real happiness can be found in obedience to the company People are ignorant. They'll feel better as long as someone is punished.

Godo : Go! Survive till the end! And return! With the Materia! Doctor in Mideel : You can see for yourself what things look like, but at least no one was seriously hurt. We're just very unhappy now. Junon soldier : I'm learning to be a delinquent soldier!! I just can't seem to get the hang of it! Reeve Tuesti : What may be a few to you was everything to those who died...

Barret : She ain't gonna show up. 'Least this time she didn't steal our materia. Guess we gotta be thankful for that. Yuffie : How could you say that!? I came all the way here after being seasick as a dog! I didn't go through all that just to have you guys have the best parts all to yourselves!

...A speech? Forget it. Cut the mic!

You're-going-to-like-me! You're-going-to-like-me! Did it work?

D-Do you have any...hot dogs left?

...The HELL! Man...Now this is what I call boring. This ain't right, man!

YOOOO!!! The HELL you doin'!!!?

I'm a pretty lucky guy. Hand in hand with two beautiful girls.

That is sooo vague!

Super-Duper-Mega-Bummer!!

Well, Zell was riding his T-Board in the hallways of Garden. He made a sharp turn and went straight into the woman's res...

Sharpshooters are loners by nature... We hone our instincts, pour our whole being in a single bullet. The pressure of the moment... An instant of tension... That's what... I have to face alone...

Well, fine then! We WILL have a good time!

Thanks for the support, but I never miss my target.

Well, we could skin this little guy and wear him as a disguise...

I say things that get a rise out of some people. Just don't let it bother you and we'll get along fine.

Ooh neato! A hole in the middle of no-where!

You've all heard this before. How life has infinite possibilities. I don't believe that one bit. There weren't many paths for me to choose. Sometimes, there would only be one. From the limited possibilities I faced, the choices I made have brought me this far. That's why I value the path I chose... I want to hold true to the path that HAD to be taken.

Let's just fire like crazy and make a big hole, BOOM!

...Speeding. Let's go arrest that student for violation of academy regulations. Listen up! Teamwork means staying out of my way. It's a Squad B rule.

This is the scene where you swear your undying hatred for me!

And so, Laguna runs for dear life. She got upset and put fruit jam in your shoes. You were almost in tears!

Fujin: DISTURBING.RAGE!SHOCK!GOOD. CONVENIENT.PERSUASION, USELESS. SEIZE!IGNORE.RUN!ELLONE? NOT HERE.FATIGUE POSSE... We are. We always will be. Because we're a posse, we want to help you. Whatever it takes to fulfill your dream, we're willing to do. But... You're being manipulated, Seifer. You've lost yourself and your dream. You're just eating out of someone's hand. We want the old you back! Since we can't get through to you, all we have now to rely on is Squall! It's sad... Sad that we only have Squall to rely on... Seifer! Are you still gonna keep goin'?

Big Sister: I can't wait until I meet a guy that I can scream at and exchange blows with!

Quistis : You're the squad leader. Good luck to you. Seifer : ...Instructor. I hate it when people wish me luck. Save those words for a bad student who needs them, eh? Quistis : Alright, then. Good luck, Seifer. Seifer : [to Fujin and Raijin] Add Instructor Trepe to the list. Zone : Our plan is to...Selphie : ...Blow it to smithereens with a rocket launcher!? Zone : [taken aback] ...Ahh...not quite... Rinoa : Oh, shut up! I made it like that on purpose. It represents my hatred towards Deling. Zell : Hatred, eh? Yeah...right. Selphie : It's one of the...ugliest things that I've ever seen in my life. You must really hate him.

You don't need a reason to help people.No cloud, nor squall shall hinder us!Piece of cake. I'm an escape artist.

In the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't. You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair... but that's the way things are. The choice is yours.

SON OF A SHOOPUFF!

Al Bhed is Al Bhed. Rikku is Rikku. Rikku swore to protect Yuna. And Rikku is not a liar. Kimahri can tell. So, she is a friend.

Why are you still here, sir? (pause as Auron looks at him) I beg your pardon. We Guado are keen to the scent of the Farplane.

Rikku : Did you...hit your head or something? Tidus : Um, you guys hit me. Rikku : Oh, right...do you remember anything before that?

Sometimes, when I got a lot on my mind, it just helps to go, "AAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Once Lady Yuna fixes her hair, we leave." "Guard your emotions first, then guard your summoner." "Ha! Legendary guardian? I was just a boy. A boy about your age actually. I wanted to change the world too, but I changed nothing. That is my story." "Don't look to others for knowledge. This is your story."

Don't think it's just a game. Your life's on the line. "You. It's what's for dinner." You. Are. Hired."

Barkeep : Mish Yoona, what can I do for yoo?

Yuna : Duck Soup! Paine : Duck what?

Rikku : I'm gonna kick you in the spleen! Paine : Spleen?

Lightning : (to soldier).Nice gun. Noctis : Goodbye, whoever you are.

You sure are a keen observer of the obvious, kupo!

And I know some "little girls" who can kick your butt!

"You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush."

Rachel: They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb. Annabeth: Was it hard?"

"Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?""Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?" "Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart."'

“Ever had a flying burrito hit you? Well, it's a deadly projectile, right up there with cannonballs and grenades." "The ADHD part of me wondered, off-task, whether the rest of his clothes were made the same way. What horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into Hades' underwear?"

Rachel: You're a half-blood, too? Annabeth: Shhh! Just announce it to the world, how about? Rachel: Okay. Hey, everybody! These two aren't human! They're half Greek god! . . . They don't seem to care."-

"What I did next was so impulsive and dangerous I should’ve been named ADHD poster child of the year."

“You're a stalker with hooves." "I am not! I followed her to the Big House and hid in a bush and watched the whole thing.”

Well, we kind of tried to kill each other in a duel to the death." "I see. You tried the diplomatic approach.”

"Well, Percy, what have we learned today?""That three-headed dogs prefer red rubber balls over sticks?""No," "We've learned that your plans really, really bite!”

"Dude!" said a party pony as he unloaded his gear. Did you see that bear guy? He was all like: 'Whoa, I have an arrow in my mouth!”

“Boys are usually forbidden to have any contact with the Hunters. The last one to see this camp…” She looked at Zoe. “Which one was it?”"That boy in Colorado,” Zoe said. “You turned him into a jackalope.”Ah, yes.” Artemis nodded, satisfied. “I enjoy making jackalopes…”

“Christmas in the Underworld was NOT my idea. If I'd known what was coming, I would've called in sick. I could've avoided an army of demons, a fight with a Titan, and a trick that almost got my friends and me cast into eternal darkness. But no, I had to take my stupid English exam.”

“Meat!" he said scornfully. "I'm a vegetarian." "You eat cheese enchiladas and aluminum cans," I reminded him."Those are vegetables.”

"How about this: stealing is not always bad?""I don't think my mom would like that moral."

I thought about the lines Rachel had spoken in that creepy voice: about storm and fire and the Doors of Death. "Maybe," I said, "but it didn't sound so good.""No," said Apollo cheerfully. "It certainly didn't. She's going to make a wonderful Oracle!”

"My son here convinced me that perhaps I should prioritize my list of enemies." He glanced at me with distaste. "As much as I dislike certain upstart demigods, it would not do for Olympus to fall. I would miss bickering with my siblings. And if there is one thing we agree on - it is that you were a TERRIBLE father.”

Running with a drowsy child of Hades was more like doing a 3 -legged race with a life size rag doll.”

“Yay!' he said. 'Now we can eat peanut butter sandwiches and ride fish ponies! We can fight monsters and see Annabeth and make things go BOOM!”

“You know how teachers tell you the magic word is 'please'? That's not true. The magic word is 'puke'. It will get you out of class faster than anything else.”

" He tossed me a jar of thick green liquid—Greek fire, one of the most dangerous magical substances in the world. Then he threw me another essential tool of demigod heroes—duct tape”

“Juniper: Are you guys busy? Percy: Well, we’re in the middle of this game against a bunch of monsters and we’re trying not to die. Annabeth: We’re not busy. ”

Though "peanut butter" is a strange battle cry. It shall be as you say. But my son, pray this works."I am praying. I'm talking to you, right?"Oh . . . yes. Good point.”

“Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?"Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?""Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries."Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom." "I do not understand.""I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said."And…" Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam T-shirt."

"with great power... comes great need to take a nap"

“Oh no." I said panic rising in my chest. "No, no, no, Somebody get a can opener. I've got a god in my head!!”“Well," I said. "If you need me, I'll be outside, playing with sharp objects.”

“Fairness means everyone gets what they need. And the only way to get what you need is to make it happen yourself.”

“I guessed his name was Face of Horror. I wondered how long it had taken his mom to think of that. Bob? No. Sam? No. How about Face of Horror?”

“Now the tattoos," Zia announced."Brilliant!" I said."On your tongue," she added."Excuse me?”

“I just love family meetings. Very cozy, with the Christmas garlands round the fireplace and a nice pot of tea and a detective from Scotland Yard ready to arrest you.”

“Carter Kane, 14, died tragically in Paris when he was eaten by his sister’s cat Muffin.”

“There will be guards,” Bast said. “And traps. And alarms. You can bet the house is heavily charmed to keep out gods.” “Magicians can do that?” I asked. I imagined a big can of pesticide labeled God-Away.”

“I believe you, Sadie.""Oh really. I'm holding the bloody feather of truth, and you believe me. Well, thanks.”

I guess it started in London, the night our dad blew up the British museum.”

“The baboon is driving,” I noted. “Should I be worried?”

“Thank Ra!” She exclaimed. “Yeah, I’m alive.” “No, I almost jumped in after you. I hate the water!”

“Why did adults have to be so thick? They always say “tell the truth,” and when you do, they don’t believe you. What’s the point?”

“I must admit I’m impressed, Sadie. You controlled your magic and controlled Isis. And you, Carter, did well turning into a lizard.”

“That’s Narmer with the spoon,” I guessed. “Angry because the other bloke stole his breakfast cereal?”

“Most of Set’s forces were running towards our boat, screaming and throwing rocks (which tended to fall down and hit them, but no one says demons are bright).

"Great another mystery. I was about to suggest we ram Amos’s head against it and see if that worked.”

The stuff was so thick and rough, it made me wonder if the poor Egyptians had had to use toilet papyrus. If so, no wonder they walked sideways.”

“I looked back, but Bast and Sadie seemed fine. They were still staring at the water as if it were some amazing Internet video.”

. Why would someone display a rock? Aren't there enough of those in the world?”

“Dejardins was so stunned, he momentarily forgot how to speak English. "Ce n'est pas possible. On ne pourrait pas-”

[romansleftshoulderpad]

A Fairytale Romance

Hey uh there was kind of a mix up with the @secretsanders so I’m really sorry this took so long! Nonetheless, @xionical, I hope you enjoy ^_^

Ships: Royality

Warnings: Cursing, caps lock, and dead memes

Not doing my usual tags since it’s a Secret Santa whoops

Words: 2,402

---

Working in a bookstore was never one of Roman’s goals. Well, in reality, he was actually working in the cafe inside of the bookstore. Same difference. Roman hated the job, but he loved the money. So, for the sake of his pride and his bank account, the college student slapped on a smile every weekend and weeknight and made coffees until he couldn’t stand the smell.

“Hey, Rem, can you cover for me real quick?” Roman asked. “I gotta find the bathroom.”

“You mean you need to hide in a stall and scroll through Instagram before our boss finds out?” Remy asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Ha. Ha. Ha,” Roman said. “Just take care of everything for me and don’t be a prick about it.”

“Aww you love me,” Remy cooed as Roman unites his apron and left it on an old metal hook. He rolled back his shoulders as he walked, his legs desperate to move around more than 3 square feet. He walked across the store, trying to avoid any managers, supervisors, or anyone else who could yell at him for not serving coffees. He had quickly learned that sleep deprivation brought out the worst in people.

He walked, stretching his legs as much as he could but in no real hurry. The faster he got there and back the faster he’d have to deal with snobby middle-aged women and Remy. He tried to shake the thought which a deep breath, as a sudden motion caught his eye.

“Hey are you okay?” he asked the brown haired boy, kneeling next to him to help collect the fallen textbooks. “Let me help you with those.”

“Thanks,” he said, his more adult than Roman had expected. “I forget how clumsy I am sometimes.”

“You also seem to forget to tie your shoes,” Roman said, looking down to the man’s rainbow sneakers. “I like your shoelaces,” Roman added quietly under his breath.

“Thanks, I stole them from the president,” the other responded rather unthinkingly. The two looked to each other before bursting out in laughter. “My name’s Patton.”

“Roman.”

“Oh! That’s a wonderful name!” Patton exclaimed with a smile.

“Thanks,” Roman said, smiling at Patton’s limitless elation, “I, uh, got it for my birthday?” He looked to Patton who stared at him with the most awestruck expression lighting up his mocha colored eyes.

“Oh-em-gee, you DID!” Patton said, laughing so hard that his giggles evolved into snorting. Roman was lucky that he believed in fate.

“I should get going,” Roman whispered with a smile as he saw one of the bookshop managers staring at him. “I hope to see you around sometime,” he said quietly pressing his fingers to one of the books as he stood. He cast one last glance over his shoulder before he continued to walk away.

Needless to say, it wasn’t long before Roman got in trouble for all his bathroom breaks as well as a less-than-subtle recommendation to see a doctor if he was really peeing eleven times a day. “Busted,” Remy hummed quietly as the manager walked away.

“You’re not helping,” Roman hissed back in response. He resumed his job of organizing the entire collection of flavored syrups and honestly just trying to count the hours until his next paycheck.

“Um, hi, uh, I’m sorry to bother but is a Roman Noble here?” Roman’s eats shot up like a dog’s upon hearing the voice.

“Yeah hold on,” Remy’s voice said as he whipped around to face Roman. “Hey, Ro-punzel, your prince is here to rescue you.”

‘Wrong fairytale,’ Roman thought to himself as he turned towards Patton with a smile. “Feel free to ignore Little Miss Sleep Deprivation over there, he’s just jealous that I actually get to talk to people,” he said with a wink.

Patton giggled in a way that made Roman feel as though birds may start singing just upon hearing the gorgeous noise. “I don’t mind him, but I think I may have something of yours.” Remy wolf whistled from where he was laying out sugar packets. “I’m terribly sorry, I don’t know how it ended up in my textbook but, is this yours?” He held a gold ring in his hand, one that had Roman’s name inscribed on the inside.

“Yes, it is,” Roman said with a flirty smile as he slid the ring onto his finger. “Must’ve been fate that you found it.”

Patton looked to him with an obvious blush. “Must’ve been.”

“Holy shi- Sugar Packets,” Remy said, “if you’re both gonna be so thirsty, at least order a drink!”

Patton laughed awkwardly, darting his eyes anywhere other than Roman or Remy. “I’ll take a hot chocolate please.”

“Sure thing,” Roman said, scribbling Sharpie onto the cup with a smile. Patton paid and took a seat as Roman made the drink.

Patton fidgeted in his seat, bouncing his leg up and down as he frantically typed away at his phone.

Pawton: h e l p me

Dark Strange Son: with what?

Businessman: Why do I have a suspicion that this problem has nothing to do with our shared Astronomy class?

Businessman: And for the last time, I must request that you change my name back.

Pawton: The boy from the library!!!! I gave him his ring!!!

Dark Strange Son: ...okay. And?

Pawton: HE’S HOT WHAT DO I DO

Logic Man: Patton I’m not sure this title is better...

Dark Strange Son: Then perish

Patton twisted his lips into a nervous frown, having his attention pulled away only as someone yelled his name from the counter. He pushed his phone into his pocket and stood up, still tapping his fingers along the side of his jeans. He took the cup, feeling the warmth against his fingers when Remy looked up and muttered “Roman, you cheeky bastard.” Patton wasn’t sure if he had been meant to hear that, but nonetheless, he inspected the markings that had been previously covered by his fingers.

He nearly dropped the cup. He nearly screamed from excitement. Instead, he pulled out his phone and once again began to type an eloquent message that would perfectly allow him to express all of his emotions in a way that his friends would be able to understand.

Pawton: LDJDKFJSKGBXJNSKZMALA

Ah yes. Perfect.

Logic Man: Is he having a stroke?

Dark Strange Son: Did you get his number?

Pawton: YES!!! KFJFKFJKSFH

Logic Man: Virgil, how on Earth were you able to decipher that?

Dark Strange Son: Best Friend privileges.

Patton sipped the hot drink carefully and with a smile as he made his way through the book shop.

Logic Man: I call bullshit.

Dark Strange Son: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Cool winter air embraced him as he left the shop, making his way towards his car. He got inside the vehicle and curled cold fingers around the warm cup, taking a sip and letting the beverage warm his throat. As soon as he was warm, he put the cup down and pulled out his phone to video call Virgil.

It took approximately twenty seconds for Virgil to answer. His hair was pushed in front of his face by his large headphones. He was hunched over his desk and, from the camera angle, Patton could tell that his phone rested lazily against his pile of textbooks.

“Oh is this a bad time?” Patton asked

Virgil shook his head and continued working desperately on whatever was in front of him. “You’re fine, Pat. So how’d mystery man go?”

“His name is Roman,” Patton said with a smile. “And it went really well.”

“Well, I’m happy for you,” Virgil said. “Now, you’re gonna text him, right?”

“Well, yeah!” Patton said. “I just... don’t really... know what to say.”

Virgil pushed away from his desk, turning all his attention to the phone screen with a smirk. “Well, my dear Patton Cake, that is exactly what best friends are for.”

Roman was bored as hell for the rest of his shift. At least, he thought to himself, only ten more minutes until lunch break. With every cup of coffee, he was calculating how much time he had left. He wanted to go home. Not only that, but he wanted to quit. As he sprayed whipped cream into a cup, he silently lamented not having any other options.

A few more minutes. A few more orders. The second he was allowed on break he all but ripped off his apron and tossed it on the hanger. He took a sandwich from the cooler, slammed down enough cash for it, and took a seat with the rest of the customers and sleep deprived college kids. He had two unread texts on his phone.

Unknown: Hey!! Unknown: It’s Patton!!!

Roman smiled as he opened the plastic box and removed the cold sandwich from it.

‘Hello Mr. Hot Cocoa’

It was cheesy, Roman would admit, but he had a feeling it would work.

Mr. Hot Cocoa: That’s me ^_^

He tried to imagine Patton smiling as he typed, which, in turn, made Roman smile. He bit into a corner of the cold sandwich.

Mr. Hot Cocoa is typing...

Nothing.

Mr. Hot Cocoa is typing...

Nothing yet again. Anxiety crept up on Roman’s skin.

Mr. Hot Cocoa: So my friend Virgil told me I need to take more risks and I was thinking that, well

Roman put down his lunch.

Mr. Hot Cocoa is typing...

Mr. Hot Cocoa: Do you wanna go out some time?

“CHEW YOUR FUCKING FOOD AND STOP CHOKING YOU THIRSTY BITCH!” Remy yelled.

‘My shift ends at seven. I’ll pick you up at 8.’

Roman thought to himself for a moment before typing out the next text.

‘Wear something nice ;)’

Roman was more nervous than he wanted to admit, but ‘fake it till you make it’ right? He knocked on the door, steadying his breathing and trying to look as suave as possible. He failed as soon as he saw Patton.

“Uh, hi,” he said to the man dressed in black slacks and a matching blazer over his baby blue button down.

“Hi,” Patton said through a nervous giggle.

“I, um, they turned this club nearby into a ballroom. I, uh, got us reservations, but of course, if you’d rather do something else than we could always-“

Roman was quickly distracted by Patton’s hand locking into his own like Cinderella with her glass slipper. A perfect fit. “I’d love that, Roman.”

The drive there was nothing exciting, but Roman would swear that the highlight of his week was seeing Patton’s face light up at the sight of it all. Everyone was dressed to the nines, and two girls danced together in what appeared to be prom dresses. Chandeliers hung from the ceiling with hundreds of (faux) crystals adding to the atmosphere. Patton felt as if he were in a movie.

Roman held out a hand as the band started up a waltz. “May I have this dance?”

“Of course, my prince,” Patton said with a smile. He took Roman’s hand and let his free hand rest on Roman’s shoulder as Roman took his hand. Once they had gotten used to the pattern and the dance, Patton moved closer to Roman, his head just below Roman’s chin. He lay his head against Roman’s heart and the rest is nothing more than a dream...

Everything seemed to be going smoothly for them. They had been on a few more dates, approaching almost a month since their first, and finally, time had brought them to where they were now. Patton’s soft hands fit nicely against Roman’s rough and calloused skin. The two of them lay together in the grass, staring at the sky above, below, and around them. Patton was starting to remember what initially drew him to astronomy.

“It’s really rude of you to make me fall in love with you,” Roman said with a teasing smirk. “Inconsiderate, really.”

“Not what you had in mind?” Patton asked, his smile was innocent but his eyes filled with mischief.

“So inconsiderate,” Roman said, turning to lay on his side and face Patton.

“I’m not sorry,” Patton said, turning his head to face Roman.

“Me neither,” Roman said, reaching out to hold Patton’s cheek in his hand. “Can I kiss you?” he whispered softly.

“Yeah,” Patton said, his heart skipping a beat in his chest. “I think I’d quite like that.”

Roman pulled himself closer to Patton, laying his lips on the other. His kiss was soft and sweet, tasting of chocolate and sea salt. He kissed with the pure and gentle love that Patton had only read about in fairytales. Patton couldn’t help but giggle and smile as he kissed back. He was drunk with love and he wanted the world to know. He wanted Roman to know.    

As they pulled apart and rested their foreheads together, Patton wrapped his arms around Roman, pulling himself to be as close to the other as possible. “Roman, I’m so glad I met you,” Patton said, his voice whisper quiet. “You’re so wonderful and I- I love being here with you. And I love every single moment I get to be with you! And- and- and-” Patton took Roman’s hand, resting it against his own cheek as he gave himself just enough wiggle room to admire all of Roman’s face at once. Crickets echoed around them followed by rustling leaves and all the sounds of the glorious darkness as they approached early morning. “I love you, Roman.”

The shift from shock, to excitement, to just plain elation took only about a second, but Patton fell more and more in love with every expression. “I love you too,” Roman said. He smiled and quickly picked himself up from the ground. He extended a hand to pull up Patton from the ground as the sun rose around them. “I love you too,” he repeated, pure elation spilling fro his tongue. He put his hands on Patton’s waist, lifting him and spinning him through the air as the two laughed. “I love you so much, Patton, and I want the world to know it.” He pulled Patton into a kiss once more, this time much more rough and desperate but still dripping with the same puppy love as before.  And for the first time, Roman realized that happy endings didn’t exist, because they weren’t the end, after all, but the start of something wonderful.

[ravens-rambling]

The Demon and Angel (Pt 3)

A/N: And now we have Logan in the mix! Sweet...overprotective...Logan....

Pt 1 Pt 2

summary: It happened during one rainy day the two met. One half-demon who was hiding from the world, who just wanted to survive, and one kind human who lend him a hand. Despite their differences, they want to learn from each other and maybe fall in love in the process.

WC: 2,285

ships: Romantic Moxiety

warnings: Anxiety, Nervousness, Panic attack, Anxiety Attack, Mention of Abuse, Mentions of capture, mentions of torture, passing out, yelling, ???

Tag List: @punsterterry @frostedlover @stormcrawler75 @mutechild @mycatshuman @panicattheeverywhere15 @ryuity @lwilddiamonddogl @cricks-loves-you @thewinterbookqueen @analogical-mess @sevencrashing @thatgaydemigodnerd @darkhumourandfandoms @whymustibedraggedintofandomhell @romanslunchbox

The two walked in silence through the harsh rain and cold. Though the human kept humming some tune under his breath and despite the fact that it was freezing out and he must be at least somewhat cold he had a skip to his step. He still had a bright grin on his face. Virgil couldn’t understand this human. What is wrong with him???

Honestly, Virgil had so many questions. Why did he care about him? Why should he care about a half demon like him? Doesn’t he know how dangerous he is? How even the mere presence of him spells disaster?

But he stayed silent.

His throat was still hurting him from before but really that wasn’t why he was silent. No, the reason was was that he didn’t know if he was allowed to speak. Most days he wasn’t allowed to speak unless either spoken to or allowed to by somebody. Even though this Patton seems nice he wasn’t ready to fully trust him not for the time being. Again he wasn’t sure what was going through this human's head, this could all be some trick for all he knows. Some ploy to get him to do something out of turn then show his true colors.

Why did he think a human would do that?

For the simple joy of it, he guessed. Hell if he knows. Ha… Hell.

Though as they walked Virgil had a sudden idea. Was Patton not talking to him because he didn’t want to spook him again? No… No that’s…stupid of him to even think… But he is holding his hand and that was soothing but that could mean anything. Maybe he didn’t want him to run away. Maybe he didn’t-

“We’re here!”

Patton let go of his hand to fish out something from his pockets which caused Virgil to flinch at, unfortunately. But he watched as the human walked up the stairs and as he tried to catch a sight of what he pulled out of his pockets he looked up at the building. It was an old brick building that was for sure, and it looked like it was about to crumble away into the strong winds. And somehow it was staying up.

But one thing that made it stand out was a bright colorful neon sign right outside a window above them he looked down to where the sign was pointing at to see a…food place? He smelled burgers so he guessed they sell burgers and stuff there…

That was a pretty big and bright neon sign how were they able to sleep throughout the night? Course what’s he saying he slept sometimes when all those annoying intense white lights were on so hey this wasn’t as bad.

He heard the door open and whipped back to see Patton was holding the door open for him.

“Welcome home kiddo!”

Home…? He opened his mouth to respond before closing it quickly. That wasn’t a question. Shouldn’t speak…

Instead, he lowered his head trying to be as small as possible as he stepped into the place. His eyes widened at Patton’s…home. It was huge! The walls were made of bricks and it looked so beautiful compared to the boring white walls of his old bedroom.

There was a dark long thing against the wall as he walked in, he wasn’t sure what it was but it looked comfy and there were pillows on it? Across the way from the long thing was a dark black square hung up on the wall. He had zero ideas what that did but it almost reminded him of those things the scientists used to type something in…

In the middle of those two things were a table of sorts with stuff littered on it. There were also some paintings and pictures scattered along the walls and the table.

He gasped out a breath his eyes shining. It was stunning.

“Make yourself at home kiddo. I’ll go see if I have anything you can wear. I know this place isn’t much but it’s home. And maybe it’ll be your home too!”

Virgil turned towards the other man and gasped out, “I-It’s beautiful…” Before quickly shutting his mouth with his hand he bit his lip.

But Patton giggled and waved his hand as he set down his things Zoe staying right beside him.

“Oh, no trust me it isn’t anything fancy. But I’m glad you like it. Aannnnddddd there we go be right back alright! Here you can wait in the hallway.”

Once he set down his things he made his way through the room and to another. There was another room??? He quickly followed Zoe right behind him.

He gasped even more once he saw the next room. It was definitely smaller than the last room but there was a large window right where the sink was and the view outside made him smile lightly. He had no idea what most of this stuff was or what they could possibly be used for and his curiosity picked up. But Patton told him to wait in the hallway so he hurried up not wanting to keep the human waiting.

By the time he got in the hallway Patton had already disappeared, he guessed in his room? His eyes widened as he saw all the other doors. How big was this place??? This was definitely bigger than his old small bedroom that’s for sure. Why did he need this big of a place?

He noticed Zoe had disappeared to and pouted slightly. He liked the dog's fur… It was so soft… Oh well…

It didn’t take long before a door opened and Patton emerged with Zoe trailing along. He held up a rather thick and large pink and blue shirt with jeans pants.

“This is my old clothes so you can keep it! I hope it fits you. If not I could find something else if you want? But you better change out of those clothes quick so you don’t get a cold! Oh, you should take a shower too to get warmed up! Do you need my help?”

Virgil blinked, “N-No it’s fine... I um…t-thanks…”

“No problem! Holler if you need anything alright? I’ll be in the living room if you need me.”

He nodded, he guessed that was the first room? He took the clothes with delicate care.

Virgil went to the room Patton nudged towards hoping it was the right one. When he opened the door he sucked in a breath. Okay, Patton really must be lying now. Sure he had a bathroom in his room but it was nothing like this. Really it was just a toilet and a simple sink and a shower though he knew it wasn’t really a shower… But this was… Dear hell…

Okay, he must be really careful where he steps and what he does.

Gulping he started moved the curtains and looked down at the knob. Biting his lip he swallowed. Okay, this was a lot more complicated then he thought. So he guessed he turned the knob this way and…

He yelped loudly his body flying backward as water suddenly sprouted from the head. He took a shaky breath he really needs to stop getting spooked by everything.

Placing his hand under it he winched when it turned up cold. Okay, so that means he turns it more right? But when he turned it and placed his hand under it again it turned a scalding hot.

Fuck…

So he just decided to fuck it and take it while it was freezing cold unable to get it to stop being burning hot. He didn’t want to take any of his shampoos so he just watered down his hair, he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to take some or not. Luckily that meant his shower was quick.

When he got out he was freezing and he grabbed the towel that was in his pile of clothes like a lifeline. His wing stuck to his back and he had to sigh at it, he hated when his wing got wet it was practically useless when it did. His teeth chattered as he quickly dried off and got dressed.

With a curious stare, he titled his head as he admired the shirt. It looked like something he’s seen before but he couldn’t quite place it… No matters it wasn’t something he would normally wear but it’ll have to do. Though he did snarl at it when his wing couldn’t open wide like it normally does. Though it was huge on him so it could still peek out and didn’t feel too restricted he still didn’t like it. He tore off a bit of the backing off his old shirt so his wing could breathe but he knew Patton won't like it if he did that so he guessed he just had to suffer. Even the pants were tight against his tail, his wing was uncomfortable sure but his tail being restricted was torture for him. Luckily he was able to shift the pants a bit so he could pull out his tail though it still was highly uncomfortable.

As he opened the door silently peering out once he got dressed the towel still on his wet head and his old clothes piled on his arms he looked around. He didn’t see anybody he should properly go to the living room right? But as he was about to step out he heard a voice. A voice that didn’t sound like Patton’s.

“What were you thinking!? Bringing in some random stranger into our house??”

“Lo, it’s okay! I know it seems weird but he’s a good kiddo! He’s just scared and he seemed so lonely. Zoe warmed up to him right away doesn’t that mean anything?”

“NO! No, it’s doesn’t! That stranger could be planning your murder Pat! I don’t know about you but I’m not going to place my life on the line by what some dog does! And if you're going to Pat your stupid! It’s not some cat or dog your bringing in its. A. Human. Being. Okay? A human that could kill you!”

When he said that he clapped with every word. Virgil froze. He didn’t know this person but he didn’t sound happy. Rather he sounded pissed. So pissed in fact that it made Virgil’s hair stand on end. This wasn’t good. This wasn’t good at all. This human will hurt him. He doesn’t sound like he cares who he is. Just like those other humans.

His breath came in whooping gasps as he dropped the clothes to the floor. His wing sprouts out to protect him. His tail wrapped around his frame as he turned the other direction. Run. Run. Run.

But as he did he realized that he was trapped. Would the other rooms have doors leading outside? Windows maybe? Only if he’ll try.

In his panic he knew he must be making noise. He knew his breath was echoing through the place if his rapidly beating heart wasn’t making enough noise as is. He also knew he was running into things as he practically ripped the knob off Patton’s door.

Literally. Ripped it off the door.

Yes, so he was more powerful than a normal human. Who cares right now.

A growl came from his throat as he dashed into the room breathing heavily he threw himself at the closest window. At first, he tried to normally open it but as he heard footsteps approaching fast and his mind screaming at him to run he growled at the thing. Instead, he punched the window full force luckily it shattered on impact. His arms went to protect his face as he jumped out the window.

His demotic growl crawled out of his throat as his sharp claws gripped onto the brick wall. It hurt. It stung. But he had to run. Had to save himself.

He slid down the wall hearing his name echo above him. But he didn’t dare look up. He didn’t dare pause as he jumped the rest of the way down and rolled when he landed. His mind didn’t even pick a direction it just went somewhere.

Still, he heard his name being called and still he ran. His hands threw up towards his ears to block the noise. It was a trap. It was all a trap. The niceness. The only trace of comfort he has ever been graceful enough to receive.

It was all a trap.

His breath didn’t stop as he ran into another dark alleyway. Tears were streaming down his cheeks but honestly, it merged with the rain at this point. His heart hurt. His body hurt. He couldn’t breathe.

His one trace of trust… He thought he made a friend. He thought he could be safe for once. All of that gone in an instant.

Serves him right for trusting somebody.

He couldn’t seem to get his breathing under control no matter what he did. All he could do was shake as he practically fell down to the ground his arms and wing curled up around him to get some warmth. When did it become so cold? Why did his vision become so fuzzy and dark?

Before he knew what his own body was doing his eyes suddenly closed on its own and the familiar peaceful darkness engulfed him. He was even helpless against his own body…

His last thoughts were how stupid he was to trust humans. That his heart felt like it was shattering. That he would never be safe for this is his life and it always will be.

Alone… Afraid… In pain… And above all.

Without a home.

[masseffecthoe]

Soul Glitches

Chapter 4

< Chapter 3

The Observation Deck was a wreck, with metal scraps and wires trailing from one end to the other. A few pads and monitors bleeped alive with colorful writings all around the L shaped couch. The only "clean" part of the room was the improvised cot in the far left corner. But there was order in the chaos of tech. Jun knew exactly where things were and each served a precise purpose. Most importantly, it made the place feel like home. The only thing amiss was one depressed looking commander staring blankly into the dark void ahead.

"Weight of the world on your shoulders again, huh?"

"Fells like it will never end. We warn them, they ignore us and then we struggle on our own to save everyone. A vicious cycle."

"I don't know, this one seems pretty final. I mean, the reapers were the end game from the start, right?" She placed a hand on the other woman's shoulder, squeezing just enough to grab her attention from the stars outside. They locked eyes and she wished she could do more to help Shepard carry that weight. "Just one more, then it's shore leave, baby! I'm thinking of visiting more of Earth." The commander smiled sheepishly at her.

"You? On Earth? Vega got to you that badly?"

"Pff no, we're just passing time." She realized the possible interpretation as soon as the words left her mouth and she paused a bit to reconsider. "Wait, that sounded wrong. We just get along, that's all. Nothing weird happening between us."

"Mhm."

"He flirts like that with everyone, I wouldn't look too much into it."

"If you say so. But it looks pretty different from the outside." What looked different? Jun was pretty sure she figured him all out: he was just a fun guy, masking his inner demons from a shitty childhood probably, with little flirts and jokes. She doubted he'd actually put any of those naughty things that came out of his mouth into practice. He was all bark and no bite and she was perfectly okay with it.

"How's Kaidan?"

"He's awake already. Might have been worse if you weren't there to take action so fast. Thank you."

"Any time, Shep. You do know I don't actually hate him, right? Damn, I've been saying this a lot lately."

"I know. I'm sure he knows it too."

"I do hope he gets over himself..."

"Jun!"

"Ok, ok, I promise to try to be nicer to him when he gets back." She put her hands up in defeat, noting the small smile playing on the commander's lips, and went to sit on the clear spot on the couch. Shepard's eyes followed her, then scanned the state of the room, brows slightly furrowed.

"You working on something?"

"Yeah, you'll see soon enough. EDI's helping me with... a pet project."

"Something for fighting?" Jun raised her head from the little circuits she was working on and looked the commander dead in the eyes.

"Well it wasn't going to, but that could actually be pretty cool." She turned to regard the pieces in front of her, a new spark in her voice. "I'd have to make it a little bigger to make room for the additional systems and reinforce the other layer. The shielding will be easy enough, so I'll figure that one last... but... yeah, that would be neat. Can't wait to test this baby out!"

"You got me a little curious. But make sure you check on that Cerberus robot soon. I want it off the ship as soon as possible."

"I'm on it." She didn't raise her head from pile of wires she was sorting out as the commander left her room. She was completely engrossed in the possibilities this new idea brought. Claws! Now that would be awesome. It wouldn't be as efficient as any of her current drones, but it would be marvelous to watch her little creation in battle. After a little fun in a test drive, it could stay on the Normandy as a little extra defense. Never repeat the situation with Joker and the Collectors again. When EDI's voice sounded above her she was almost done modifying the outer carcass.

"Jun, I was wondering if you could help me with something as well?"

"Sure, EDI. What do you need?"

"I was scanning the Cerberus unit for more Prothean data, but I can't run a full diagnostic."

"Yeah, I'll check for anything useful in a minute."

"I would be more suitable for the job as I already have all the system mapped out."

"Then... what do you need me for?"

"It would be more accurate if I had a psychical link to the unit?" Jun dropped the little laser she was using and looked at the ceiling as if the AI would be pocking though it.

"You want me to plug an unsafe Cerberus unit to your main core?"

"Yes. I have located an appropriate cable in the Shuttle bay."

"That's a bad idea EDI, even for my standards."

"If I had any doubt of failure I wouldn't have asked." There was the briefest of pauses, not giving Jun the occasion to shut her down again. "Plus, as you said before, you 'owe me one'."

"Shepard will never allow it..."

"It will be our little secret."

"You're getting cheekier by the minute, girl! Hot damn!" Pinching the bridge of her nose, she thought about the outcomes. "I can't believe I'm actually considering this... But, I will run some diagnostics first, see how dangerous that thing can still be, okay?"

"If it will help ease your mind."

With a final look at the piece she had been working on and a long sigh, Jun made her way to the Shuttle Bay. The elevator ride there was long, her mind filled with questions about what they were about to do. One one hand EDI was right, she'd be faster and more thorough in her search, but on the other hand they were sort of going behind Shepard's back, though not doing anything particularly nefarious. She was hoping the commander would never know the full scope of their little rebellion, but when did she ever get what she wanted?

The double doors hissed open and she casually stepped into the shuttle bay. She'd never spend much time down there and was unsure where they kept spare parts and all that jazz. But as she rounded the corner she was met with a sight she did not expect: James Vega doing pull ups. And what a sight it was! With his back towards her, she could ogle him without shame, glorious muscles going taunt every time he lifted himself. The expanse of his back, even through the sweat ridden t-shirt, was just calling for her to run her greedy little fingers on. She found herself wishing what the commander said was true, and he did act differently around her, flirted just a bit more, with just a hint of seriousness to his words. Or maybe his eyes would linger on her a second more they did on others.

"Quite the view, isn't it?" Jun's spirit almost left her body, both from surprise and shame for being caught drooling all over the lieutenant. She was happy the man spoke loud enough for just her to hear.

"Umm, well, like I told him, I've seen better."

"Oh, that must have hurt, but I guess his ego didn't need to grow any bigger." The man looked fondly towards the lieutenant and Jun got the impression they were close, the kind that taunted each other a lot. He turned towards her shortly after, hand outstretched. "Steve Cortez, I'm the new shuttle pilot."

"Oooh that's great, no one should suffer through Vega's piloting skills ever again. Jun Saros." She shook his hand energetically, genuinely happy they now had an actual pilot for the damn shuttle. Besides Joker, there was no one on the blasted ship who could drive anything, her stomach would still turn when someone even mentioned the Mako.

"So you're Jun."

"You've heard of me?"

"A little bit." A smirk plaid on his lips as he gestured towards the still busy lieutenant. It took Jun every ounce of self control and dignity not to turn her focus back on his work out. "But Saros... why does that sound familiar?" She felt like she might have paled a few shades, but if her discomfort showed, Cortez said nothing about it and before she could change the subject he remembered, his eyes widening the second he made the connection. "Were you on Torfan?"

"Um, well... yes..."

"Impressive. I'm glad too see you're up and kicking."

"It's been, a long journey, but um, thanks." She wished, for a brief moment, that she could just teleport back to her little tech cluttered room and bury herself in research and possibly never speak to any living being again. She knew she didn't really want that and one day she'll have to get over it and talk about... Hell, it might even help to actually talk abut it. But that day was not the day and thankfully the Cortez guy was empathic enough to see she was dying on the inside and changed the subject.

"You were looking for something down here? Maybe I can help."

"Yes actually, I need a Y72 cable."

"Ah yes, I've seen it a few days ago. I'll get it for you." She watched him go deeper into the bay, behind the shuttle. She was waiting, a little impatient to get out of there, when she noticed the little white robot dog running around the room. Now that was interesting. She got just a little closer and crouched in it's path. It came closer, before making a small turn as if to avoid her, but she was faster. She made fast work, opening the small panel on it's back and examining the infrastructure. It had an odd choice of head and no functional mouth. Weren't dogs supposed to fetch things? And with no fur, petting it or "rubbing its belly" seemed pointless, even if may have been programmed to act like it enjoined the action.

"I don't think that's the way to play with it." How was he so silent on his feet when he was so damn bulky? She lifted her gaze and almost swore under her breath. James was, well, hot and it was affecting her a little more than she cared for. Maybe it had been all the commander's fault, putting ideas in her head. Or maybe it had been there all along, but whatever the case, it was not good.

"I was just curious what makes it tick. And also what's its purpose..."

"Yeah, this one's a little weird, but he grows on you." When she close the panel, the dog came back "to life" and made a few circles around James. It was probably designed just as a companion to show affection, maybe for a small child even, but the lieutenant was right, the more you starred at it the cutter it got.

"Well he seems to like you, Vega."

"It's because I spend a lot of time down here. Not a lot of people come this far except when we leave for missions." He scratch the back of his neck, thick, strong neck... Get it together, Saros! "Speaking of which, why are you here? Missed me already, cariño?"

"She was actually here for this." She ignored the question altogether and took the cable from Cortez, thanking to the stars he came when he did, for she might have actually said something positively retarded.

"Thank you. And it was nice meeting you. I look forward to next mission now that Vega isn't in the pilot's seat."

"Oh come on, we all got there and back in one piece."

"If it could, the poor shuttle would argue with that." She poked her tongue out, already backing away towards the elevator. "I've got to go finish something, see you guys around."

James waved her goodbye, eyes never leaving her until the elevator doors closed behind her. He wanted to ask if she needed help with anything, but he doubted he could actually understand anything of what she'd be working on. Nevertheless, he was weirdly interested in her passion for tech. His smile dropped a bit when he noticed Cortez' worried look.

"What?"

"You have no idea who she is, do you?"

"What are you getting at, jefe?"

"She was on Torfan. Their ship had been badly hit, they were abandoning it, but she went back alone and crashed the entire thing in an enemy dreadnought. She saved her entire team that day." It took James a few moments to process the information, mostly because it seemed surreal: Jun, sweet and fun Jun, piloting a burning ship into another. Steve saw the questioning look in his friend's eyes and continued. "I don't know the full story, they kept it pretty quiet for some reason. All I remember was that she was badly injured and they graduate her early from N7 for her service."

The first thing James thought about was how distraught she had been when he crashed the shuttle, how fast she hid her face, knees giving in under her and her voice cracking up. He felt like a jackass, especially with the comment he'd made. How was she still talking to him? He was beyond curious to find out more about about her accident and why she never mentioned she was N7. Most wore it like a sign on pride, but Jun didn't once talk about it. If anything, she avoided any topic slightly relating her time in with the Alliance before Shepard's suicide mission. He was sure the commander knew everything, but it didn't seem fair to pry. Even the bits of information Steve had told him felt like an invasion in her personal life she hadn't wanted to be known. He was sure curiosity would take the best of him sooner or later, though. He might at least apologize and ask Jun herself. Soon.

Back in the AI core, Jun was having a different dilemma. She had ran all the diagnostics she could think of, and a few suggested by EDI despite the cheeky AI probably already having done them. EDI had been patient with her, only cracking a few jokes about the speed process, but otherwise not pestering Jun to plug the robot to her main terminal. She had been staring at the still form of the robot a good fifteen minutes, having ran out of precautions she could take, but not yet ready to take a plunge.

"I'm going to regret this..."

"There is no scenario where we fail, the probability of success-"

"There's always one more variable we didn't account for, one more surprise factor we didn't notice..." She pinched the bridge of her nose, fatigue settling in. After this, a hot shower and sleep until they reached Palavan. "Alas, here we go. Anything goes wrong, you back out of there and tell me to unplug this thing." With her onmi-tool on hand in case the worst came to pass, Jun hooked one end of the cable in Dr. Eva's back, the other in EDI's terminal.

What followed were a few seconds straight out of those old "man vs machine" movies. The robot's eyes opened, a few moments of disorientation, before fixing on Jun. She barely had enough time to duck and evade the first shot. Cloaking her self, she wanted to move from her current position, thinking she could sneak behind her and unplug. She didn't get far before one of the shots ignited a fire and the extinguishers turned on, blocking her vision. The whole ordeal must have lasted less than half a minute, but the stress certainly took one year out of Jun's life. The panel above the console had gone dark, was EDI alright? Was the ship alright? Joker had probably freaked out and already alerted Shepard who was going to barge through the door in any second!

"Jun, are you alright?"

"EDI?" She peaked from behind her hiding spot, the air clearing enough to see the robot lady, thankfully not shooting at her anymore.

"Yes, I have taken control of this unit." It was said so matter-of-factly that Jun wondered if that had been the AI's plan all along. Shepard's voice rang loudly from the other side of the door, but she just sank back on the ground, headache drumming at her temples.

"This is going to be a fun one to explain."